Overview Of Filipina Pen Pals

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This page about Filipina and Asian pen pals and is intented to evoke thought and improve cultural understanding so couples can better find true lasting love. This page is provided as-is and is not guaranteed as to accuracy or fitness for any purpose. Sadly, the internet may have increased the rate of scams more than the speed of communication. Small one-to-one ratio pen pal lists, often produced by sincere Filipinas trying to help other ladies from her community, have been replaced by on-line web sites full of scammers and lady-boys. For more on pen pal scams please visit Philippine Introductions Article or visit CBI Filipina Internet Scams or see the movie Closer To Home.

What Is True Romantic Love? Many Never Know!

"Romantic Love" is an "amalgamation" of two persons into a "one". It requires the couple know, trust, rely and sexually bond with each other and cherish the passion based in sexual bonding. In true love, the couple empower each other and avoid using "power" against their lover. As such, they foresake all others and put their love first.

Sadly, many Filipinas and Asian women can NOT honestly say they foresake all other during their wedding vows. Wedding ceremonies do not create passion and intimacy (romantic love). Some don't even consider passion and intimacy (romantic love) as being important. In much of Asia, marriage is still viewed as a functional role to have children, which become their retirement plan. Family ties and duties are foremost. Dowery, direct or indirect, is still expected. Thus, a man must be financially suitable for marriage.

Although divorce is not legal in the Philippines, constructively, marital failure is very common. Sex workers are also common and a cursory look at the "red light" districts of major cities in the Philippines shows a favoritism towards sex tourists from other Asian countries.

Those who will not reason, are bigots; those who cannot, are fools; and those who dare not, are slaves." - Lord George Byron

Background On Women who Publish as Pen Pals.

All penpals, male and female, publish because they are having some problem finding what they are looking for.

IN MUCH OF ASIA, A DOWERY IS EXPECTED. This may be upfront money or as ongoing remuneration to the family. It is MOSTLY for this reason Filipinas and other Asian women seek foreign gentlemen. An attractive younger woman can command a high dower price, whereas an older woman or bar-girl can expect none. Visas and a lifestyle overseas are seen as qualifying for the dowery.

BEWARE OF SCAMS, WHICH CAN BE ESPECIALLY DANGEROUS AFTER YOU HIT THE TARMAC (arrive).

Click Here For Our Frequently Asked Questions Page about Filipina Women and Dating.

"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." -- Albert Einstein

Asian & Filipina Pen Pal Connections

In the recent past, penpal companies produced catalogs of mostly Philippine and some other Asian ladies to American men as "traditional" housewives. Economic hardship, visas or a from of dowery was an unspoken motivation. Pretty photos sold the publications to hundreds of men which gave scam artists hundreds of male "customers". Honest ladies who submitted "plain" photos were typically only published in small lists often created by a Pinay helping ladies in her home town find a way out of poverty. However, these small "companies" would go out of business due to lack of male customers because the photos were not so appealing. What men rarely understood is that ladies with the sexiest photos often were just scammers, the lady in the photo may not even be the person who got the letters.
Today, the ratio of men to women may be about 70% men to 30% women, with the men expected pay for the service to exist. Of the 30% that are women, less than half are sincere from a Western prespective. Also, a significant percentage are scammers and lady-boys. Of those that are "sincere", the motivation is usually an improvement is standard of living or support of their family which may involve sending balikbayan moneys back home or getting a divorce and alimony and child support payments.

Our FAQ Page about Filipina Women and Dating.
See the English & Tagalog movie Closer To Home.
Closer To Home Plot Summary. A Fil-Am relationship story based on so many subtle truths.
A must see film in Tagalog & English.

Why Do Oriental Women Seek Foreign Husbands?

True romantic love should be the only reason! For many ladies everywhere these days, a spouse is often seen more as a provider and enabler than a lover. Virginity is very important in Philippine culture and expected by Pinoy men. Since many young ladies who publish are un-wed mothers or have other problems that Pinoy men find "unacceptable", this can be a reason for Pinay publishing. There are some sweet Filipinas too. The problem is finding one. There are many men looking for sincere ladies. And there are so many scammers and lady-boys publishing themselves the men can quickly become discouraged.

"Bad" Filipino men are often given as a reason why a Pinay wants a foreign husband. But on close examination most of these Filipino men are attracted to women with the attributes foreign men are looking for too.

BOTTOM LINE: A nice young lady has many men interested in her where she lives. And the men in her town know her better than any foreigner can in a few weeks time. Men all over the world are basically the same. So, what real reasons entice a young lady to want a man from overseas in a culture where sex and affectionate romance are rarely even discussed? Important to find out before you fly.

Pinay Ladies, Born Into Mission Impossible.

Young ladies in the Philippines have an almost impossible mission forced upon them. They are expected to suppport their families, usually with little means of doing so. A woman who says she is "simple" generally is saying she is poor and/or uneducated. Few penpals come from the upper or true middle-class. Therefore, most Pinay must decide to do one of the following:

Work in a sweat-shop on meager wages.
Work as a "bar girl" called a Guest Relations Officer (GRO).
Become a domestic helper "yaya" in her country.
Find work abroad, often as a GRO or servant.
Marry a man with money, but there are few in her country and they are very choosy.
Scam foreign men by asking for money while pretending to love them. They see this as ethical in view of their hardships.
Marry a foreigner so she can send money back home to her real family, which is the family she came from.

Of course, none of the reasons listed above has anything to do with "romantic love". However, mixing love with enabling seems to be all too common by women everywhere. So are relationship failures. HINT: See your attorney before saying any "I do's".

See the Tagalog movie (English sub-titles) Closer To Home.

Bottom line: Filipinas who look good, are virgins, sweet and loving, have a college education, or come from a the middle or upper economic castes will be in high demand and have many eligible suitors right at home capable of providing the expected dowery of support. They rarely publish as pen pals seeking foreigners.

Some Stats To Consider

Statistics suggest that less than 1% of Filipina ladies who publish as penpals will ever marry a foreigner. And many men end up divorced by these ladies after bringing them overseas. Men must avoid wasting all their time writing to ladies that will never work out or who will leave them after they get their visas and alimony. Although not scientific, the following is a rough break-down of the types of ladies who publish.

NOTE: Percentages do NOT add up to 100% due to overlapping criteria.

30% - Are Seeking Marriage and Family, with Children to Support Them. Marriage in the Philippines is to have children so that the children will support them in retirement. They seek a good family man to enable this to happen. What is causing a foreign lady to not find love at home is what you must find out before marriage. Also, is this YOUR reason for a relationship and marriage?
60% - Are scamming for money. This is a business there and rationalized as ethical because even a few dollars goes a long way to helping them and the family they came from. When economic conditions are very difficult one must think "survival". Many ladies actually see penpal dating sites as charity sites and if a man doesn't send money he is "bad" in her eyes. NOTE: Some scams can get very dangerous and involve a lot of detailed planning. Watch out for what can happen after you hit the tarmac!
30% - Are Lady-Boys. These men turned "lady" (TS = trans-sexuals) can look really hot, especially with their petite Asian features. They can easily fool Western men.
20% - Are what may sadly be called "damaged goods". These are the ladies the men in their own country don't want to date. They include: un-wed mothers, ex-prostitutes, troubled girls, religious fanatics, men haters, daddy's girls, sexually repressed girls, etc.
20% - Are Chit-Chatters - See Party Girls. Even the poorest girls seem to have joined the cell phone revolution started in Japan. These girls are flattered if you call or text them or you can IM them on the computer. But don't be surprised if you never seem to get "close". Many of these girls are simply there if you happen to show up with your private jet and want to take their friends (barkada) out to expensive places. It is superficial and leaves no paper-trail. Scammers love chit-chat for these very reasons too.
10% - Are party girls. These ladies want to go out on the town to expensive places they can't afford. Are you willing to take her girl friends (barkada) to expensive resorts and clubs with nothing but a "thank you" at best? Keep in mind most of these ladies will keep so distant from their penpal nobody can recognize which girl in her barkada found the "sucker" to pay the bills. Being seen with a foreigner can be a bigger social disgrace than being seen wearing a string bikini in a gentlemen's bar (and they don't even wear bikinis at the beach). Note: girls that are willing to be seen alone with a foreinger or in a bikini are often former GRO's, although this is slowly changing.
30% - Are Paranoid Of Foreigners. Some ladies believe wicked rumors of how Filipina ladies have been abused by their foreign husbands. Taking life insurance out on their wife (asawa) and killing her is the most common of these fears. While some crime occurs everywhere, it seems that such fears may arise more from the crime rates in her country than yours. But after hearing their fears, one must ask, why do they publish? Warning: The "I do", "I don't, I do" marriage visa and wealth scam is not that uncommon. In some instances the "I don't" part could be: "My foreign husband will be killed after the marriage so I get all his assets and permanent residency AND can more quickly sponsor my Filipino lover who is from a higher class family".
A person who trusts no one can't be trusted. - Jerome Blattner

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident." -- Arthur Schopenhauer

"Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority." - Thomas Huxley (1825-1895)

"It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong." - Voltaire

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Quick Tips On Spotting The Scam Artists & Time Wasters
If they have too many penpals, forget them!

Girls with these traits should be cause for concern or avoided.

Girls who only want to Chit-Chat or Instant Message.

Seems unresponsive or avoidant to your disclosures or questions.

Asks men to fly to see them before meaningful and romantic communication.

Has any economic hardship that prevents her writing more often and/or asks for money.

Mentions visas, immigration, money for family or holiday gifts, birthdays, etc.

Has no phone contact or web cam available at some point in your writing.

Photos that have a magazine look, small size, no friends in them, in uniform (not her).

Will freeze-up on discussing sexual issues after sufficient writing; NO Passion.

BOTTOM LINE: Why should a nice lady have to find a man half way around the world for true love? She doesn't!

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Resurrection From The "Dark Ages"

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - George Bernard Shaw

The Philippines is a primarily Catholic and theocratic country. Men volunteer to be crucified (usually not to their death) in almost every Philippine town during Easter. Water buffalo are made to kneal before the church. People often flog themselves bloody as an explicit appeal for reciprocity. The need for consolation and forgiveness of sins is extreme. Their "merciful" God, commands supplication!

Consequently, marriage and a wife are viewed as vessels of creation delivery and procreation, not for sexual recreation. A uniquely Asian from of the Madonna - Whore complex is endemic. The sex industry is rampant with men seeking satisfaction from women other than their wives. Contraception is essentially banned and viewed as perverse. Overpopulation is ignored with children perceived only to be here by the will of God (not sex). In that God is invented by man to perceive that (s)he is empowered to be immortal with a divine providence, the story of the Assention of the Virgin Mary is central to the subconscious of the Filipina. The fact that sex is a biological reward mechansim of the brain for natural selection (evolution) becomes incomprehensible.

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This page about Filipina and Asian penpals, dating, love, marriage and mail order picture bride introduction sites. Many Asian mail order brides come from the Philippines, China, Vietnam and other countries experiencing economic hardship and long waits for visa numbers. Many may only be interested in K-1 and I-130 visas so they can send money home and sponsor their "true" families.

This Filipina love and dating information site is 100% free and we don't get paid anything from anyone (Tripod places ads, not us). NOTICE: You use this site "AS-IS" and we make NO guarantee of accuracy or fitness for any purpose!!! We do NOT endorse any dating sites such as: Filipina Heart, Date In Asia, Melindas penpals, Pure Filipina, Find Love Asia, Filipina Eyes, Asia People Meet, Filipina Connection, e-Harmony, Foreign Ladies, Cebuanas, I Chat Filipina, Fildate, Meet Filipina Girls, Philippines Dating Women, Match.com, Cupid, Manila Darlings, Pacific Island Tours, Filipina Match, Christian Filipina or any others.