Canada's fiendish plot to own the world's precious natural resources. When you save the Earth, you are saving it for Canadian conquest. We thank you for keeping it in good shape. |
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Project Gordon Korman
(Controlling the world's resources)
Canada's fiendish plot to own the world's precious natural resources. When you save the Earth, you are saving it for Canadian conquest. We thank you for keeping it in good shape. |
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Our first step towards world resource domination is to control the world's energy supply. Alberta's Tar Sands and vast underground reserves, as well as Newfoundland's Hibernia offshore drilling platform show only part of Canada's true oil producing potential. Unbeknownst to most laymen, but know for years to prospectors, the Klondike (in the Yukon Territory in northern Canada) is awash in black gold. Miners in the old days didn't realize the value of the oil, and burned it to cook moose meat sandwiches. In their later years, when oil's value was rising, these miners tried to tell their families about the oil in the Klondike, but no one listened... except for the crafty Canadian Imperialists, who stored up all these things in their hearts. |
But the world's energy needs are not filled only by fossil fuels. As Canada has most of the world's fresh water supply, 76% in fact, it also produces tremendous quantities of hydroelectric power. When this is added to its nuclear power output from plants in Ontario, Canada's electrical production capacity is the second highest in the world (only France produces more electricity...and Canada will surpass their production by early 1999). With all of this surplus electricity, Canada's power companies export to desperate American consumers who need heat and light. All we need to do is press the yellow button on the side of the DJD-24 terminal in Chalk River, and the East Coast of the US goes dark. The Great New York Blackout was merely a test, just to confirm its effectiveness.
Suppose you are a bleeding heart hippie, and you say, "Hey man, what about solar and wind power? These technologies are the way of the future." Well, sunshine, the Canadians have thought of that one too. Remember Saskatchewan, the flat rectangular province in the middle? Although it was once infested with wheat, we figured out that you can only eat so much bread. So, the prairie has been covered over with giant sheets of solar cells, interrupted only by wind power generators. The combination of these two technologies produces a tremendous amount of electrical power for a nefarious purpose - an electromagnetic pulse (EMP) superweapon. Although the US military is working on a smaller scale device in Alaska, its maximum output is less than 0.00475% of the Canadian EMP weapon.
| We all love resources when it comes right down to it. Paper needs wood, cars need steel, Santa needs coal (for bad children), photo film needs silver, and guys who want to get married need diamonds. But Canada will put a damper on wedding plans when it starts withholding these essential basic raw materials for construction and for love. British Columbia has most of the world's remaining forests, and won't everyone be sorry when it stops cutting them and selling the wood. That's right, there won't be any wood for you, unless you live in Canada. The same applies for other materials - no more steel for foreign battleships and submarines, or coal for rocket fuel. These will be stockpiled and used to fuel the Canadian war juggernaut. Without raw materials, the world's citizens will be frightened and looking north for leadership. |
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