A Little Background:

Steamboat Mountain is a man-killer
truckers who haul the Alaska Highway treat it with respect
Particularly in the winter

The road curves and twists over the mountain
And sheer cliffs drop away sharply from the icy road
Countless trucks and truckers have been lost there and many more will follow their last tracks

On one trip up the highway I came upon the Royal
Canadian Mounted Police and several wreckers
winching the remains of a semi up the cliff
I parked my rig and went over to the quiet group truckers
who were watching the wreckage slowly come into sight

One of the Mounties walked over to us and spoke quietly
"I'm sorry," he said, "the driver was dead when we found him
He must have gone over the side two days ago when we had a bad snowstorm
There weren't many tracks
It was just a fluke that we noticed the sun shining off some chrome"

He shook his head slowly and reached into his parka pocket
"Here, maybe you guys should read this
I guess he lived for a couple of hours until the cold got to him."

I'd never seen tears in a cop's eyes before
I always figured they'd seen so much death
and despair they were immune to it
He wiped tears away as he handed me the letter.
As I read it I began to weep
Each driver silently read the words
Then quietly walked back to his rig
The words were burned into my memory
and now years later that letter is still
As vivid as if I were holding it before me
I want to share that letter with you and your families

December, 1974
My Darling Wife

This is a letter that no man ever wants to write
but I'm lucky enough to have some time
to say what I've forgotten to say so many times.
I love you sweetheart.
You used to kid me that I loved the truck
more than you because I spent more time with her.
I do love this piece of iron-she's been good to me.
She's seen me through tough times and tough places.
I could always count on her in a long haul
and she was speedy in the stretches.
She never let me down.

But you want to know something?
I love you for the same reasons.
You've seen me through the tough times and places too.

Remember the first truck?
That run down "ol' cornbinder"
that kept us broke all the time
but always made just enough money to keep us eating?

You went out and got a job
so that we could pay the rent and the bills.
Every cent I made went into the truck
while your money kept us in food
with a roof over our heads.

I remember that I complained about the truck
but I don't remember you ever complaining
when you came home tired from work
and I asked you for money to go on the road again.

If you did complain I guess I didn't hear you.
I was too wrapped up with my problems to think of yours.

I think now of all the things you gave up for me.
The clothes the holidays the parties the friends.

You never complained and somehow
I never remembered to thank you for being you.

When I sat having coffee with the boys,
I always talked about the truck my rig, my payments.
I guess I forgot you were my partner
even if you weren't in the cab with me.

It was your sacrifices and determination as
much as mine that finally got the new truck.

I was so proud of that truck I was bursting.
I was proud of you too
but I never told you that.

I took it for granted you knew
but if I had spent as much time talking with you
as I did polishing chrome perhaps I would have.

In all the years I've pounded the pavement
I always knew your prayers rode with me.
But this time they weren't enough.

I'm hurt and it's bad.
I've made my last mile and
I want to say the things that should
have been said so many times before.
The things that were forgotten because
I was too concerned about the truck and the job.

I'm thinking about the missed anniversaries and birthdays.
The school plays and hockey games that
you went to alone because I was on the road.
I'm thinking about the lonely nights you spent alone
wondering where I was and how things were going.
I'm thinking of all the times I thought
of calling you just to say hello and somehow didn't get around to.
I'm thinking of the peace of mind I had
knowing that you were at home with the kids waiting for me.
The family dinners where you spent all your time
telling your folks why I couldn't make it.
I was busy changing oil I was busy looking for parts
I was sleeping because I was leaving early the next morning
There was always a reason but somehow
they don't seem very important right now.

When we were married you didn't
know how to change a light bulb.
Within a couple of years you were fixing the furnace
in a blizzard while I was waiting for a load in Florida.
You became a pretty good mechanic helping me with repairs
and I was mighty proud of you when you jumped
into the cab and backed up over the rose bushes.

I was proud of you when I pulled into the yard
and saw you sleeping in the car waiting for me.
Whether it was two in the morning or two in the afternoon
you always looked like a movie star to me.
You're beautiful you know.
I guess I haven't told you that lately but you are.
I made lots of mistakes in my life
but if I only ever made one good decision
it was when I asked you to marry me.

You never could understand what it was that kept me trucking.
I couldn't either but it was my way of life
and you stuck with me.
Good times bad times you were always there.
I love you sweetheart and I love the kids.

My body hurts but my heart hurts even more.
You won't be there when I end this trip.
For the first time since we've been together
I'm really alone and it scares me.
I need you so badly and I know it's too late.

It's funny I guess but what I have now is the truck.
This damned truck that ruled our lives for so long.
This twisted hunk of steel that I lived in and with for so many years.
But it can't return my love. Only you can do that.

You're a thousand miles away
but I feel you here with me.
I can see your face and feel your love
and I'm scared to make the final run alone.

Tell the kids that I love them very much
and don't let the boys drive any truck for a living.

I guess thats about it honey.
My God but I love you very much.
Take care of yourself and always remember
that I loved you more than anything in life.
I just forgot to tell you.
I love you

Bill