Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer
manufacturers
have
accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering
when you are not.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like
a
TOTAL DORK!.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same
boring
story over and over again until your friends want to SLAP YOU IN THE FACE.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like
thish.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers
are dying for you to telephone them at 4am.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell
happened to your trousers.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically
converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical
Kung Fu powers.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
bed the next morning
and see something really scary.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable
rug
burns on the forehead.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are
tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named FRANZ.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol will lead you to believe fat ugly
people
appear slim and attractive.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the
time-space
continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem
to
literally disappear.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
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