Welcome to the best place on Black Rock!
Here's the penultimate guide to all the exciting attractions
at the best amusement park at Burning Man 1998.
Our list of attractions and amusements Include:
Mission Control,
the Fucked Up Hair Salon,
Pair-a-dots/Pair of Dimes shifter,
picture cutouts,
the astrology funhouse
the BÜRNING MAUS stage, featuring sickcoms, musical acts,and more,
and what would any theme park be without a concentration camp!
And don't forget bring all your Disney regalia for the big bonfire!!!!!! Burn Disney Burn!!!!!
Hell if you were to attempt to try to have this much fun elsewhere, they'd probably charge you
$30 dollars just to get in and wait on line all day!
OKAY!! HERE WE GO, KIDDIES.
So what is Mission Control?
A fair question indeed, and a good one at that, young adventurer.
Mission Control is the command center of BÜRNING MAUS. It is from here that
we will notify the city of potential attacks and invasions from the
evil Nebulous Entity. It is also here that our defenses lie. Our armory
is well equipped to protect all citizens of Black Rock City from the nasty alien
invaders.
Construction on Mission Control has been complete. To see a rendered conception of our home base of defense, click on mousey here.
I feel safer now, what's with the hair salon?
Ah, we at BÜRNING MAUS, have searched the globe and the cosmos above looking
for the best cosmotologists in the universe. We have assembled our dream team
of hair care technicians and are providing you with the newest styles (free of charge of course)
Be the first on your block to be cool! Step right up folks, the shears are sharp enough for all!
Wow, but how about that Pair-a-dots/Pair-of-dimes thing?
Yes, patience my novice Maus-ka-fuck, patience. For you are about to enter
a world that challenges all perceptions of right, wrong, and left. Enter a world
where nothing is as it seems, yet the answers couldn't be clearer. You will enter
as you are, but you will leave an enlightened soul.
Well that sounds interesting, how about the picture boards?
Come now, fledgling Mauskateer, you know those boards with the funny scene and head cut-out so you can take pictures in them,
well the BÜRNING MAUS Federal Amusement Authority has the best picture boards
ever devised. So bring your camera and start snapping!
Oh, I see, what about this astrology funhouse thing?
Well, we here at BÜRNING MAUS are also fortunate enough to have some of the sharpest astrologers,
soothsayers, and witches working for us, and they are also bringing their finely honed skills to you.
Be ready for a range of events from charts and tarot cards to perhaps seeing your future! This is no
B.S., this is the real deal, presented by people who don't know about anything other than astrology.
Damn this keeps getting better, tell me more!
At the center of the BÜRNING MAUS experience is the stage which will feature various musical acts, sketch
comedy, dance performances, and additional acts. The program schedule will be released when we get closer
to Burning Man, but it will include all of the above mentioned acts, including the highly anticipated sickcoms,
a serial show about tasteless and offensive subject matter! The BÜRNING MAUS stage will also be available to
for additional acts and performances. Interested? Email us.
For a list of performers, please click here, and be advised, this is the stage you DON'T WANT TO MISS!!!
And the concentration camp, don't forget the concentration camp!
Oh yes, of course. What would an amusement park be without a concentration camp, you'll just have to
stop by to see what we mean, and if there's any Nebulae running around, feel free to torture them!
Changes and additions will be made as they become evident.
TAKE ME BACK HOME.
