Danno's Parental Advice





Dear Danno,
My wife is still breast-feeding my nine year old son! Is this sort of thing normal?
signed...Concerned Dad in Canton
Dear Concerned,
No, that is absolutely crazy! It's time you stop that immediately and you put him on a baby bottle already!

Dear Danno,
I just caught my thirteen year old daughter smoking! I am so upset! How can I prevent her from smoking when I am not in her presence?
signed...Mortified Mom in Maine
Dear Mortified Mom,
Tell her that boys won't even think about having sex with her as long as she continues to smoke! Hope that does the trick!

Dear Danno,
My wife and I are expecting our first child in January. The problem is: she wants me to be present in the delivery room, and I am afraid that I am just too squeamish to do so! I get sick at the slightest sight of blood. What should I do?
signed...Nervous in Nyack
Dear Nervous,
I remember my first experience in a delivery room! It was like a scene out of the movie "Aliens"... blood everywhere...little heads popping out... blood everywhere...busted membranes...afterbirth. Yes sir, you don't want to miss that! Go and have fun. Good Luck!

Dear Danno,
My wife and I are arguing. She would like our seven year old daughter to have a computer, but I don't feel she needs one right now at her age. Can you give me any good reasons for her needing a computer at age seven?
signed...Realistic in San Antonio
Dear Realistic,
I can think of a few good reasons, but the most important one: Dear Danno

Dear Danno,
How old should my son be before I teach him about sex?
signed...Raring Dad in San Jose
Dear Raring,
What are you, a whacko?!? When he's old enough, he'll learn it on the streets like the rest of us did!

Dearest Danno,
My wife and I have been arguing about my son's 1997 Christmas presents. She wants to buy him dreadful toys that have no educational purpose, while I, on the other hand, would like to buy him a set of encyclopedias and a new calculator. What would you suggest as an appropriate Christmas present?
signed...Father in Wisconsin
Dear Father,
A new Daddy...

Dear Danno,
While running in a school track meet, our fourteen year old son fell and broke his leg. He is now feeling sorry for himself, and I don't like his attitude. What can I say to brighten his spirits?
signed...Athlete's Dad in Detroit
Dear Athlete's Dad,
Tell him he's lucky he isn't a race horse...or he'd have been destroyed!

Dear Danno,
I just found out that my fifteen year old son has been gambling away his entire allowance on football games! Sometimes he won't have lunch for the entire week, instead he uses the lunch money to place bets. What advice can you give me for my son?
signed...Shrugging in Sacramento
Dear Shrugging,
1) Tell your son he should go with the Green Bay Packers to cover the point spread
2) Have you ever tasted those school lunches Dad?

Dear Danno,
My mother-in-law is coming to visit this weekend. Despite my pleas, she continues to smoke around my children when she visits. I have two young children, and I fear for their health. How can I make her stop?
signed...Desperate in Dallas
Dear Desperate,
I'm afraid you're gonna have to hit Grandma where it hurts. May I suggest upside the head?

Dear Danno,
My twelve year old son wants to play football, but my wife is afraid he will get hurt. Should we let him play?
signed...Daddy in St. Louis
Dear Daddy,
Cut the kid some sack. My parents didn't want my brother to play football at twelve years old either, but they allowed him anyway. The good news, is that after three short years of rehabilitation, and four knee surgeries, my brother was able to walk again, with the help of a cane! So, let your son play!

Dear Danno,
I just learned that my son has been buying marijuana at school from some kid named Bernie. I am shocked! What shall I do?
signed...Alarmed in Arkansas
Dear Alarmed,
Please forward Bernie's name and address to me, I am running a bit low myself. Thanks




Dear Danno,
My son, Jim Jr. , is hooked on Star Trek. I was too when I was young, but I am afraid he's becoming obsessed. should I worry?
signed...Curious Dad in Canada
Dear Curious,
Damn it Jim, I'm a columnist...not a psycologist!



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