Danno's Chat Room Advice!
Danno's Chat Room Advice!
This column is not really suited for the kids, so if you have one sitting next to you...get em' the hell out of the room...ok?
Dear Danno,
I have tried something in chat rooms called cybersex. It seems interesting, but I don't seem to be very good at it. How can I improve upon my technique?
signed...Unsure in Uttica
Dear Unsure,
The worst mistake a cybersex partner can make during cybersex is mispellings and typos. If you somehow use one of the following words in error: dock, cook, posse, tips, clot, asp, or huck... you have made a fatal error that has totally disrupted your cyber mate. So be careful...
Dear Danno,
The thing I do not like about chat rooms is it usually results in getting SPAM. I'm tired of it. Is there anything I can do to avoid it?
signed...Fed Up in Farmingville
Dear Fed Up,
Why not buy Sloppy Joe instead? Either one make a great sandwich!
Dear Danno,
What is a pop up?
signed...Newbie in Nantucket
Dear Newbie,
It is usually what happens to a man during cybersex.
Dear Danno,
Do you believe a person can fall in love on the net?
signed...Believer in Boise
Dear Believer,
I don't know...the closest I've come to falling in love on a net was when my girlfriend and I had sex on a hamock.
Dear Danno,
Do you think performing cybersex is the same as cheating on your spouse?
signed...Guilty in Jacksonville
Dear Guilty,
As long as I continue to do it, and my wife continues not to do it, my answer would be no.
Dear Danno,
Can you get pregnant from cybersex?
signed...Afraid in Mississippi
Dear Afraid,
It is rare, but if it makes you feel more at ease, simply have your gentleman cyber mate place a Glad Sandwich Baggie over his mouse prior to the cybersex.
Dear Danno,
I have heard that during cybersex, many couples actually experience a climax. Is this true?
signed...Amazed in Alberta
Dear Amazed,
Yes, it is true. Many men have ruined their keyboards as a result, often causing a letter on their keyboard to get stuck. Always be careful.
Dear Danno,
Have you ever had cybersex?
signed...Offering in South Dakota
Dear Offeeeeeeeeering,
Who, meeeeeeeeeeeee? I'll neeeeeeeeveeeeeeeer teeeeeeeeeeeeell. Geeeeeeeee, that's funny, my eeeeeeeeee's areeeeeeeee stuck.....oops
Dear Danno,
I recently met a man in a chat room, but I am skeptical because he sounds too good to be true. He sounds too perfect...6'2", blue eyes, muscular, model...Should I believe him?
signed...Skeptical in San Jose
Dear Skeptical,
Wow...he sounds just like me...identical...
Dear Danno,
I think the beauty of chatrooms is that you do not know what the other person looks like. In chat rooms, everyone is beautiful. You are judged from the inside, and not the outside. I think that is wonderful.
signed...Skin Deep in St. Louis
Dear Skin Deep,
You must be ugly...
Dear Danno,
When I first enter a chat room, should I say hello?
signed...Unsure in New Hampshire
Dear Unsure,
Well, it beats saying "kiss my a$$" when first entering a room.
Dear Danno,
Is there anything worse than a person who ignores you while you're talking to them in a chat room?
signed...Tired of it in Texas
Dear Danno,
Is there anything worse than a chatterbox in the chat rooms?
signed...Ssshhh in Vermont
Dear Sssshh,
Nothing is worse than someone who doesn't know when to stop talking. That is the worst...Can't stop talking for a second Just keeps going on and on and on and on and on and on...I hate people like that...they are the worst. Keep going on and on and on...it's terrible. Really gets monotonous after a while....on and on and on and on....and on and on and on...never knowing when to stop...just keep going and going and going....going on and on and on and on and on.....geez, I hate people like that. Never know when to stop...keep gong on and on and on and on and on and on........I'm just glad that I am not one of those people....you know...te kind that keep going on and on and on and on......
Dear Danno,
I have a whacko who won't leave me alone. I met him in a chat room, and now my life is a living hell because of him. He sends me dirty email messages, and he says tasteless things...I'm getting nervous. He just won't stop. What should I do?
signed...Scared in Sacramento
Dear Scared,
OK, OK...I'll leave you alone!
Dear Danno,
Can you tell your readers to watch their language while writing in the chat rooms? People must realize that children may be in the room. Thanks Danno.
signed...Mother in Madison
Dear Mother,
Yes...I certainly would not want my kid to hear the same language that he hears on his school bus.
Dear Danno,
I'm tired of going into sports chat rooms and getting some guy who doesn't know the first thing about sports hogging up the conversation. How can we get rid of those people?
signed...Sportsfan in Tacoma
Dear Sportsfan,
I know what you mean. The other day when I was in a sports chatroom, I told one guy that the Packers would lose the Super Bowl because they can't rebound worth a hoot, and because they have a weak bullpen, and he spoke to me like I was the crazy one! Can you imagine that?
See you next week!
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