The feminine manner involves the movements of a woman’s body, the way she walks, talks, uses her hands, the sound of her voice, her facial expressions, and her laugh. The more distinct the difference between a woman’s mannerisms to a man’s, the more delightful it is to him. His mannerisms are strong, hard and firm, while a feminine woman’s are soft and delicate.
As important as the feminine appearance (last lesson - #18) is, the effect will be a disappointment and even funny if it is not coupled with the feminine manner. If you are dressed in ruffles and frills, with hair and make-up just right, but you move in a hard, stiff manner with a loud voice you will be seen as a walking contradiction. Your manner needs to harmonize with your clothes.
Acquiring a Feminine Manner
When considering the feminine manner pay attention to the differences between feminity and masculinity. Think of lightness, softness, delicateness and the associated actions that go with these terms. Apply these principles in the following ways.
Even if your hands are less than perfect they can be a tremendous asset to your femininity. Don’t wave your hands about in the air, use them firmly, or clench them in a masculine way. Don’t grab furniture with a firm grip or pound on it to make a point. Don’t slap people on the back the way men do or shake hands with a hard grip. Learn to draw attention to your hands with soft gently movements that draw attention to their lovely appearance.
Watch men to see how they walk. They usually have long strides, and a heavy step. Learn to move your body about in a graceful manner. Think light. It is best to walk with small steps and with legs somewhat straight. Some women walk with a definite flip to their hips - avoid this. It is jerky and severe looking. Don’t copy after fashion models. Their walk works for the runway and advertising, but it is not soft and feminine.
Your voice will tend to adjust itself to the changes you are making in your mannerisms and attitudes. If your voice is ruining the impression you are trying to make, you can do much to change it.
There are many masculine tendencies you can avoid to give yourself a more feminine sound. Men talk loudly and boldly. It is extremely unfeminine to talk coarsely, loudly or in a vulgar way. Equally offensive are the traits of mumbling, whining (except in childlike fun - to be discussed in a later lesson), talking in a lifeless monotone, or in a singsong type of voice. Remember: your voice gives many clues to the character inside.
The tone of your voice should be clear with variety in the tones. A dry voice can be caused by sleeping with your mouth open. This can be helped with moisture in the room at night. Of course, smoking ruins the voice and deepens it.
Some exercises to improve your speaking skills include speaking or reading aloud to yourself. If you have difficulty getting your mouth to move in a smooth, free-flowing manner, practice with marbles in your mouth. As you practice, use emotion in your voice. Express enthusiasm, wonder, delight, sadness, sympathy. love and a whole range of feelings. Read with laughter in your voice in funny parts, raise or lower the voice to put emphasis where needed.
Your laugh should be one of delightful charm. Avoid tossing your head back, loud guffaws, slapping your knees with your hands, roaring at jokes, cackling, snorting, etc.
This is a hard trait to incorporate for today’s woman, but it is a distinctly feminine trait. You can observe it best when you watch someone talking to a baby. You soften your voice, make nice faces and talk baby-talk and gibberish. You can use this same technique with a man. They find it fascinating even when used on a baby.
If you can picture a cat lounging before a fireplace, relaxing, then quietly stretching, you have a picture of languor. The opposite of languor is to be high-strung, nervous, irritated, fidgety, and hyperactive. This includes habits like biting the fingernails, twirling your hair, twisting a handkerchief, tapping the toes, or the fingers.
Every one of your facial features add to your feminine aura. Your eyes, lips, and expressions should be gentle, tender, sweet and soft. Don’t squint or have a hard look to your eyes. Don’t frown or let your mouth droop at the corners. Don’t clinch your teeth.
Your character shines through your facial features. If you have a soft, gentle character, your face will naturaly match. If you have a hard, critical, impatient character you will have a hard time hiding this from the rest of the world. It will show on your face. Spend time working on your character. While you are doing this, try to control and relax your facial features. Practice smiling and having tender attitudes toward people.
As most of us know, women tend to talk to much. Watch this habit. Also, when conversing don’t center your talk on yourself or your children, your husband, your problems, your life. Be interested in the lives of others. Don’t dominate conversations or interrupt. Try to broaden your scope to have interesting things to contribute to conversations.
Your conversation should reflect gentleness and kindness. You should show tenderness and sympathy when speaking of someone in unfortunate circumstances. If you think an unkind remark, keep it to yourself.
Avoid talking about people in a bad way. Think of something nice to say. Don’t get sucked into heated arguments.
Be quick to show tenderness and love, especially to children. Make kind remarks the rule rather than the exception.
A trait of the truly feminine woman is refinement which implies good social breeding. Traits of good breeding are tactfulness, courteousness, diplomacy, sensitivity, good taste and graciousness. Those lacking in refinement are rude, impolite, inconsiderate, crude, coarse, vulgar and unwholesome.
Learn these skills of refinement:
Is Beauty Necessary?
No! There are many beautiful women who fail miserably at femininity. They are arrogant, controling, stiff, and masculine. They don’t inspire a man with any feelings of wonder. You don’t need to be beautiful to be feminine and charming. Likewise, many women in the world are not exceptionally beautiful, but they can be successful at being fascinating women. They are soft, sweet, and make a man feel wonderful. Such a woman is beautiful to a man regardless of her physical shortcomings.
There are some women who are puzzling to those who are more beautiful. They are somewhat homely, but attract many men. Men find these feminine women perky, fun, cute, lovable, saucy, sassy, dainty, charming, and other highly fascinating traits. Such a highly feminine woman can cause those more beautiful to pale beside her.
You may feel that the absence of beauty is a stumbling block to your success as a fascinating woman. You must not let this deter you. However, if you are beautiful, don’t think this is all you need to succeed. Beauty really is only skin deep and of little consequence with the highly feminine woman.
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