Danno's Christmas Advice

Dear Danno,
What would you consider to be the best and most traditional Christmas meal?
signed....Cooking Mom in Mississippi

Dear Cooking,
Food...

Dear Danno,
Our six year old son, Kevin, has asked "Santa" for a computer for Christmas. Unfortunately, my husband was laid off of work last month, and we simply can't afford to buy him a computer. This is breaking our hearts. What do we tell our son? How do you explain to a six year old why Santa can't honor his wish?
signed...Upset in Tunica

Dear Upset,
It's important that you nor your husband feel like failures or bad parents for not being able to afford a computer. These things unfortunately happen. Computers are expensive. I'm sure your son will be happy with whatever you can afford to buy him. Anything you give him will be from your heart...and that...is the most important and BEST gift you can give a child. Good luck.

Dear Danno,
What's the best gift you can give a child for Christmas?
signed....Shopper in Virginia Beach

Dear Shopper,
A computer!

Dear Danno,
My eight year old daughter, Brenda, is very upset with her father and me. She has asked us for a computer for Christmas, and I have explained to her that We can't afford to buy a computer for her. She refuses to listen to reason...instead insisting that all of her friends own a computer. She is making us feel bad. She reads your column. Can you xplain to her that not every child owns a computer? Maybe you can convince her Danno. Thanks.
signed...Hopeful in Atlantic City

Dear Hopeful,
I guess that may be true. To validate your concerns, I went to talk to my children about it, but they were all using their own Personalized Computers that I had bought them each for Halloween, so they were too busy to respond. The three year old was playing tic-tac-toe with a man in Bombay! But getting back to your problem...if you say not all kids have a computer, I'll go along with it.

WARNING: NOT FOR CHILDREN

Dear Danno,
My name is DeAnne, and I am six years old. Every year, Mommy takes me to the mall to get a picture taken with Santa. Today I looked at the pictures, and Santa looks different every year. Why?
signed...DeAnne in Sacramento

Dear DeAnne,
...because the mens laps you were sitting on were probably those of alcoholics, cleptomaniacs, or recovering drug addicts! In other words..mall Santas are fake!

Dear Danno,
My name is Denise and I am four years old. I just realized I didn't leave Santa cookies last year. Will he be mad at me and not bring me gifts?
signed...Denise in Detriot

Dear Denise,
Aw...thanks for such a cute letter Sweetheart. Unfortunately, Santa is pissed off at you and he will not bring you any gifts. You blew it!

Dear Danno,
I have been extra good this year. My Mom and Dad even agree. Does this mean Santa will bring me lots and lots of toys?
signed...Little Al in Cleveland

Dear Little Al,
Santa doesn't go to Cleveland. Can you blame him?

Dear Danno,
Can reindeer really fly?
signed...Kiddo in Biscayne

Dear Kiddo,
No...but, with a few good hits of marijuana, they can appear to fly!

Dear Danno,
What's the best Christmas present you ever received?
signed...Curious in Calgary

Dear Curious,
A small package that enabled me to see reindeer fly.

Dear Danno,
If Santa Claus brings us toys, who delivers gifts to Jewish boys and girls for Hanukkah?
signed...Steve in Spokane

Dear Steve,
Santa Claustein

Dear Danno,
What exactly is the First Noel?
signed...Wonderer in Nebraska

Dear Wonderer,
It came right before the Second Noel.

FOOTNOTE: Actually, When God first decided to name this holiday Christmas....he originally entitled it as: CHRISTLMAS. He took one look at it and said..." hmmm...let's get rid of the L...no L." Thus...the first No el.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! HOPE YOU HAVE A SAFE AND MERRY CHRISTMAS AND/OR HANAKKUH! BE BACK THE WEEK AFTER CHRISTMAS FOR A NEW YEARS COLUMN! THANKS FOR STOPPING BY!!!!!

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