3-26-08 - Mama didn't do well today at all. Difficulty swallowing food and water, difficulty with breathing, seemed like she was in some pain and her body temperature was very low.

 4-2-08 - Called EMS to take Mama to the ER. She was making distress sounds as if she were in pain and couldn't breathe.

 4-3-08 - As I write this entry in the journal, it's like I'm writing an entry about her coming to the end of her journey on earth. Mama is dying and I am ready to accept it. As much as I love her, I'm not going to be selfish. I don't want her to keep living to be in pain and discomfort. If she is ready and God is ready for her, that is all I want for her.

 4-4-08 - The doctor called around 9:30 p.m. from the hospital and said Mama had taken a turn for the worse and that she could "expire" during the night or she could possibly pull out of it. My sister and I rushed to the hospital. (Mama did pull through the night, but the next day the doctor told us that there was nothing more they could do and that he felt it was best to take Mama home and to keep her as comfortable as possible. He said she could live 2 days or two weeks or two months and that it was hard to tell, but that her body was shutting down and he felt it would not be long).

 4-5-08 - The doctor told us that Mama's lungs had been damaged from her aspirating and he wanted to keep her awhile longer and see how she was doing Monday. That night while sitting by her hospital bed, I felt in my heart we would lose Mama very soon.

 4-12-08 - As I write this entry in the journal, it is my last entry. Mama passed away Sunday, April 6, 2008. (She was 89 years old and had suffered from Alzheimer's disease since 1992. Out of those 16 devastating years, she was completely bedridden and could not recognize anyone by 1997). My heart cries in pain but so happy for her. She stayed as long as she could with us, but is now with God and loved ones who have been awaiting her arrival. What a reunion that must have been!

 That Sunday morning when I went to see Mama at the hospital, my sister was there sitting by her bedside. Although Mama opened her eyes a lot while we were there, I felt the end was closer than ever. As my sister and I were leaving around noon, we stopped by the hospital chapel and went in and prayed. We did not pray for God to let Mama live, but for Him to take her home with Him to end her suffering.

 I had planned on going back to see Mama at 6:00 that night, but around 4:30 the nurse called and said Mama had taken a turn for the worse again. I rushed to my sister's house, which is two doors up, and told her and then I wasted no time rushing to the hospital. I knew this was it. I felt it so strongly. I kept saying over and over, "Mama, wait for me, I'm on my way". When we got to Mama's room, I saw the nurse coming out and asked her, "How is she?" The nurse looked at me strangely and said, "She was doing like she was this afternoon when you left and all of a sudden she got worse and she was gone". My heart stood still and I said, "What do you mean gone? She was supposed to wait for me. No, No. I've got to go to my Mama".

 As I went in to Mama's room, I went over to her bedside. She was still warm as I kissed her. The tiredness had left her face. The suffering is over now. There will always be emptiness in our hearts, but she'll always be with us. It's not good-bye Mama, we'll see you later. We love you.