By: Stephanie

***Author’s note:  Although I’m aware that at the end of Season 3, there were
several things going on in all the characters’ lives, I’m mainly concerned
with Doug and Carol.  While I will touch on the others, my main focus is on
these two.  For those of you who are interested in others in this wonderful
cast of characters, my apologies.  In this first story, however, there is a
mainline for Mark, so enjoy.

   The characters of ER are not my own (don’t I wish they were).  No profit
is being received for this story.   ***

***Italics indicate a character’s thoughts or memories.   ***

Who Do You Think You’re Fooling
by:  Stephanie (JainaS1200@aol.com)

        After driving Anna Del Amico back to her hotel, Doug Ross leaned against the
side of his Jeep and sighed heavily.  "Where could Charlie be?" he wondered
aloud.  That kid...she’s something else, Doug thought.
        "She reminds me of someone," Anna had said.
        "Who’s that?"
        "Me."
        Doug smirked and shook his head, getting into his car.  He’d have to ask her
what she meant by that sometime.  As he started the car and pulled out of the
parking lot onto the busy Chicago streets, his thoughts wandered.
        "How long ago did you and that nurse, Carol Hathaway break up?"
        "Long time ago."
        Doug stopped at a stop light.  Why’d she ask me that?  She’d been wary when
he’d asked her to dinner.  Someone must have clued her in about him.  Horns
blared around him and Doug started at the sight of the green light.  He
pressed the gas and continued towards home, his mind wandering again as the
city streets rolled by.
        "So, Doug, what ... what is all this about?"
        "What’s what about?"
        "This little dance you did today.  This ... this party.  You."
        "Well, you know ...  you haven’t had very good birthdays last couple of
years..."
        "The ones I spent with you?"
        "The ones I forgot, and um ... just thought it’s time you had a nice one."
        "Thank you."
        Doug smiled at the memory.  She’d had a good time that night.  So had he,
actually.  He pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building and eased
into his usual space.  Cutting the engine, he leaned back, still thinking of
her.
        "Everything’s so glib with you these days, you know?  I don’t know you
anymore.  I don’t know what matters to you."
        "Me either."
        Doug sat back up and restarted the engine.  I know now.

*****

        Doug shuffled his feet nervously as the El track shook around him.  That was
the third train to pass since he’d taken position there to wait for Carol to
get home.  Doug looked up when he heard a car door shut.  Toby Minz’s car
pulled away as Carol made her way up the steps to her porch.  Doug came out
from his station under the tracks and walked forward.
        "So, Toby doesn’t get to come inside?"
        Carol jumped at hearing his voice, "Doug!" she gasped relieved, "God, you
scared me!"
        "Yeah, I was ... I was hiding over there under the El track," he explained
shyly as he walked up the sidewalk onto the porch and leaned against the
column at the top of the steps.  His heart was pounding.
        "You’re lucky one of the neighbors didn’t see you.  They would have called
the cops.  What are you doing here?"
        Doug paused, unsure what to say.  He didn’t know himself what he was doing
there.  "So Toby doesn’t get to come inside?" he repeated awkwardly.
        Carol sighed and smiled, playing with her house key, "It was only the third
date.  Toby definitely does not get to come inside."  Doug pushed off the
column and approached Carol.  He looked deeply into her dark brown eyes.
       "What?" Carol asked smiling.  Doug smiled back softly.  "What?" she
repeated, suddenly self-conscious in his intense gaze.  It didn’t register
with Doug that she had said anything at all.  He was completely lost in her.
 Before he even realized what he was doing, he leaned forward and kissed her
lightly on the lips.  Carol gasped softly.  She wasn’t even sure he had
really kissed her.  It had been as soft as butterfly wings fluttering by.
 The grin on his face was that of a little boy who had been caught with his
hand in the cookie jar.  She took a tentative step forward and offered her
lips.  Doug met her halfway and their lips met, softly at first, but growing
more intense.  Doug lifted his hand to touch her face.  Carol placed her
hands on his hips.  The kiss continued and he moved his arms to surround her,
pulling her closer.  He didn’t want this to end ... ever.  Carol reached for
the knob and opened the door, leading Doug inside.  He stopped abruptly just
outside and pulled back.
        "What’s wrong?" Carol asked confused.
        "I can’t do this," Doug tried to explain, "What I mean is," he added when he
saw the hurt look in her eyes, "I want this to be a real relationship.  I
don’t want this to be the kind of thing where we have a quick fling and then
spend a year of awkward moments at work."
        Carol smiled, "So, Doug Ross has finally grown up?" She stepped back onto
the porch in front of him and wrapped her arms around his neck.
        Doug smiled, "Mmm-hmm, and, I caught a glimpse of tomorrow’s headline," he
placed his arms around her waist and tilted his head, "Did you know hell
froze over?"  Carol laughed and kissed him again.

*****
        Carol opened the door to the lounge the next morning.  Doug was there
already, fixing a cup of coffee.  He looked up and, seeing it was her,
smiled.
        "Good morning," he said, "Coffee?"
        "Thanks, that’s what I came in here for," she took the mug he held out to
her and he turned to pour another cup, "I didn’t get much sleep."
        "Neither did I," Doug looked at her, "I guess I should have stayed last
night so we could talk."
        "If you had stayed, I doubt we’d have done much talking," Carol laughed.
        Doug chuckled, "Seriously, what are we going to do about the work
situation?"
        "Well," Carol paused to think, "it’s almost impossible to keep things from
this group, but, for now, how about we try and keep this to ourselves as long
as we can?"
        "That’ll be about five minutes."
        Carol smiled, "Maybe.  You don’t mind, do you?"
        "It’s whatever you want."
        "I just want us to get to know each other again before we have to deal with
the rumor mill."
        "Carol, I don’t care.  You don’t have to explain," Doug downed the last of
his coffee.  He lowered his voice confidentially and whispered into Carol’s
ear, "Ok, I’m going out now.  You follow, but give me five minutes so no one
gets suspicious."
        Carol laughed and punched his arm playfully, "Get out of here!"

*****

        "Ok, Kenny, now don’t get that cast wet.  Have Mom put a garbage bag or
something over it when you take a shower," Doug instructed a seven year old
with his first broken bone.
        "Thank you, Dr. Ross," Kenny’s mother said smiling with her arm around her
son.
        "No problem," Doug smiled, "and Kenny, be careful climbing trees from now
on!"  The boy nodded and smiled as Doug exited the exam room.  He made his
way to the nurses’ station to finish Kenny’s chart.  Carol passed by with
x-rays headed for Trauma 2.
        "Doug," she acknowledged as she passed.
        "Carol," he returned, barely glancing up.
        Wonder if anyone bought that?  he thought.  Nobody seemed to take any
notice.  Jerry was arguing with E Ray.  Haleh was looking over a patient
chart.  Many of the others, Kerry, Doyle, Carter, were with that trauma.
 Mark was ... where was Mark?  Doug hadn’t seen him all day.
        "Jerry?"
        "Yeah?" Jerry looked over, still exasperated over whatever he and E Ray were
at odds over now.
        "Isn’t Mark on today?"
        "Yeah, and he’s over an hour late."
        That’s not like Mark.  Doug thought as he picked up the phone and dialed
Mark’s number.  He let it ring ten times before giving up.  Just as he laid
the receiver back in it’s cradle, one side of the ambulance bay double doors
slammed open and Mark walked in, rather unsteadily.
        "Mark?  You ok?" Doug dropped the pen he had been making notes with.  Mark
sauntered up to the open window of the reception area and leaned on the
counter.
        "Yeah," Mark drew the word out slowly, slightly slurred.
        "You’re drunk!" Doug said, shocked.  His nose wrinkled at the smell of
alcohol on his friend’s breath and clothes.
        "Well, you would know about that, wouldn’t you?" Mark shot back, still
shaky.  Doug narrowed his eyes at the comment, but let it slide.  He came
around the station and took Mark by one arm.
        "C’mon, buddy, let’s get you sobered up before someone responsible sees
you," Doug led Mark to the isolation room, where no one was likely to come,
and closed the blinds against the eyes of Haleh, Jerry, and E Ray, "Lay
down," he instructed.  Mark carefully climbed up onto the bed and laid down.
 Doug started an IV and left to get the meds he would need.  He returned and
administered D5 and N.S. to sober him up, and 600 of ASA to prevent the hell
of a hangover he was sure to have otherwise, "Now you just lay there and
sleep it off."
        Mark tossed a jaunty salute, "You’re the expert!"  Doug sighed and closed
the door.  He returned to Kenny’s chart and tried to remember what he had
been doing.  He felt the eyes of his coworkers on him.  Doug turned to them,
"I’d appreciate it if this didn’t get out, huh guys?"
        Haleh looked at Jerry and E Ray, then back at Doug, "We won’t say a word."
 Doug nodded, putting Kenny’s chart in the discharged pile and picked up a
new one.

*****

        Doug rubbed his eyes.  This was turning out to be a very long day.  It had
been an hour since Mark stumbled in.  He was still sleeping when Doug looked
in on him.  He headed toward exam 4 where a little girl was waiting with the
sniffles.
        "Doug," Kerry Weaver fell in step beside him, "have you seen Mark today?"
        "Yeah," Doug replied, "he’s sleeping down in isolation."  Haleh looked up
from where she was stocking a cart.  "He didn’t look too good when he came
in.  I don’t think he slept well, so I told him to crash out.  We’re not
really busy right now."
        "Oh, ok.  That’s fine. He’s been working too much anyway," Kerry replied as
she turned and headed back to retrieve a chart.  Haleh stared at Doug.
        "What?  I told her the truth." Doug told her as he continued toward exam 4.


*****

        "Wake up!"
        Mark jerked awake, gasping for air.  He shook his head to push back the
dream ... but it hadn’t been a dream.  It had been real.
        "He’s awake now."
        "Yo, bro, lend me twenty bucks."
        Mark squeezed his eyes closed against the memory, not wanting to remember.
        "This is my stop."
        "You don’t want to give me some money, man?"  he’d tried to walk away.
        "We’re getting off...this is our stop."  His heart pounded as he felt the
punks crowd around him.  He hurried out the door of the train to try and
create some space, but they followed on his heels.  All he could think of was
he’d be damned if he was going to let himself be a victim again.  Before he
was conscious of it, he pulled the gun.
        "Back off!"
        "Be cool, man!" the punks were as shocked as Mark at the gun they now had a
close view of.  "Yo, be cool man!"
        "Shut up!  Shut up!"
        "Be cool, glasses man!"
        Mark wiped the sweat off his brow and from his eyes.  He had run after that.
 He hadn’t known where he was going, and he hadn’t cared.  He had just wanted
to get away, from everything.  He had wanted to forget.  Finding himself on
the bridge over the Chicago River, he’d hurled the gun into it’s murky
depths.  Leaning over the rail, gazing into the blackness below that matched
his soul, he had done the only think he could think of, he’d headed to the
nearest bar.
        Mark glanced at his watch.  He was 3 hours late for work.  Sitting up, Mark
stretched out and cleared his head.  He removed the IV in his arm and left
the room.

*****

        Doug looked up when he heard the door to the iso room open.  Mark emerged,
looking rough, but sober.  He walked over to him.
        "Mark?"
        "Yeah, Doug?"
        "You ok?  You want to talk about anything?"
        "Nope," Mark replied irritated, "everything’s fine."
        Doug grabbed his arm gently and stopped him, "Everything’s not fine, Mark,
when you stumble in here, an hour late, drunk!"
        Mark looked down at Doug’s restraining hand on his arm and roughly removed
it, "Well, you know all about it, don’t you?"  Mark ignored Doug’s glare and
headed down the hall towards the lounge.
        "What was that all about?" Carol came up from behind Doug and placed a hand
on his shoulder.
        Doug turned to her, "I’m not sure, but I’m going to end it right now."  Doug
strode purposefully after Mark.

*****

        Mark was changing into his scrubs when Doug opened the door.  They were
alone.  Doug made sure the door was shut behind him.
        "Mark, I think maybe you need to get some help."
        Mark glared at Doug as he pulled his scrub top over his head, "I’m fine, ok.
 I don’t need anybody’s help."
        "Yes, you do, and you know it."
        Mark slammed his locker and turned on Doug, "You don’t understand, Doug!
 You don’t know what it’s like for a complete stranger to beat the hell out
of you ... and for no reason!"
        "Ok, I don’t know what it’s like for a complete stranger to beat the hell
out of me for no reason," Doug seemed to be choosing his words carefully,
"But I do know, as you continue to point out, that when the way you deal with
your problems is by drowning yourself in a bottle, you need to get help!"
 Doug looked Mark in the eyes.  He seemed to be listening.  For the first
time since the incident, he was listening.  Doug took a deep breath, "Mark,
it took me my entire adult life to realize what I just told you.  I don’t
want to see my best friend screw his life up the way I did mine.  You’ve got
friends, Mark, people you can talk to, people that care about you.  Let us
help you through this.  You don’t have to be alone."
        Mark leaned back against his locker and closed his eyes, "I bought a gun."
 Doug’s eyes widened, but he said nothing, "Last night on the El, I pulled it
on some punks who were hassling me.  I scared them to death.  They were
afraid of me."  Mark looked Doug in the eyes, "No one’s ever been afraid of
me before,"  He looked down, "and I hated it.  I threw the gun in the river.
 I just wanted to forget, so I hit the bars ... and I forgot, but..."
        "But it always comes back, doesn’t it," Doug finished for him, "It’s always
there again when you wake up.  It won’t go away."  Mark nodded, still focused
on his shoes.  "Do you want it to go away, Mark?"  Mark looked up at Doug who
had moved over to stand by him.  Doug placed a hand firmly on his friend’s
shoulder.  "The only way it’s going to go away, the only way it’s going to
get better, is if you get help. This is coming from the expert." Doug
finished with a sad smile.  Mark looked at his best friend and managed a
small smile in return.
        "Tell you what I’ll do," Doug offered, "I’ll set you up with my shrink, Dr.
Adderholt.  She’s great, and if you go in one day and don’t want to talk
about your problems, you can tell her about your patients ...  or you can
complain about Weaver."
        Mark nodded still looking at Doug, not knowing what to make of his friend.
 Doug broke the uncomfortable silence, "You look like hell.  Why don’t you go
home?  Get some sleep and I’ll call you."
        "Yeah, I think I will." Mark turned back to his locker and retrieved his
coat.  Doug moved toward the door to return to work, "Doug," Mark called
after him.
        "Yeah?" Doug stuck his head back in the door.
        "Thanks."
        "You’re welcome Mark.  Now go home and get some sleep.  Doctor’s orders."

*****

        Carol was laying on the couch in the lounge asleep when Doug returned to it
at the end of the day.  He smiled when he saw her and walked quietly over.
 He knelt down by her side and kissed her lips.  She responded, not even
opening her eyes.  After a moment, they parted, only because they did not
want anyone to walk in on them.  Carol opened her eyes and gazed into Doug’s.
        "Hello Sleeping Beauty," he smiled.
        "Same to you, Prince Charming," she returned, "I’ve barely seen you all
day."
        "I know," Doug said getting off his knees and going to his locker, "we keep
this up and there’s no way anyone will ever get suspicious about anything
going on between you and I."
        "How’s Mark?"
        "He’s going to be all right, I think.  I convinced him to see Dr.
Adderholt."
        Carol’s eyes widened, "How did you ever manage that?"
        Doug shrugged, "Doesn’t matter.  He’s going, that’s what’s important.  So,
do you want to grab dinner?"
        "Are you sure it’s safe?  We’re doing so well.  We wouldn’t want to blow our
cover," Carol teased.
        "Well, unless they’ve got someone tailing us, I don’t think leaving at the
same time, since we both just got off, will draw much attention."
        "Let’s go then."
        Doug picked up Carol’s coat and held it for her as she slipped into it.  He
then donned his own and held the door for her.  They walked over to the
reception area at the nurses’ station to sign out.
        "Well, I am outta here!" Doug announced finishing his signature and passing
it to Carol.
        "Me too," Carol chimed, "See you guys tomorrow!"
        Everyone at the nurses’ station gave them a distracted wave good-bye as they
walked through the door.
        "So, have those two finally quit dancing around the issue and started going
out?" Randi asked absently as she flipped the page of her fashion magazine.
        "I hope so," Chuny said reaching around Jeanie for a pen.
        "Yeah," Jeanie joined in, "the act is fun for a while, but it’s getting
old."
        "Mmm-hmm," Kerry, E Ray, Carter, Doyle, and Kerry agreed all nodding.

***

Please, send me your response, positive or negative.  Only by giving me
your thoughts, suggestions, and comments can these stories get better.  Send
responses to JainaS1200@aol.com.  Thanks!