BIG MAL GETS IT SORTED!
Dear Mal,
I am the President of a powerful Western state but have recently been caught up in a sex scandal involving one my employees. What should I do?
William Cockermouth
Mal: Your type make me sick. You're filth. That was a waste of a perfectly good cigar.
Dear Mal,
I was once addicted to haircuts but I got treatment and thought I was cured. Now, the people I hang around with keep going into the hairdressers, and I'm worried that sooner or later I will end up getting a haircut too. I've tried leaving my job and moving away, but I'm still obsessed with the barbers.
Paul Gamblesnort
Mal: You want to get yourself a life, my friend. And failing that, get yourself a bottle of scotch and an account at the bookies. Now fuck off.
Dear Mal,
I am in trouble at work because I borrowed a substantial amount of money from a colleague to buy a house. Now it’s got out, I’m in all sorts of bother.
Peter Licktorso
Mal: I’ll send the lads round to teach them a lesson in simple economics.
Dear Mal,
I seem to have got myself into a situation at work. My belief that Mackems are paying for sins committed in a past life has caused quite a stir with the personnel department. So much so, that I could soon be in a job seeking situation. I don’t know what all the fuss is about; I’m only repeating what the little man in radiator said.
Glenn H. Christ
Mal: Karma down, my son.
Dear Mal,
A close friend of mine has recently lost his job after being hounded out in a witch hunt instigated by the tea-ladies. Surely these people realise that by doing this, they will be born in the city of Sunderland in the next life.
Eileen H Ghost
Mal: Come on Eileen! I told you that you talked shit when I was Henry VIII. Now fuck off, you mad old witch.