After the Paul Gascoigne drying-out scandal, Middlesbrough are bracing themselves for more bad publicity when the News of World releases another exclusive this weekend. Under the headline "Phil's Grills & Bellyaches" it is revealed that Boro midfielder Phil Stamp is officially addicted to food. The article tells the tale of how jeers from the terraces were turned directly into fat in marathon eating binges with celebrity fatties such as Mandy Dingle from Emmerdale. Stamp's arse has got so big, that at the Charlton game recently, his rear was mistaken for the Millenium Dome.

Boro look set to sign Ukranian International wingback, Oleg Luzhny from Dynamo Kiev for £1.5m. Nicknamed "the horse" by his Russian team-mates, it is believed that Robson wants him to provide service to Boro’s team of thoroughbreds. Mickel Beck (known as "my little pony") and Brian "the Donkey" Deane are said to be chomping at the bit. Talk of a "stable of excellence" was first heard three seasons ago but all plans were shelved after Viv Anderson mistakenly believed this to be a stud farm.

Boro star Curtis Fleming is now fully recovered from an horrific injury when he left the field with blood pouring from his shorts after a 50/50 challenge. He said "I was very worried. I looked down and blood was pouring out. They couldn't stop the bleeding and I had to spend a couple of days in hospital." Fleming, who has the hardest tackle in the country is not bitter about the challenge ; "He just went for the ball".