Danno's August 20th Letters


Dear Danno,
I think you are the greatest! How would you feel about a blind date?
signed.....Fan in Faxton
Dear Fan,
Some eye trouble would be okay, but I don't usually
date women who are blind. And thanks for the compliment.

Dear Danno,
Are you a racist?
signed....Minority in Manerva
Dear Minority,
I'm afraid I don't have the nerve or courage
to be a stock car racist...I'm afraid I'll crash.

Dear Danno,
I'm going to Las Vegas next month. Any advice on craps?
signed....Gambler in San Antonio
Dear Gambler,
I'm afraid I'm no expert when it comes to going to
the bathroom...or having the "craps" as you put it.
Sure I get the craps every now and then...we all do,
but if you're afraid of getting them while in Las
Vegas, I'd suggest staying away from fibers.

Dear Danno,
What is a mutual fund?
signed....Grad in Reno
Dear Grad,
It is a fund that is mutual.

Dear Dave,
I am Polish and proud of it, but I am getting sick
and tired of all the so-called "Polish jokes" that
are going around. I do not enjoy being called dum.
How did this silly tradition of knocking Polish
people start anyway?
signed....Pole in Pelham
Dear Pole,
Before I answer that, allow me to offer some other
advice. My name is Danno...not Dave. When mailing a
letter as you did, why not try one 32 cent stamp
instead of thirty two 1 cent stamps.
As for your question...I have no idea.

Dear Danno,
My sex life has hit the skids! It's the same thing
week after week. Every Sunday night at 10pm, after
my husband watches the X-Files on television, we have
sex. I want sex to be spontaneous...not planned.
What can I do to break him of this habit. Any suggestions?
signed....Starved in Seattle
Dear Starved,
Who can blame your husband? There's nothing good on
Tv Sunday nights after the X-Files. Your only other
option is the Thursday night 9:30-10pm time slot when
NBC sneaks in a bad show between Seinfeld and
ER.

Dear Danno,
My husband and I desperately want to have children.
What is the best time of the month to attempt
it?
signed....Hopeful in Hagerton
Dear Hopeful,
Sunday nights after the X-Files, or Thursday nights
between 9:30 and 10pm.

Dear Danno,
I am a lawyer who needs sound advice. I am defending
a dog kennel in a lawsuit that is being accused of
giving a "showdog" fleas. I'm drawing a blank on my
defense stradegy. Any legal advice?
signed...Lawyer in Lewisville
Dear Lawyer,
I think I would try flea bargaining.

Dear Danno,
Talk about a tongue twister. Can you say "seashells
by the seashore" five times fast?
signed...Twisted in Texas
Dear Twisted,
Seashells by the seashore...seashells by the seashore
...seashells by the seashore...seashells by the
seashore...seashells by the seashore.
Aw, that was easy.

Dear Danno,
Why do I look like the mailman instead of my Daddy?
signed...Youngster in Yosemite
Dear Youngster,
The cable man must have been on vacation that week.

Dear Danno,
When you were writing your column in a small, local
newspaper, you once printed a beautiful poem about a
boy and his dying father. It was such a heart
warming poem, that I cried for hours after reading
it. It was quite touching. Could you please print
that poem again for your new fans to read. I think
it would truely make their day.
Thanks Danno.
signed....Heartfelt in Hackensack
Dear Heartfelt,
No....