YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN CALIFORNIA WHEN.....
1. The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway
2. Your were born somewhere else
3. The salad is the main course
4. Your car has bulletproof windows
5. Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income
5 1/2. When everyone you know is on PROZAC!
6. If you need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot and pick one up
7. You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by
8. You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it
9. You drive to your neighborhood block party
10. Your family tree contains "significant others"
11. Your cat has it's own psychiatrist
12. You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them
13. You see 5 lawyers chasing each ambulance
14. More than clothes come out of the closets
15. You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
16. Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.
17. More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
18. When you miss appointments because you must "do lunch"
19. Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news
20. You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hottub repairman
21. You consult your horoscope before planning your day
22. Every county has signs that say "Do Not Move Backyard Fruit"
23. All highways into the state say: "Go back"
24. You don't recognize the language everyone is speaking
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