Innocuous Perception 2

~ Note: Lyric was taken from BSB ~

by Jaja & Luv Angel

Maki sighed. He couldn't bring himself to look at Hanamichi's face, for he is afraid of his own trepidation. "I don't want to talk about it, there's nothing to be discussed.".

"BUT YOU PROMISED!!" Hana's anger suddenly got the best of him and he confronted Maki, eyes ablaze with anger.

"True, I did promise but..."

"BUT WHAT? Do you take promises so lightly that..."

… One beautiful morning in spring, I held you close to my chest in the open glade. Resting so peacefully in each other’s arms. I felt your heart beat thumping against mine, knocking against my unornamented core. Even if an airplane were to drop a bomb I wouldn’t care less. Having you within my embrace in all the shield I need…

Just close your eyes,

Each loving day,

I know this feeling won't go away…

Maki pulled at Hanamichi's arms softly, inducing him to take a seat in front of him. "Hush! I knew it from the start that you'll bring this up sooner or later but now is far too soon. I'm not sure I'm ready yet...and I'm not sure I'll ever be. I'm sorry." The mode was shattered, Maki wound his arms around Hanamichi, and feeling rather depressed himself. A glint of sadness touched his fine visage.

Regrets filled Hanamichi's heart. "Demo Shinichi, I just want you to be happy, that's all." Hana uttered softly, ashamed of his mindless tantrum. Hanamichi cradled his head at the crook of Maki's neck, unable to meet his lover's eyes. He decided that the word 'sorrow' doesn't suits Maki. 'It's all my fault' Hana mentally berated himself.

…You love teasing me with your playful mind. Sometimes you would tickle my ribs when you see I wasn’t paying attention. You urged me to do things I shouldn’t have. Embarrassing it might be but I’d say they were the most remarkable memories I possessed. Now that I think of it, funny to recall how your silent little act overwhelmed me so deeply. How you did it was a mystery to me. Somehow I couldn’t stop wondering what were to happen to me if the other person in my life was someone else other than you…

Till the day my life is through,

This I promise you,

Suddenly, Hanamichi felt his head was being tilted to meet the depression in Maki's eyes. "Don't lie to me."

"Nanda yo?! Why would I...Lie?"

"You know how much I love you and..." Seeing the look of confusion on the younger player's handsome face, he continued in an inquiring tone. "You do love me don't you Hana-kun?" Maki flashed Hana a teasing grin.

"Huh?" Hanamichi was taken off guard by the question, he didn't expect it in the first place. "S..Sure I DO! Stupid question!" Hana chided. "Of course I love you! What's your point Shinichi?"

"My...aren't we a bit jumpy today?" Maki chuckled whilst Hana pulled a long face. Both of them exchange laughs and teased each other, and soon, all previous matters were long forgotten.

… The day finally ended and Mr. Sun harbored itself behind the stout mountains, peeking from in between the two summits. I have the kinkiest idea that if the sun somehow has a pair of eyes; it would wink at us from above the evening sky and faintly whispered its good-bye. You just laughed at my weird notion and said I’m insane for having such thoughts and then cuddled closer to me for warmth. All sayings forgotten and what left were only 'you & I', trapped in a huge bubble, transported to the land of fable…

Ooh.. I promise you,

Over and over I fall…

.........................................

Maki stirred and the bed creaked under his weight subsequently. He tossed around, trying to find the most favourable position for him to continue slumber. But his sensitive ears caught a sound, at first, it seems like a distance. He couldn't make out what it was. After a moment of adaptation, he began to hear clearly, and instantly, he opened his eyes, frowning.

'Hanamichi?'

Hana was wide-awake, and he had his hands wrapped tightly around his knees. Under the soft illumination, Maki can clearly see tear strains marked his long, masculine face. Still groggy from sleep, Maki propped himself up on one elbow, facing Hanamichi.

He reached up and brushed his fingers along Hana's cheek, silently dabbing the falling tears. "Why are you crying?" Maki brushed back his lover's bang, combing Hana's messy hair when he reached the top. "Doesn't suits you." Maki smiled though deep down it was just plain deceit.

… You let out a soft snore, breathed innately in your sweet slumber. I liked this part. I would perch down beside your bed on the cold, tiled floor and watched you sleep. Uncomfortable it may be but I’d do anything for love. If there was such thing as the ‘sea of fire’, I’ll wade it for sure and no one can stop me from getting to you. Not even a fire-breathing dragon in the ancient days. I would rather be eaten by tiger than part with you. That’s how deep my feelings run and as if on queue, you faintly said  ‘Suki da…’

When I hear you call,

Without you in my life baby,

I just wouldn't be living at all...

Hanamichi managed to return his smile, albeit similar pretension. In his heart, only God knows how hard it was for him to shield his real feelings.

"ha ha Sorrow doesn't suits..." Hana pinched Maki's nose. "You!"

Maki chuckled. "Yeah, right. Sorrow doesn't suit us both, that's why we are meant to be together..." he said with a finality, all the while his dark, brooding eyes stared at him, anticipating his reaction.

Hanamichi looked away, and wiped the tear strains off his face. He stared out of the window, his vision, as Maki presumed, rested on the bright moon that made it presence felt that night. Finally, he uttered in a low tone.

"I want to go somewhere..."

All the while propped on his elbows, Maki slowly jerked upright, and his face wore the expression of utmost astonishment. He questioned the forlorn looking Hanamichi.

"Where to? Just tell me when, and I'll be ready to...."

… I walked towards you with surprisingly light steps. Like I was flouting in the air and I kind of felt like Superman reaching for Louis. Never looked where I was stepping, only where I was heading. My destination, my purpose and most of all my life. Seeing your face made me weak all over, seeing you cry made my heart throb louder. I hope in times to come, I would never see this thing called tears, this translucent, salty liquid defile your face, ever! But…

And I will take you in my arms …

And hold you right where you belong,

Hanamichi plastered his fingers on Maki's lips, shook his head and smiled. "For once, I forbade you to accompany me, itoshii. I have to go alone, I want to go alone..."

Maki was baffled, but it was not long after that Hanamichi continued. "I want to go to some place remote I guess, some place like …" Hanamichi smiled prettily. "Heaven?" He was delirious. "I can see a bright light Sinichi!" Hana laugh pleasantly, reaching his right hand for something impalpable.

"Hana!! By Gods, stop saying such foolish!" said Maki after he broke free from Hana's grip.  

He was startled from sleep upon detecting Hana's slight movement. Quickly, he grasped Hana's frail hand. The younger person on the bed just writhe in pain and this panicked Maki.

"What is it, Hana? Whisper to me...." Maki panicked "I'll call the doctor!" But as he was letting go of Hana's hand, he felt Hana's grasp his hand, never wanting to let go. Baffled and confused, Maki stayed at the bedside. "You want me to stay?"

…Fulfilling this final verse is somewhat unreachable. I was hoping for an “ever after” but destiny altered. Something like this is too good to be true furthermore last eternally. When you talked about the after life, those unbidden tears were sure to linger on your.....oh, so flawless countenance , the one which I can neither touch nor feel again. Why do you have to leave me alone in this heartless world? Don't you have pity on my soul? My unguarded soul? A roman fighter wouldn't survive without his shield and I couldn't survive without 'You', MY shield.  I longed for you every night, wishing constantly for God to stop this outlandish nightmare, which haunted me endless...

Till the day my life is through…

This I promise you baby…  

Slowly, Hana opened his eyes, just a mere slit on his face. He tried to utter something, but pain kept him at bay. Instead, he just nodded slowly, indicating his affirmation.

"Alright then, I'll stay." But his mind is filled with greatest fear never made known before.

Hana had been in this state for nearly 3 weeks now, and seeing him like this breaks Maki's heart. Kneeling beside the bed, Maki felt a sense of utter sadness on seeing his once strong and energetic lover reduced to such a forlorn state. He can neither walk nor talk much. Maki caressed Hana's hand softly, hoping that the former would understand what he's trying to express. Maki couldn't trust himself to speak, afraid that his voice would crack.

With all his remaining strength , Hana managed to open his mouth, whispering "Maki..... be brave....promise me....you'll take...go....good care.....of...." He swallowed hard, and stopped short.

For Maki, all words were lost, replaced by unwelcome tears. He only nodded for Hana to continue.

...My life without you is like a puppet without strings attached to it (hey, sounds so familiar, huh? baby bye bye bye!!!), lifeless and useless. Those times in the hospital, in which I've spent keeping vigil by your side, watching you struggled for peace was somewhat unbearable. This is my penance....

Just close your eyes,

Each loving day,

I know this feeling won't go away…  

A little smile played on Hana's once blood red lips, and he continued albeit a strained look on his face "....you...ta....take care,....Maki...good...bye, lo....ve..."

Maki was alarmed on hearing Hana's speech. "Hana-kun? Kami sama don't take him...*sob*...not now! I don't want him to go! Hana-kun!! Nooooo!!" 

Suddenly, Hana gasped what seems to be his last breath, and his eyes closed ever so slowly. His hand in limping and subsequently slipped from Maki's trembling hands which he quickly grab hold of it again. For Hana, the screen before him showed a straight horizon, and the dim light slowly ceased, and in time, his vision was covered with infinite darkness......  

'I'm going ... Itoshii...'

Muted and shaken, Maki can only witness the ordeal with disbelieve. Hana...... Hana is gone forever... from my life...... he was overcome with emotions and tears fell from his eyes rapidly, one drop after another.

"No!!!!!!!!!! Wake up Hanamichi! This is not funny! Hana-kun?" He choked.

He wanted to shook Hana's body so badly, wanting him to open his eyes, and tell him that he had set the worst joke ever on him, but his hands were motionless. He has Hana's hand in his, and he had promised a while ago never to let it go. 

 "Hanamichi... don't leave me." He whispered. His voice was coarse, biting back his misery and uncontrollable shiver. "Don't... please..." Somehow he couldn't bring himself to believe. "Please..." and receiving no further action from Hanamichi, he dropped onto his knees on the cold, heartless ground and wept at his lover's side until the doctor eventually arrive and practically dragged him away from Hanamichi's dead form.

...May you rest in peace… My Hana-kun. Death is a must for mortal men. I comply to that but doesn't mean I have to like it. We’ll see each other again soon…very soon...

Every word I say is true,

This I promise you…

Maki fumbled to open the drawer, accidentally dropped some of the items on the table. He stared inside the drawer long enough before eventually took out a small, white vessel. He threw away the cover and swallowed it whole.

'I'm coming... Hana-kun...'

Luv Always,

Sinichi Maki

Ooh, I promise you...

chapter 1 | chapter 3

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