F.A.C.T. #5
Recently, the existence of a new organization, P.A.R.C., was brought to our, the official board of F.A.C.T., attention, and this news greatly disturbs us, for it interrupts our uneventful and therefor pleasant original course of action. Apparently, this organization is attesting to be a brother "Anti-C.R.A.P.", autonomous group, but our highly trained, highly paid, albeit ineffectual spy network believes the organization to have C.R.A.P. runners at its very core, one by the name, nay, alias, only of "Houch". This "Houch" character appears to be trying to goad our poor, vulnerable youth into believing that his organization is the "Politicians Advocating the Removal of Crap", is trying to goad all into believing that they would join us in our plot of Fighting Until C.R.A.P.'s Killed Instead of Normal Germaneness, but we, the highly intelligent, or at least confusing*, board of F.A.C.T. realize that any organization like this "P.A.R.C.", or "C.R.A.P.", organizations with "runners" as the founding fathers, should not be trusted under any circumstances, are almost, nay, positively lying and conniving scum who are acting under ulterior motives, and not as they originally professed to those around them. We do have an adaptation to our original plan, however, which will allow us to combat this new presence of P.A.R.C., as well as the original threat of C.R.A.P., rather effectively and at the exact same time, implementing our desires much more quickly even if not as successfully. Our new plan is for all of you, the common folk reading this newsletter, to go out and start yelling at the top of your lungs at the very next person whom you come across. The use of vulgarities, obscenities, and all other types of derogatory jargon is highly recommended, if not mandatory. This in turn should set off a sort of domino effect, a "chain saw effect" if you will, as they will also become highly irate and in all likely hood commence shouting at the next person whom they encounter, until eventually, someone whips out a gun** and starts killing everyone in sight. This will be beneficial because, with the incredibly high number that will in all likely hood be shot in these wild and unmerciful sprees of violence, we figure at least a couple will be runners, possibly even members of either "C.R.A.P." or "P.A.R.C." Heck, they might even kill a bunch of democrats. So it is quite clearly seen that this new course of action has no real negative side effects, beside the deaths of several thousand innocent civilians, but, I mean, honestly, they were all going to die eventually anyway, so what does it matter if we just, say, speed up the process a teensy little bit. Besides, I'm not going to get shot, and that's the real important thing, right? Anyway, we just wanted to stress that "P.A.R.C." has absolutely nothing at all to do with F.A.C.T., and that it is of great importance to us and all this nations citizens that you go out and start yelling at people. Our success is in your hands. Other than that, please continue to have a pleasant and uneventful day.
* And honestly, what is the difference between confusing and intelligent? You don't see one, do you? Good. We didn't think you would.
** Guns should have been whipped out long before this, except that the stupid "Brady Bill" keeps screwing everything up. When, I want a gun, I want it now, because if you have to wait, you're not going to be angry anymore by the time you get it. Those stupid democrats.