you yell to my back
fuck you you damn bitch
and kicked me to the ground
you seemed surprised
when i got up screaming

i wish
i wish someone
would understand me
just so maybe once
i could carry on a conversation
and not feel like my words
fell through the holes
with only sensations left behind
(like you)

im lonely
its a secret i never share
my mask has a permanent smile painted on it
i find it gets me through
less than desirable situations
im entertained
by your ignorance

and your belief
that every girl should spread
after you buy her dinner
(you seemed suprised
that i got up fighting)

im infested
with your thoughts
your being
you
your smell
baby
its never gonna work like that
youre never gonna make me happy
your touch makes my skin crawl
and im not the one for you

but you just didnt listen
did you?
spread hun
you said
ill teach you today
(you seemed surprised
when i started to resist)

you pinned me to the mattress
you
you fucking jock
what the hell was i sposed to do?
am i happy this way?
do i really want you on my back?
oh baby youre never gonna learn

and thats exactly how it happened
and thats exactly why hes gone
such a sorry state he left in
such a compromising position
he never learned
he never made me happy
but when i saw his grave
i smiled
seemed i wasnt the only one
(rapist
fucking
rapist)

***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~

girl

what do you think
when youre all alone
girl
do you think
damn i wish i was her
her with the pretty hair
and all the boys
(all over her)

yeah i bet they love her thoughts
and want to hear all about her dreams
gosh i wish i was her

what you dont know
cant hurt you
right?

what do you think
when she tells you shes pregnant
girl
what do you think
when she says
its her fathers baby
girl

you dont want to be her anymore i bet
she tells you
shes gonna get rid of it
girl
a coathanger and a kitchen table
thatll fix her up right smart
girl
when she says she needs a friend
are you there
girl
no of course not
nobody wants to be her friend
shes a whore
a pregnant whore
a rape victim
shes a girl
shes me

and my sins
theyre gonna eat me alive
girl
theyre gonna crucify me
and youre not gonna be there
to see me go down
dont you wish you were me baby

***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~

blood red baby

bloodredbaby
my little girlchild
who was going to wear yellow dresses
and sunnytype hair
i loved you

formerly
past tense speaking
holding
my stomache
its a battle wound baby
all in my head
on the battleground of life
she was just a fucking minefield

i crouch
fetally
in the porcelin
images of nooses
burning crosses
baby oh baby
ive fucked you over havent i
(a drop of blood swirls down the drain)
and i cry
for every child not born
that wanted to be
for every child born
that didnt have to be

its how it is
i wipe my grim face off
look in the mirror
wiser
yet stupider
and a whole fucking lot emptier

ill never forget
my bloodredbaby child
the beautiful white porceline
my stupid body
my stupid hands

its how it ended
it how it was sposed to be
my bloodredbaby child said

***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~

fake it baby

i guess youre cool now
you damn fool
mommys little rebel
with a pink dress in hand
and patent shoes
so shiny you can see your
ugly little face in them

dont forget that beer in your hand
the boys on your back
they’ll always be there right?
there to hold your hand
and pet your golden hair
they’ll always be there
mommys little rebel
you damn fool

hike up your skirt
cover the bruises on your thighs
hide your naiveté
sell your smile
cmon now you can do it
paint on your face
put on your mask
flash your pearly whites

then come home
to your barbies
your pink bedspread
your lies
your truths
your smeared make-up

i guess youre cool now
but only you know
mommys little rebel
with your bloody dress
and your chipped patent shoes
whered she go?
mommys little angel?
dont you wish you could be her again?
i sure do
the ice cream
and games of house
sunday tea parties

no, shes gone now
gone away with the first fuck
and the first cigarette
the first can of beer
its a shame
she sure was pretty……

i guess youre cooler now though
you damn fool
mommys little rebel
a cold gun pursed between your lips
and a little note in your porcelin hand
so bloody you can see your life in it