***NOTE:  The song "Estranged" is copyright Guns 'n' Roses.
                          Siva is copyright Lady Rhye; Storm is copyright DarkAngel.***
 

    OK…as an intro, this is how this all started…Siva and Storm had a thing for each other years ago, when they were both still rock stars.  (In other words, they used to fuck like bunny rabbits whenever their paths would cross.)  At least, they did until they both changed…OK.  Moving on…They never saw each other again until years later, when they met again on the AYML…In a nutshell, Siva and Storm had a short fling (in the infamous ML closet). Storm (unbeknownst to anyone else) realized that after all they’d been through together, he was in love with Siva after all these years.  All of his seemingly carefree memories took on whole new meanings.  Siva, meanwhile, was caught up in his own troubles, and he tried to drown his misery by looking for
gratification elsewhere. (Note: He was a regular in the closet before <beep>.)  Anyway, at the time…Dion had an orgy in his room, and when Storm dragged Dion with him to invite Siva, Siva was in the closet with someone else.  Storm’s heart was broken, because Siva is the first person he’s loved who he couldn’t have.  So he started to treat Siva like he was just another throwaway.  And now watch the story unfold…

*[  ]* - the most important flashback!

(If you want to know everything that’s happened between these two, you’ll have
to wait for the fic!  :Þ )
 
How it all started...

> Siva: ::evil smirk:: What about the men here?

> Storm:  Yeah, them, too.  At least, most of them. *pointed look at Siva*
   Not all, though.  *walks away, going to find Dion and Torin*

> Siva: ::stands, watching him, mouth agape:: WHAT'D I DO?!?!
> Tai: ::pats him consolingly::  Poor Siva...
> Siva: But-but-but...  ::goes off to commit suicide::

----------------------------------------
Storm
“Estranged” by Guns N’ Roses
Album: Use Your Illusion II
Director: Zillah
----------------------------------------

(Song opens with Storm sitting beside Siva’s hospital bed, watching his
beautiful ex-lover sleep after an unsuccessful suicide attempt)

When you're talkin’ to yourself
And nobody's home

(Storm with a desperately unhappy, emotionally drained look on his face.  He’s
contemplating the fact that there’s so much he wants to tell Siva, but after
so many years of casual sex and furtive, stolen liaisons, he’s unable to face
being honest about his feelings.)

You can fool yourself
You came in this world alone
(Alone)

(He senses his own loneliness.  He fears that because Siva no longer wants
him, no one ever will - he’ll ALWAYS be alone.  A tear rolls down his cheek
and lands on the sleeping Siva’s face.)

(~short solo~)

So nobody ever told you baby
How it was gonna be

(A closeup of Storm’s face – he is remembering all the men and women he’s been
cruel to in the past. His face twists into a sneer as he realizes that irony
has exacted its payback in blood - after hurting so many who have loved him in
the past, he now knows what feels like to be on the wrong side of unrequited
love)

So what'll happen to you baby
Guess we'll have to wait and see

(He silently realizes that he’s scared of what the future brings.  He doesn’t
know if Siva will live, yet at the same time, he dreads Siva’s waking; it
would mean that they would have to talk, and Storm would have to face Siva’s
rejection yet again as he explained why he had acted the way he did.)
 

Old at heart but I'm only 28

(Storm reflects on his age, and the fact that he feels as exhausted as an old
man.  His mind flashes back to their stolen weekend at the cabin in
Switzerland.  They had met on the slopes, and almost torn each other apart,
only to be caught up in a sexual frenzy that very same evening.)

And I'm much too young
To let love break my heart

(He hangs his head in agony, feeling the pain of both Siva’s suicide attempt
and his own shattered emotions.  He remembers another encounter – this one
purely by chance – at a photo shoot in England, when the two bands were being
compared to each other.  He smiles sadly at the memory of Siva’s cryptic
comments to the press about their relationship.)

Young at heart but it's getting much too late
To find ourselves so far apart

(Storm looks over at Siva, who sighs in his sleep and turns over.  His back is
now to Storm, who is hypersensitive to the symbolism of the move and swallows
the bitter lump of tears in his throat.  Another flashback – this one is of
Siva beneath him, shivering in the throes of orgasm as he bites down on
Storm's shoulder. They’ve known each other for so many years, and have been
through so much together; Storm cannot accept the fact that they’re now like
strangers. )

I don't know how you're s'posed
To find me lately

(He silently acknowledges to Siva that he’s been really ignorant to him lately
– he offers a silent apology for his moods, which he himself does not
understand.  Memories of the arguments they’ve had over the years intrude on
his wordless communication, and Storm closes his eyes as they once again fill
up with tears.)

And what more could you ask from me

(Storm wants Siva to understand that he needs to be there whether Siva needs
him or not – because of their past, Storm will never forget Siva, but he will
always be afraid to get close to him again.  He’s too frightened of having to
relive the pain of Siva’s rejection to risk opening up again.)

How could you say that I never needed you

(his mood swiftly changes to one of anger at the unfairness of the forces that
have brought them to this situation – both of their pasts, their lost careers,
their last bitter argument, and Siva’s downward spiral into self-destruction)

When you took everything
I said you took everything from me

(Storm feels as if the half of his soul that really mattered is gone; Siva may
as well have ripped it out.  He curses the gods that their love can never be.)

(~short solo~)

(He drinks in Siva’s appearance as someone who has been thirsting for a long
time would drink in water, unable to gather the courage to lay the past to
rest or the strength to leave)

Young at heart and it gets so hard to wait

(Storm shifts nervously in the rigid hospital chair, and his gaze slides once
again to the clock silently ticking on the wall above the door)

When no one I know can seem to help me now

(he closes his eyes to hide the look of despair as he swims in the memories of
their once-passionate relationship; he has no one to turn to and nowhere to
hide)

Old at heart but I musn't hesitate
If I'm to find my own way out

(Storm stares sightlessly at the wall, and in spite of his emotional
exhaustion, draws upon some hidden inner strength to face the confrontation
that lies ahead)

Still talkin' to myself
and nobody's home

(He throws his head back, telling himself that he’s the worst kind of fool for
letting Siva sink this far down into the darkness.  He receives no answer but
the silence of the nighttime hospital ward and the quiet sounds of Siva’s
shallow breathing.)

(Alone)

(the word ‘Alone’ whispers and echoes through Storm’s tormented soul.  He
remembers the hotel lobby in England, and how they nearly caused a scandal of
epic proportions.  He curses again, Fate this time, for bringing them here to
this hospital room and this estrangement from each other.)

So nobody ever told us baby
How it was gonna be

(Storm wishes vainly that he could have foreseen the futility of his falling
in love with a man he can never claim as his own.  He rages inwardly at the
intensity of their past encounters and wonders when it was that he knew it
would never be the same between them again.)

So what'll happen to us baby
Guess we'll have to wait and see

(He feels the uncertainty of what lies ahead as deeply as he does the recent
past; even though he doesn’t want to let his mind grasp all the possibilities,
he’s incapable of stopping the barrage of waking nightmares where Siva scorns
him again and again.)

(~~instrumental~~)
(-tempo change-)

(Storm slides down in his chair, sick of trying to prevent the thoughts and
feelings that are flowing through his mind like a virulent river.  His entire
time with Siva begins to rush over him, bringing with it a thousand different
memories and realizations.)

When I find out all the reasons

(feeling the sudden impulse to call those who have known Siva for a long time,
and beg them  - or blackmail them - to tell him everything they know about
Siva’s past.  He needs to know if Siva had ever told anyone about him, and
what they were to each other, if only so he can find out if he is somehow to
blame for Siva’s present condition.)

Maybe I'll find another way

(wildly contemplating for a moment shaking Siva awake and demanding that he
tell how he came to be the way he is, and why he no longer wants Storm)

Find another day

(wishing that he could turn the clock ahead to where the pain has faded and
where the past quits haunting him.  Another poignant flashback – this one is
of the time in the recording studio, where the act of swallowing Siva’s orgasm
soothed his sore throat and brought back his voice.  The memory of the other
musicians’ jealousy as Siva held him close as the snow fell in a cold white
blanket outside, listening intently to the playback of his vocal tracks - how
would he ever be able to go on without having Den in his life? The tears start
to roll once more, and they soak the sheet that covers Siva’s prone form.)

With all the changing seasons of my life

(sees himself in the past, with different lovers – none of whom he ever wanted
to stay with forever.  Remembering the climates in all the places he met Siva
– the snow in Switzerland, the heat of the islands, the rain in London – why
didn’t he fall in love with Siva then?  Maybe they could have had a chance at
making it work!  He shakes his head sadly as he realizes that they were
probably never meant to be together.)

Maybe I'll get it right next time

(smiles derisively, wondering who’ll be the next person he gets himself
tangled up inside over, or if he’ll feel as deeply for someone ever again)

And now that you've been broken down

(seeing again the normally confident Siva’s face fall with worry at what he
could have done)

Got your head out of the clouds
You're back down on the ground
And you don't talk so loud
An you don't walk so proud
Any more,

(looking at Siva, lying on the hospital bed, nearly as pale as the sheets;
wondering how long Siva has been trying to destroy himself)

 And what for

(racking his brain, trying to determine how much of Siva’s suicide attempt was
brought on by his own coldness)

(~~2nd instrumental~~)

Well I jumped into the river

(seeing an image of himself in bed with yet another faceless bimbo)

Too many times to make it home

(uneasily recalling the drunken parties, the strung-out performances, the
nights where he slept with anybody who cared to say hello to him)

I'm out here on my own, an drifting all alone

(vowing to himself never to care or to reach out to someone again)

If it doesn't show give it time
To read between the lines

(his face turning into a mask as instinct takes over, and arranges his
features in such a way as to hide the turmoil inside)

'Cause I see the storm is getting closer

(feeling his heartbeat race out of control as the sensation of drowning
overtakes him)

And the waves, they get so high

(inwardly struggling to reach the surface, and save what’s left of himself
while he still can)

Seems everything we've ever known's here

(Storm’s head turns back to Siva, and he rests his head on the sleeping
ex-commander’s shoulder as he silently begs for another chance)

Why must it drift away and die

(sighing as he feels the horrible distance between himself and the only person
in the world he’s ever truly loved)

(~instrumental solo~)

I'll never find anyone to replace you

(looking at Siva lovingly, and whispering to him that he was never responsible
for his [Storm’s] feelings.  Storm strokes Siva’s soft black hair as he
apologizes for anything he may have done to add to the pain.)

Guess I'll have to make it thru, this time
- Oh this time
Without you

(standing up and walking back to the chair, feeling as if by no longer
touching him, he’s leaving Siva to die)

I knew the storm was getting closer

(reflecting back on Siva’s actions, and damning himself to the depths of hell
for not hearing his lover’s unspoken cry for help.  *[The room fades into the
past, and out of the mists of time comes the face of a younger Den Siva – he
is on he phone with Storm, asking him to come.  Storm was in a relationship,
and didn’t want to leave his young lover,  so he gave Siva a lame excuse.  All
of the anguish that Siva has learned to hide so well is engraved on his face
as he hangs up the phone, yanks it out of the wall, and heaves it across the
room.]* )

And all my friends said I was high

(realizing he can’t even remember who was so important to him at the time; in
those days, he spent most of his time either drunk or stoned out of his mind)

But everything we've ever known's here

(hoping against all hope that there’s still time to repair some of the damage,
and it dawns on Storm that he has no desire to live in this world if Siva
doesn’t pull through.  He is shocked to discover that even if he can’t have
Siva, a part of him needs to know that the heartbreakingly beautiful musician
is still out there somewhere, experiencing the ups & downs of life as only Den
Siva can.  If Siva’s life ends, he will take it upon himself to make certain
that his does, too.)

I never wanted it to die

(dropping to his knees and praying to whatever God watches over ex-rock stars
that Siva will survive, and go on to find some sort of happiness with whoever
he may find to love.)
***
(As the last notes of the song fade away, Storm rises from his knees and
shakes his head as if to clear his vision.  The haziness remains in front of
his bloodshot eyes; he finally gives in to his weariness – after stopping by
the bed to kiss Siva tenderly on the lips, he sits again, and leans back into
the uncomfortable plastic chair.  He folds his long frame as best he can into
the small seat, lays his head on his arm, and drifts off to sleep, completely
oblivious that the tears continue to roll down his cheeks and fall silently
into his hair.)