Project L.O.O.N.I.E.
(Leveraging Our Only National Interests
Everywhere)
| For years, the world's financial system has looked to leaders in Western Europe, Japan, and the United States. But behind the scenes, a new dominant player has been slowly accumulating power - yes, you guessed it, Canada. Today, Canada controls as much capital as these "old school" players combined. Japan, Europe, and the United States are mere shadows of their former glory, and Canada is the shadow puppeteer. |  |
Canada holds the strings |
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Canada dominates the world's banking system. Through subtle, manipulative measures, the Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce (CIBC) has bullied or bought its way into majority ownership in the following banks:
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These banks serve 76% of the industrialized world's citizen's banking needs. This means that one firm, the CIBC, is your only choice for mortgages, loans, and business financing. The brokerage arms of these banks control the world's financial markets. |
You probably noticed the conspicuous absence of Japanese banks from this list. "What's going on?" you must be asking yourself, "Japanese banks are among the largest in the world." As Japan has ridiculous regulations on foreign ownership, our brethern have found a more insidious way to bring down the banks of Japan. Canadians have manipulated Japanese real estate prices, collapsing property prices and driving banks to the brink of bankruptcy. Upon forced deregulation by the World Trade Organization and the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development, the CIBC is poised to move its pawns into dominating positions in Japan.
Ever wondered what happened to Ayatollah Khomeni, the former Canadian fundamentalist Islamic dictator (and a Charter Member of the Canadian Imperialists)? After faking his own death, he shaved his beard, lost the turban, and became an "American" capitalist dog - to bring down the "Great Satan" from within. He assumed the identity of Larry Ellison, and started a phenomenally successful database company, Oracle. Using these databases, he has access to data about every American citizen and will share this information with Canada in the pending invasion.
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Our Khomeni/Ellison operative |
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Khomeni/Ellison has also shared this data with Canadian firms wishing to market goods in the United States, permitting Canada to target consumers better than domestic American firms. This has resulted in a huge trade deficit with Canada, $31,906,000,000 CDN this last year alone. As you are no doubt becoming aware, Canadian firms completely dominate the US economy, selling well over $200 billion CDN of products in 1996, over three quarters of the total goods consumed in the United States each year. "American" cars are all made in Canada. Boeing, based in Tacoma, builds most of its jets, including its advanced fighter aircraft, in the frozen Great White North. If Canada decides to halt exports to the US, stores will resemble those of the Soviet Union - bare shelves and long lines.
Arrogant insiders claim that the Microsoft juggernaut is a threat to future Canadian hegemony. However, it is a little-known fact that Melinda Gates, the wife of CEO William Gates III, is actually Canadian, born and raised in Thunder Bay, Ontario. Their children, heirs to the Microsoft throne, are therefore, half-Canadian. So even on the off chance that software companies like Microsoft do control the world's trade, Canadians are at their helm.
If you aren't convinced yet, you will be soon - Canadian firms command the world's economy, and are prepared to use that power for sinister, imperialist measures.