Our Town Is So Small...
=--=
our city limits signs are both on the same post!

the City jail is called amoeba, because it only has one cell

the McDonalds only has one Golden Arch

the 7-11 is a 3 1/2 - 5 1/2

the one-block-long Main Street dead ends in both directions

the phone book has only one page

there's nothing doing every minute

the ZIP code was a fraction

Second Street is in the next town over

there's no place to go that you shouldn't

a "Night on the Town" takes only 11 minutes

the mayor had to annex property to eat a foot-long hot dog

the New Year's baby was born in October

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Comebacks For Cheesy Pickup Lines


Attention female readers! Are you sick and tired of those stupid old
pick-up
lines that men continue to use? Here are some great comebacks!

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit
down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a
rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A fond farewell to 1998...
=--=
The people who started college this year were born in 1980. 

They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era and 
did not know he had ever been shot. 

They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged. 

Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great 
Depression. 

There has only been one Pope. 

They can only really remember one president. 

They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not 
remember the Cold War. 

They have never feared a nuclear war. 

"The Day After" is a pill to them, not a movie. 

CCCP is just a bunch of letters. 

They have only known one Germany. 

They are too young to remember the Space shuttle blowing up. 

Tienamin Square means nothing to them. 

They do not know who Momar Qadafi is.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS. 

They never had a Polio shot and likely do not know what it is. 

Bottle caps have not only always been screw off, but have 
always been plastic. 

They have no idea what a pull top can looks like. 

Atari pre-dates them, as do vinyl albums.

The expression "you sound like a broken record" means 
nothing to them.

They have never owned a record Player. 

They have likely never played Pac Man and have never 
heard of Pong. 

Star Wars looks very fake, and the special effects are pathetic. 

There have always been red M&M's, and blue ones are 
not new. 

What do you mean there used to be beige ones?

They may have heard of an 8-track, but chances are they 
probably have never actually seen or heard one. 

The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old. 

As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.

Zip codes have always had a dash in them. 

They have always had an answering machine. 

Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have 
they seen a black and white TV. 

They have always had cable. 

There have always been VCR's, but they have no idea what 
Beta is.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control. 

They were born the year that Walkman were introduced by Sony. 

Roller-skating has always meant inline for them. 

They have never heard of King Cola, Burger Chef, Jack-in-the-Box, 
The Globe Democrat, Pan AM or Ozark Airlines. 

The Tonight Show has always been hosted by Jay Leno. 

They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.

Popcorn has always been cooked in a microwave. 

They have never seen and remember a game that included the St. 
Louis Football Cardinals, Baltimore Colts, Minnesota North Stars,
Kansas City Kings, New Orleans Jazz, Minneapolis Lakers, Atlanta 
Flames, Kansas City Scouts, Cleveland Barons, California Golden 
Seals, or Colorado Rockies (NHL hockey, that is).

They do not consider the Seattle Mariners, Toronto Blue Jays, 
Colorado Rockies (MLB baseball), Florida Marlins, Orlando 
Magic, Miami Heat, Minnesota Timberwolves, Toronto Raptors, 
Florida Panthers, Ottawa Senators, San Jose Sharks, or Tampa 
Bay Lightning "expansion teams." 

They don't know that Wayne Gretzky started in the WHA. 
WHA? ABA?

They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem 
Abdul-Jabbar is a football player. 

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI, WWII 
or even the Civil War.

They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are. 

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. 

They never heard the terms "Where's the beef?", "I'd Walk a 
mile for Camel", or "de plane, de plane!". 

They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is. 
The Cosby Show, The Facts of Life, Silver Spoons, The Love 
Boat, Miami Vice, WKRP in Cincinnati, Soap, and Taxi are
shows they have likely never seen.

The Titanic was found? I didn't know it was lost. 

Michael Jackson has always been white. 

They cannot remember the St. Louis Cardinals or Detroit Tigers 
ever winning a World Series, or even being in one.

Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, 
not groups.

McDonalds never came in Styrofoam containers. 

Do you feel old now? Remember, the people who don't know 
these things are in college this year, and get to vote knowledgeably 
about your future.