Yes, my children. Another offering in the realm of angst. In the words
of one wise woman: "Angst is contagious." Ya dig?

Disclaimer: All claims disclaimed. Duh.

Rating: Well, the last part was pretty much 'G' except for thematic 
        elements, I'd have to say...pick your own rating. Ratings are
        subjective.

Deconstructing Scully: Not the Doctor
by 
Tamani R. Green
***********************************************************************
Morissette Alanis
Jagged Little Pill

Not The Doctor

I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours
I don't want to be your glass of single malt whiskey
Hidden in the bottom drawer
I don't want to be the bandage if the wound is not mine
Lend me some fresh air
I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you
I don't want to be to be your babysitter
You're a very big boy now
I don't want to be you mother
I didn't carry you in my womb for nine months
Show me the back door

(chorus)
Visiting hours are 9 to 5 and if I show up at 10 past six
Well I already know that you'd find some way to sneak me in and oh
Mind the empty bottle with the holes along the bottom
You see it's too much to ask for and I'm not the doctor

I don't want to be the sweeper of the eggshells that you walk upon
I don't want to be your other half I believe that 1 and 1 make 2
I don't want to be your food or the light from the fridge
on your face at midnight
Hey what are you hungry for
I don't want to be the glue that holds your pieces together
I don't want to be your idol
See this pedestal is high and I'm afraid of heights
I don't want to be lived through
A vicarious occasion
Please open the window

(repeat chorus)

I don't want to live on someday when my motto is last week
I don't want to be responsible for your fractured heart
and its wounded beat
I don't want to be a substitute for the smoke you've been inhaling
What do you thank me
What do you thank me for

(repeat chorus)
***********************************************************************
    Mulder. In the end, that's what it all came down to. She felt like
a consolation prize. He expected her to always be there for him. To
help him, heal and console him. He didn't seem to understand that she
wanted more from life than some empty quest that she had no part in.
Finding the truth was his life and it had become hers.
    That point had been brought strongly home to her during the events
of the summer. And now, he was ready to put both their lives on the 
line once again for something as fragile and ephemeral as the truth.
"Well," as Maggie the cat said, "everybody keeps hollerin' about the
truth. Well, the truth is as dirty as lies."
    And the question of trust was raised once again between them. He
thought she didn't trust him. She did - implicitly. She trusted him
with her life. That's a lot to trust somebody with when one isn't too 
sure that they trust you. 
    She always trusted him, even when her belief in him wavered. Scully
was ever ready to follow him on his seemingly hollow quest. He didn't
see that. He thought that just because she couldn't back him up every
time, that she was unwilling to do so. 
    What he didn't seem to see was that she was a scientist, first and
foremost. If she surrendered her belief in hard scientfic fact, she 
would lose an important part of what made her Scully. She would become
just as incredible as he. 
    Yes, there were times that he could've used someone who shared his
beliefs, to bolster and encourage him. But if she became that person, 
they would be led on a primrose path of lies and conjecture. 
    The simple truth of the matter was that it all came down to trust
once again. He used her skepticism and labeled it untrusting. She
trusted him more than he thought. She trusted him more than he trusted
her. He proved that once again by defending that woman to her. 
    Scully was tired of being used as his security blanket. She was 
tired of helping him, healing and consoling him if all it meant was
that he was going to question her loyalty to him time and time again.
He automatically assumed that she was going to be there for him every
time. 
    She was tired of being his safety net. She was tired of him running
to her when things didn't go quite right. He saw them as being the
FBI's clean up crew. Well, she was his clean up crew and it was
wearing. And the strain was beginning to show. And she was not the
doctor for the wounds she didn't create.