How to Survive A
Bad Case
of
Cabin
Fever
On this page: Is this Really
My Home?, Ask for the
Graces!, Emulate the
Virgin Mary, Look Around
You, Learn from Others
but Don't Compare, Look for
the Joy
By Elizabeth Yank
Co-founder of the Greater Milwaukee Catholic
Homeschoolers Support Group.
This article reprinted from the Spring 1995 issue of
The Catholic Family's
Magnificat! Home Education Magazine
Copyright 1995
When
the kids haven't been out of the house in two weeks, Mom is
grumpy because the baby woke up three times last night,
Daddy is working late again, and
nobody can
remember the last time you all did something spontaneously
joyful - a whopping case of
cabin fever has struck!
The first
thing you have to do is tell Our Lady about
the problem and she will add her prayer to yours and see you
through. Next,
try to get out for just one hour. If you simply can't, then
shut the door to your room for five minutes. Even if you
need to feed the baby while in your room, the simple act of
closing your eyes for five minutes will give you an
immediate sense of peace. Then
alter your routine for a day, or a week, if
you have to. You'll feel refreshed when you go back to the
usual and you will have gained your perspective once
more.
Is This Really My
Home? 
Why
is it that children who can politely answer the phone when
their mother is busy, cheerfully shovel a two foot
snowdrift, and sweetly amuse the baby are the same children
who cannot walk by each other
without whacking each other with a pencil?
(Ok, not whacking, but tapping.) To all those within ear
shot, the blood curdling scream that escapes from the tapped
person gives the general impression that he or she is being
brutally murdered. Naturally, this doesn't happen all the
time - just enough to irritate me.
Now anyone who says this is
learned behavior
is quite mistaken. I have never tapped, poked, prodded, or
whacked my children when passing them. Furthermore, I have
absolutely no deep seated urges to do so.
For those purists who think man was created perfect
and think his environment corrupted him, I refuse to take
the responsibility for the origins of this behavior. On the
other hand, as my children's nurturer, I will take full
responsibility to curb these tendencies immediately!
Created in the image and likeness of God, yet
suffering the ill effects of Adam and Eve'' fall, children
are neither perfect little cherubs nor depraved little
demons. One viewpoint denies the
reality of original
sin and the other overlooks the
wonders of
grace.
Faced with a myriad of conflicting viewpoints, where
do I go to seek the wisdom I need to be a true reflection of
my Heavenly Father's love? By throwing myself into my
Father's arms and begging Him to send me patience, I gain
the strength I need to cope with this job.
Let's face it, children will be children. Although you
may sometimes believe that their mission in life is to drive
you crazy, they are here to help you earn the grace you need
to gain Heaven, and more importantly, you are to guide them
there also - by your shining example.
Ask for the
Graces!
Fortunately, through the Sacrament
of Matrimony, our Heavenly Father has supplied us with an
abundant treasury of grace.
Utilize your withdrawal
slips! However, when things get tough, realize
your deposits are benefiting
others. Too often, this
precious jewel lays
forgotten in the dust-coated cobwebs. Wipe off
the cobwebs and polish this gift of love until it glitters
like gold. As children of our Father, we need to humble
ourselves and ask for that upward boost.
In moments of desperation, the
Memorare
prayer has never failed me. Whenever I have sent the Blessed
Mother an urgent SOS, she has always opened her arms to
comfort me. Too
often, I have waited until the eleventh hour
to ask for her help. Toll often, I become enwrapped in my
own misery and self-pity to remember that she is waiting to
ask her Son to "change the water into wine." In fact,
don't make that mistake.
Hold daily
conversations with Our
Lady. Enthrone
her in your home. As Christ's beloved mother,
give her a place of honor. She will advise you to
"do whatever He tells
you."
When my nerves are wearing thin, it's time for me to
drink from the well of graces. What is my prayer life like?
Is it realistically possible
for me to go to Mass before the children wake
up, or go with them later? What
about spiritual communion? Do I have a
spiritual advisor? If I can't or don't have one,
am I at least going to
confession regularly? Am I keeping a
particular examination of
conscience or a spiritual daily order? I can't
hide from my faults when I cross off those little marks.
What is my special
resolution for the day, the week, the year?
Am I making the
sacrifices I need to overcome my own defects
and gain grace, or am I entrenched in my bad habits?
Because patience is love embodied in reality, it is
the one of the most needed
virtues for the mother. It is love
demonstrated through living action. If we have yelled all
day, our children will doubt the validity of "I love you" as
we tuck them in at night.
As we have weak natures, the challenge to acquire
patience is an upstream battle. For those who did not
experience patience when children themselves, they can
cultivate it - with God's grace.
Emulate the
Virgin Mary
Too often I have heard mothers
say, "I could never stay at home with my kids all day." When
mothers have lost sight of their primary task -
to be a source of
love, to be a
center of peace, to be the
heart of the
home, to be a
reflection of
Mary - then nobody wants to be at
home.
Needless to say, there is one role model for mothers
who outshines all others. Visualize how the greatest model
of feminine kindness, the Blessed Mother, would react to a
particular situation. Would she
use this language or speak with this tone of
voice? By comparing ourselves to the Blessed
Mother, our spiritual lives will be greatly
enlightened.
After taking inventory and comparing ourselves to the
Virgin Mother, we don't have to lose hope! We can
ask God for the
graces we need to accomplish our mission in
life.
Look Around
You
Observe life. Without putting her
under a microscope, we can
watch a mother whose technique
for handling children we admire. When a
patient mother speaks to her child, she gives her whole
attention in such a way that the child feels special and
important. She speaks quietly and gently with edifying
words. In this way, when a real emergency arises, the child
knows it by the urgency in the mother's voice.
Read the lives of the
saints who were
also mothers.
They, too, had to overcome their faults to attain
heaven.
Of course, we're not perfect. When the rolls burn, the
baby is crying, and the three year old has had another
potty-training accident, we very well might blow a fuse.
That's why God asks us "to forgive one another."
A hug and an apology can go a
long way.
Perhaps the children need a
change of pace. Split them into different
areas of the house, or send them all to the basement, find a
game in which they must cooperate to win, assign an older
child to take care of a younger one for a short period of
time and give them a specific goal in mind (build a tower,
read a book, put up a train set, play ball).
If school is becoming drudgery,
find ways to make it less stressful. Pare down
the unnecessary "twaddle," as Charlotte Mason called it.
Teach what your value as indispensable - and nothing more.
Teach what you wish you had learned as a child and what your
children want to learn. Keep it simple, interesting, and
fun. Naturally, the children won't love every subject. So
find out why a particular subject is a problem and resolve
it. Each child is unique. What one child loves, another
abhors. Think of each problem as a mystery. As supersleuth
moms, we uncover the clues, fill in the missing pieces, and
solve the problems. Keep on
trying. We will become patient, not through
our won natural charm, wit and wisdom, but through the grace
of God.
Perhaps what the children need is focused attention
from us. The atmosphere in the home might become too tense
because we're trying to be
Supermom. (We all
know Supermom. Her house is
cleaner than Mr.
Clean's. Her children are
sweeter than apple
pie. Her husband
adores her every
move. She's so self-fulfilled that she has
self-destructed. In
reality, she's a Madison Avenue fairytale
created to make every woman feel inadequate.)
If a mother is trying to meet too many goals and she
hasn't even gotten dressed yet,
forget about washing the
kitchen floor. Change the baby's diaper, get
dressed, and eat breakfast. If the baby has colic, and all
mom does is pace the floor with him,
she's meeting his
needs. In a few months, the baby will outgrow
his fussing. (In these bleak moments, my guiding light has
always been "this too shall
pass.") Once the baby outgrows his colic,
return to the old schedule - or maybe a new and better one
will have been discovered.
To gain a sense of accomplishment,
meet a bite-sized goal
and cross it off
the list.
Throughout the day, continually evaluate what is the
priority at that particular moment. It could be anything
from cuddling up with a precocious three year old and a
favorite picture book to starting dinner.
Learn from
Others, But Don't Compare Yourself to
Others
Perhaps you've seen the flashy
"who's who" parade at a homeschooling conference and sat
back dazzled and amazed at everything those speakers
accomplish. Of course, they haven't talked about
how to cope with the dust on
top of the refrigerator! Many of these
speakers don't have a newborn, a toddler, and a preschooler,
or if they do, they have older children who help them. The
point is, these parents have mastered
the art of delegation and
self-discipline. You must realize that your
situation is unique to you!
We have the freedom to determine our schedules and
adapt our curriculum to our lifestyles. Whatever the
challenge is, step back, analyze it, meditate on Christ's
life, reflect on your ultimate goals, and get the creative
juices flowing to solve the situation.
Look for the
Joy
As Catholics, we have been given a
vision of life which transcends "cabin fever." We have the
message of hope that all our suffering has meaning. All our
miseries can be acts of love
offered to our Heavenly Father for our
redemption.
Does this mean our lives must be miserable?
Christ said,
"I came that you many have life
and have it more abundantly" (Jn 10:10). How
do we live spiritually abundant lives?
With a joy that refreshes. While living in the
miserable conditions of prison, Paul continually exhorted us
to, "Rejoice in the Lord
always" (Phil.4:4).
Within the realm of the domestic church, we want to
cultivate genuine, uplifting sensory, spiritual and
supernatural joys. We want to experience the delight of
singing, dancing, and sharing a good meal together. Through
a stimulating conversation, a good book read together, or a
hike through a forest, we can experience the noble,
spiritual joys of truth and beauty. And because love is
willing to sacrifice, it endures all things. Since they rest
in the knowledge of God's love, the
saints endured all things with
heroic strength.
St. Francis de Sales said,
"A sad saint is a sorry
saint." Each of us should ask ourselves, "What
kind of saint am I?" Without joy, family life would be
suffocating. So, in each child,
discover the talent, gift, or
activity which sparks an enthusiastic, noble
joy. By sharing the simple joys of life, we can create
lasting memories.
Now, you may argue, "How
can I find joy in waking to a mountain of laundry, a crying
baby, and a stack of dishes?" By focusing on
the positive and imploring God's help, you can say, "These
children!" When children spill their milk for the hundredth
time, believe that children are blessings - and count to
ten.
I continually beg God for patience to deal with my
children's quirky habits, their petty bickering, and the
need to explain to them the same math concept over and over
again while they whine, "I
can't wait!" When my frustration level peaks,
I need to step
back from the situation even more than the
child does. At this point, I usually ask the child to pull
out a book on a different subject. The
mental space and
time this allows helps me calm down. Sometimes
the problem seems to just click whereas before the child
didn't understand what was happening. If not, at least the
time has let me regroup my mental faculties, and I'' ready
to try again with a more open frame of mind, a calmer
attitude, and a new approach to the problem.
I wish I had patience by the bucket-full, but I don't.
My frustration is caused by my perfectionist ideals and
self-centeredness. I want things done my way - and now. When
that sin of pride creeps up, I must remind myself that the
children are being children. They're not street thugs,
selling dope, or embezzling fortunes. And all too soon, they
will be running after their own children.
What I do here and now will
impact future generations. This is a scary and
exhilarating thought! I need to keep a clear perspective on
the matter.
Whatever we do, we cannot blame homeschooling on a bad
case of the "blahs." Even if
the children went to school, we would still
have to deal with their bad habits and petty bickering when
they came home.
Because you love your kids,
and learning about God's incredible world
fascinates you, you are an ideal home educator. If you are
seriously committed to
imitating the Blessed Mother and in becoming
more patient mother, then perhaps someday you will hear
someone say, "What wonderful
children. They're so well-behaved." You'll
wonder, "Who are they talking
about?" and turn around to discover - it's
you.
Elizabeth Yank and her
husband Raymond homeschool their five children in Milwaukee,
WI. They have been home educating for eight years. Elizabeth
is also the co-founder of the Greater Milwaukee Catholic
Homeschoolers support group.
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This article originally appeared
in the Spring 1995 issue
The Catholic Family's
Magnificat! Home Education Magazine. All Rights
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