Heres different things to do in a lift!
.
  •  Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

    •  

  • Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

    •  

  • Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!

    •  

  • Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.

    •  

  • Sell Girl Scout cookies.

    •  

  • On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

    •  

  • Shave.

    •  

  • Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?

    •  

  • Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

    •  

  • Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

    •  

  • When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

    •  

  • Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!

    •  

  • Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

    •  

  • Censored by your son.

    •  

  • On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.

    •  

  • Do Tai Chi exercises.

    •  

  • Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!

    •  

  • When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!

    •  

  • Give religious tracts to each passenger.

    •  

  • Meow occassionally.

    •  

  • Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

    •  

  • Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!

    •  

  • Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

    •  

  • Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.

    •  

  • Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.

    •  

  • Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.

    •  

  • Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.

    •  

  • Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty!

    •  

  • Leave a box between the doors.

    •  

  • Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

    •  

  • Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.

    •  

  • Start a sing-along.

    •  

  • When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?

    •  

  • Play the harmonica.

    •  

  • Shadow box.

    •  

  • Say Ding! at each floor.

    •  

  • Lean against the button panel.

    •  

  • Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.

    •  

  • Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

    •  

  • Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.

    •  

  • Bring a chair along.

    •  

  • Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?

    •  

  • Blow spit bubbles.

    •  

  • Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

    •  

  • Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.

    •  

  • Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

    •  

  • Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

    •  

  • Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.

    •  

  • Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.

    •  
    If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!
    .
    Have you eve what kind of poopie you've just had? well your sorted now!
    .
    GHOST POOPIE:  The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
    CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
    WET POOPIE:  The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.
    SECOND WAVE POOPIE:  This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.
    POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE:  The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
    LINCOLN LOG POOPIE:  The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
    GASSY POOPIE:  It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.
    DRINKER'S POOPIE:  The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
    CORN POOPIE:  Self explanatory.
    GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE:  The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
    SPINAL TAP POOPIE:  That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.
    WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump):  The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
    THE DANGLING POOPIE:  This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it.  You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.
    THE SURPRISE POOPIE:  You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!
    .
    And here are a few jokes 2 many 2 read so some may not be funny
    .

    Knots

    There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy. One day, she went to his parents' house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking they came upon 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she's never seen anything like this before, so she asks the boy, "What are they doing?" He says "They're making love.""Well, what's that long thing he's sticking in there?" She asked. "Oh, uh, that’s his rope" he answered. "Well, what are those two round things on the other end?" she asked. He says "Those are his knots".  She says, "Oh, Ok I got it." As they continue their stroll, they come to a barn and go in. She looks at him and says, "I want you to make love to me the way those animals were." Surprised and excited, the boy agrees. While they're getting all hot and heavy, she grabs his balls and squeezes. "Whoa, what are you doing?" he shouts. The girl innocently (??) replies, "I'm untying the knots so I'll get more rope."
     

    In the Middle

    A man was in his bed dying, slipping in and out of consciousness, and his wife came into the room with his doctor and the parish priest."Mrs. Kelleher, you realize that the bill for my services is $1000," the doctor said. "Fine, I'll see to it that it's paid from the insurance." "And, don't forget, Doreen, the funeral and casket will cost $1000," the priest said.  "Don't worry, Father, I'll see to it that you're paid as well."
    The three walked over to the bed and the doctor stood on one side of the man and the priest stood on the other. He opened his eyes and saw the two men there, and said, "Father, would you tell the people at my funeral that I died as Jesus died?"
    "Do you mean pure of heart and poor in spirit, Tom?"
    "No, I mean between two thieves."
     

    Still Hot

    Well there was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table that morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."  "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."   "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we?" Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.  "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago.  "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
     

    Tarzan

    Tarzan gets in a terrible fight with a ferocious lion, and loses an eye, an arm, and his nob. The animals of the jungle nurse Tarzan back to health. They give him the eye of a hawk, the arm of a gorilla, and for a pecker, they give him a baby elephant's trunk.
    After about a week, Cheetah comes up to Tarzan and says,"Tarzan, how you like-a your new parts?"
    Tarzan says, "Eye good...Tarzan see far, clear...arm good...long, strong...but Tarzan not crazy about new wienie... all day long, pick weeds and stuff up Tarzan's ass.
     

    Jimmy and Johnny

    Two guys, Jimmy and Johnny, were standing at heaven's gate,
    waiting to be interviewed by St. Peter.

    Jimmy: "How did you get here?"

    Johnny: "Hypothermia. You?"

    Jimmy: "You won't believe it. I was sure my wife was cheating
    on me, so I came home early one day hoping to find the guy. I
    accused my wife of unfaithfulness and searched the whole
    house without any luck. Then I felt so badly about the whole
    thing I had a massive heart attack."

    Johnny: "Oh, man, if you had checked the walk-in freezer we'd
    both be alive!
     

    "Witch is Which?"

    Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a whore house. When they arrived at the whorehouse, the madame took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business.

    After the two men were finished, they started for home and got to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or groaned...how was it for you?" The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch." The first man asked, "How's that?"
    "Well," said the second man, "when I nibbled on her breast...
    she passed gas and flew out the window!"