...I break into
the main mail server at **** and start coating it with Pepto-Bismol.
The
night security guard comes up and says,
"What do you think you're doing in there?"
To which I reply, "The mail server
seems to have indigestion; I was just trying to help it
along a little." The guard sneers,
"Good story, lady. Why don't you try to explain that to
the cops?" Ol' Smartass here
replies, "Fine, I will. The stupid thing has been eating my
mail! It's a good thing I decided
it had indigestion and not constipation. Got any
Ex-Lax?" "That's it, you're
coming with me!" He goes to grab my arm. I shake him off
angrily. All of a sudden, from
NOWHERE, appears Lestat...
"I suggest that you take your dirty hands off of
her RIGHT NOW, you swine," Lestat
stated quietly. "Don't make me hurt you... if you don't let go
of her, they'll find your sorry carcass lying here to rot in the morning
snow."
The guard stared in shock at the deadly white being
standing in front of him. He did not believe in the supernatural,
but he would have sworn to anyone that asked him that the woman's 'savior'
was not human. Confused and angry at being caught off guard, the
man made a grab for his two-way radio. He didn't even have time to
grasp it before he was hit with the hardest blow he had ever felt in his
entire life. Knowing he should get up and call for help, the guard
could only lay there, desperately hoping to get his wind back.
Lestat looked at the older man sprawled in front
of him with some contempt. =How weak these humans are,= he
thought once again. =Century after century, I hold on to the foolish
notion that humans will one day be able to stand up to me. Hell,
maybe even overpower me; the one who can accomplish such a feat will be
worthy of avenging all my victims. But time and time again, I've
been disappointed.=
"On your feet, you worthless old man," Lestat sneered.
"And wipe that idiotic look off your
face. You can be as angry as you want - I've taken down men MUCH
stronger than you, you
miserable excuse for a human!" (In case you're wondering what
I was doing, the answer is
nothing. All I could do was stand there with my mouth hanging
open. Great way to impress
someone, huh?) The guard's eyes kept darting back and forth to
the building. Lestat started to
laugh. "Do you actually think I'm going to let you live?
Although it MIGHT be worth it just to see
the look on the next shift's faces when you tell them what happened
here tonight." The immortal
paused, as if considering whether or not to let the poor guard go free.
"Nah!" And with one fell
swoop, he had drained the unfortunate night watchman of his life's
blood. The body crumpled
to the ground as the vampire took my hand.
"Don't worry, you can thank me later." I wondered
how many other people had been treated
to that devastating smile. "And if you would be so kind as to help
me in return, I would like to be
taken to the Fantasyland Hotel, please." His request made me
angry enough to finally snap out of my stupor.
"HELPED me?!? Oh, is THAT what you call it?
I never asked you to kill him! I'll take you
wherever you want to go, but don't think i APPRECIATE it for one second!!!"
"But what would you have done if I hadn't come along
to defend you?" Lestat looked
genuinely perplexed. "You can't tell me you wanted to go to prison.
I'm afraid it isn't a very
pleasant place, my dear."
"That's NOT the point," I retorted. "First of all,
he was just a security guard. He could hardly
have arrested me. Besides, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO KILL HIM!!!
And if you REALLY exist, and
I'm not dreaming this, then what the HELL are you doing here?"
"I just happened to be overhead, and I saw your
predicament," he replied. "Why do you
doubt my existence? You've read my novels, haven't you?
You mortals never fail to surprise
me. I've written FIVE separate books to tell you of my 'life',
as it is, and still you can't believe
that we are real." Shaking his head, he turned towards the location
of my car.
"Fine. I'm sorry," I said quietly. "It's
just so WEIRD to see someone that you've dreamed of for so long actually
standing in front of you. Come on, I'll take you to the hotel now."
He smiled at me, as if I was forgiven for doubting him. He took my
hand again, and we walked to my car.
After I had brushed the snow off the windows (I wouldn't let him help
me), we started on our way.