I can please only one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

> >>

 I love deadlines.  I especially like the whooshing sound
they make as they go flying by.

> >>

 Am I getting smart with you?  How would you know?

> >>

 I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

> >>

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

> >>

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

> >>

Tell me what you need,
and I'll tell you how to get along
  without it.

> >>
  Accept that some days you're the pigeon,
and some days you're the statue.

> >>

 Needing a man is like needing a parachute.
If he isn't there the first time you need him,
chances are you won't be needing him again.

> >>

  I don't have an attitude problem.
You have a perception problem.

> >>

 Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky
 and I thought to myself,
"Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

> >>

   My Reality Check bounced.

> >>

     On the keyboard of life,
always keep one finger on the  escape key.

> >>

    I don't suffer from stress.  I'm a carrier.

> >>

   You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through
    peanut butter.

> >>

   Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons,
for you are crunchy
   and taste good with ketchup.

> >>

     Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
 
 

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