~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now I'm big and important one angry dwarf and
two hundred faces are you
If you really want to see me
check your papers and the T.V.
Look who's tellin' who what to do
Kiss my ass
Goodbye.
*******************************************************************************
 
       " You know, Denise, you had it once upon a time. You had looks.
You had talent. But you fucked up. And now it's gone, like dust in the
wind. I wish that you would stop pestering me. I can't get you anymore
gigs, let alone record contracts. When you started the drugs and booze,
you lost it. Now, I want you to get out of my office and don't come 
back."
       " Felix, you are such an asshole! I can't believe that you're just
kicking me out like this!"
       " Well, babe, that's the way the business goes."
       " You'll be sorry one day Felix, yes you will!"
       " Oh, yeah? Bite me sweetheart." Felix pressed a button and his
secretary came on the line.
       " Yes, Mr. Chandler?"
       " Iris, I want you to call security and have Ms. Carey removed
from the premises."
       " Right away, sir."
       " SECURITY!" Denise screeched. " Felix, how can you call security
on me? We go back to high school."
       " You seem to forget my dear, you made me your poster boy of
torture. You and your bra stuffing friends made it a point to fuck with 
me every day. Don't try to say that we were friends because we were never
that. You were nothing more than an object of teenaged lust to me. I was 
nothing more to you than an object of ridicule to you and your bleached-
blonde, nail-painting, toe-polishing bitch friends."
       Just then, security came in the door.
       " Excellent timing, Steven. Take Ms. Carey away. And if she so much
as shows up at Jupiter Records again, have the police arrest her."
       " Yes, sir. Come on, we have to escort you out miss."
       " You'll be sorry one day Felix."
       " I'm so sure I will, Denise. Security, forcibly remove her from
the premises."
       Security took the now-screaming Denise from the plush leather of
Felix's chair and hauled her out of his office. Felix could hear her
screeching all the way down the hall. As he lounged in his chair, he
turned on the monitor perched on a ledge set into the wall. Felix saw
Steven and his co-workers throw Denise Carey, the prettiest, most 
popular girl in high school out of the world headquarters of his music
comglomerate onto the pavement. When security headed back inside and he 
saw Denise pick herself up from the ground to walk away in tears, Felix sat 
back in his chair and smiled contentedly.
******************************************************************************
She plays wipeout on the drums
The squirrels and the birds come
Gather around her guitar

When all fails she speaks
Her mix tapes' a masterpiece

She never gets wet 
she smiles and it's a rainbow

I see her every couple days
I wanna meet her
so that
I
can
say
hey.
Kate!
******************************************************************************
       Felix Chandler, who was once one of the most unpopular and picked
on kids in school, and is now one the handsomest, most sought after
bachelors on the face of the planet, was in extreme like with a
twenty-year-old college girl named Kate. She was everything his other
girlfriends weren't.
        She was unsophisticated, blunt, honest, and had an earthy
attractiveness that couldn't be ingnored. Not to mention a great 
singing voice. She was everything he looked for in both a girl and a 
musical star. She had thelooks, the brains and the talent. She could make
it big in the industry.
       Unfortunately, Kate didn't want that sort of thing. She only
wanted to keep playing in that same dive that he found her in a month ago.
He tried to assure her that the only thing different about her would be
the fact that she could have money to do whatever she liked.
       Kate steadfastly said no. She maintained that it would compromise
her work as an artist. 
       *Yeah, they all say that until they get that fat check. She'll
come around.*
       " Mr. Chandler, Ms. Alexander is here to see you." Iris his
secretary annouced over the intercom.
       " Send her right in, Iris."
       Kate came breezing in the door. Dressed in a pair of wide legged
jeans and a t-shirt, as usual, she was a breath of fresh air after all 
the divas that usually plopped themselves down in his chair and demanded 
that he make them an even bigger star than they already are.
       " So, Felix, what do you want?"
       " The same as usual. I want you to sign as an artist on my label."
       " So, I'll give you the same answer I've given you for a month:
no."
       " Come on. You cannot still want to work in that hole you call a
club?"
       " Look, we are NOT going to keep that same argument going are we?"
  " I guess not. Hey, do you want to go to lunch?"
       " Only if I pick the place."
       " You got it."
*      *       *
       Two days later, Kate called Felix on his home phone. She sounded
as if she'd been crying.
       " Felix?" She asked, sniffing.
       " This is. Kate, is that you?"
       " Hmm-mmm."
       " What's wrong?"
       " I just found out that my mom's got cancer. If we can't come up
with the money for her chemo and everything, she's gonna die in six
months. I want to know, is that record deal still open?"
       " Of course."
       " Then I'll see you tomorrow morning to sign the papers. Don't try
to swindle me, do you hear?"
       " I hear."
******************************************************************************
All is quiet                      He drove home again
His tired eyes                    Pissed and beaten
see figures jotted down           It's really no big deal
and clothes all strewn around     It's no big deal     
the bedroom floor                 
                                  I'm missing the war 
And nothin's addin' up           I'm missing the war all night
And nothin's makin' sense
She's sleepin like a baby        Time may fly 
She doesn't know                 and dreams may die
he wasn't meant for this         The shaking voice that tells him go
                                 Still thinks he might
I'm missing the war              He knows he won't
I'm missing the war all night
                                 I'm missing the war
                                 I'm missing the war all night
*******************************************************************************

       Five years later since that fateful day, Felix drove home to his
house in the Hollywood hills. It was late and he had had a hard day at
work. Everyone at home was asleep, including Kate, whom he had married
three years ago and their two month old daughter, Evelyn.
       Parking the car inside the gate, he entered the house.
The house was quiet except for his footsteps. He went upstairs to check 
on Evelyn. She slept peacefully. That is, until her five o'clock feeding.
Going across the hall to get ready for bed, his eyes focus on the piles 
of papers on his wife's desk. She had been doing their taxes. Clothes lay 
in piles on the floor. He had to step around them to get to his bed.
       Kate lay sleeping in their bed. He did his best not to wake her.
She got so little rest with the baby and all. Kate refused to hire a 
nanny for Evelyn. She had not a clue that he was tired of all the 
domesticity.
He missed being a jet-setter. He often felt like that at night when all
was quiet and nothing disturbed his thoughts.
******************************************************************************
What I've kept with me
and what I've thrown away
and where the hell I've ended up
on this glary, random day.
Were the things I really cared about
For being too pent up and proud.

Here and I stand, sad and free
I can't cry and I can't see.
What have I done
Oh, God, what I have I done?

I poured my heart out
I poured my heart out
It evaporated...see?
******************************************************************************
   When morning came, he was up and about by ten o'clock. Kate had
been awake since five, when Evelyn had demanded her feeding. She 
decided not to try and sleep, but instead decided to have breakfast with him. 
That was something they hadn't done since they were first married. It made 
him long for the early days in their marriage.
       " Kate, I miss you."
       " I miss you too, honey. I wish you could stop spending all those
hours at work."
       " I can't. Why don't you come back to work? You can bring Evelyn
with you. You can start work on your third hit album?"
       " Felix, you know I want some time at home with the baby before I
go back to work. I had hoped that you would spend some of it with us."
       " Kate, you know that's an impossibility. Truth to tell, I wish I
was leading the sort of life we had before we really settled down. I 
want to be a mover and shaker in the industry. I can't do that unless you're
willing to be there with me every step of the way. Lately I've felt 
that you were slipping away from me."
       " Me slipping away from you? It seems that you've been RUNNING away
from me!"
       " I just think that we need to change things."
       " I *know* we do."
******************************************************************************
So you wanted to take a break?
Slow it down and have some space.

Well, fuck you, too!
Give me my money back
Give me my money back, you bitch!
I want my money back
And don't forget to give me back my black t-shirt!
******************************************************************************
Six months later

       " Felix, I think that we need to separate for a while."
       " What?"
       " We need time to figure out what we want to do. It's not working
out at all."
       " You bitch! How can you give me my walking papers?"
       " I'm just suggesting a separation. But if you're going to call me
names, then we may as well forget it and get a divorce."
       " Fine. I want my ring back."
       " My engagement ring?"
       " Yep. I want it back."
       " Fine. You are such an asshole. I don't know why I married you in
the first place."
       " I was starting to wonder that myself."
       " All right, then. I you really want to be that way, then I want a
divorce."
       " Good."
******************************************************************************
I...said what you wanted to hear             Come on baby
and what                                     Throw me a right to the chin
I... wanted to say                           Don't just stare like you  
                                             never cared
So, I... will take it back                  
                                            I know you did
Are all of the dishes intact?
Let them be broken...broken                  Come on baby
                                             Throw me a right to the chin
It's easy to be                              Just one sign 
Easy and free                                that'll show me that you give
When it doesn't mean any thing               a  shit.
                                            
You've done me no favor to call and be nice  But you just smile politely
Telling me I...can take anything             And I grow weaker and I
I...like.                                   
You don't owe me to be so polite            Said what you wanted to hear
You've done no wrong                        And what I wanted to say
You've done no wrong.                       So, I...will take it back
Get out of my sight.
                       It's easy to be
                       Easy and free
                       When it doesn't mean anything
                       You remain 
                       Selfless, Cold and Composed
******************************************************************************
       " What do you mean?"
       " Felix, I mean that you can take anything you like."
       " How can you say that? Don't our things mean anything to you?"
       " No. Nothing attached to you mean anything to me anymore."
       " You are a cold bitch. I remember when you used to be able to feel."
       " I was young and stupid."
       " Oh, you're so old now. You're only twenty-five."
       " Twenty-six. You forgot my birthday last year."
       " We were still together then."
       " I know."
       " Is that what this is all about? Cause I didn't pay enough attention
to you?"
       " No. Do you think that I'm that shallow?"
       " Well..."
       " I'll have my lawyer contact you formally with my list of what I'm
petitioning for."
       " Kate! Don't hang up! You still feel something for me, right?"
       " Not one blessed thing, Felix. Goodbye."
       Kate hung up the phone dry-eyed and empty.
******************************************************************************
Did you get my other letters?       He shouted out his last word
Sometimes I think I oughta call     And he stumbled through the yard
Cause, you know, I often wonder     
If you open them at all.           And she shattered her last china plate
                                   And spun off in the car.
Every couple nights or so
You know, you pop into my dreams   When he lunged onto the hood
I just can't get rid of you        She stopped to tell him she'd been
like you got rid of me             wrong.
                                                
                                   He was flung head over heels into
                                   the traffic comin' on.

                                   I guess she made her way
                                   Through the mob
                                   Too late to hear him say               
               That he'd gotten all he wanted
               A crowd to watch him bear the pain
               He'd been keepin' in
               So what?
       
               But then,
               All is fair,
               All is fair
               In love.
*********************************************************************************
       Kate went to the house to get the rest of her and Evelyn's
belongings. She packed up the boxes and loaded them into the truck. She
went back into the house to get the last of them when she heard a 
noise. Looking up, she saw Felix standing in the doorway of the bedroom.
       " Hello Felix."
       " Hello, Kate."
       " What brings you home so early?"
       " I took off after lunch. I didn't expect to see you here."
       " I specifically took off work so that I could be here when you weren't."
       " Isn't that grand."
       " Yes, it is."
       Felix looked down at his shoes. He was unsure of what to say next.
       " Um, Kate?"
       " Yes?" She replied distractedly, sorting the clothes that were to
go to Goodwill and those she would keep.
       " I want to know: did you get my letters? Sometimes I think I
ought to call. Do you even open them?"
       " Felix, I haven't the faintest notion of what you're talking about."
       " Kate, you know, I still dream about you."
       " Felix, don't do this to me."
       " I can't get rid of you like you got rid of me."
       " Felix," she said, rising from the floor. " I can't do this. Not
right now. Give me a call and maybe we can make some sense out of this mess.
But, now. I need some time to be by myself."
       " Well, Kate. I send you my best, 'cause God knows, you've seen my
worse."
       Kate picked up the rest of the boxes and headed for the stairs.
Jogging down them, she crossed the atrium and walked out of the door.
Felix stood in the doorwaay. He came to the conclusion that he didn't 
want to lose her. He ran out of the bedroom and bounded down the stairs out 
of the door. Kate looked up from her progress across the wide green lawn.
Felix was running and shouting at her to stop. She stopped and took one 
of the china plates from her collection and threw it at him. It shattered 
at his feet. She picked up the boxes and ran to the car. Throwing the 
boxes onto the passenger seat, she ran to the driver's side and spun off 
before even closing the door. Felix lauched himself onto the hood of the 
truck. She slammed on the brakes and he was flung out into the traffic coming 
on.
       " Oh, my God! Felix! Honey!"
       A mob had formed around the unconscious formm of Felix. Kate fought her
way through the people. She got there too late to hear him say that all he'd
wanted was a crowd to watch him bear the pain. He passed out. An ambulance 
came and took Felix to St. Andrew's. It turned out that
all he'd gotten was a nasty bump on the head and a sprained ankle. They
let him go after an hour.
       " Felix, I think that you make up these little dramas to test me."
       " Never, love."
       " I'm not your love. I'll call you a cab to come and get you."
       " You won't drive me home?"
       " It's not my home anymore." Kate walked out of the hospital room
and out of the hospital and never looked back.
******************************************************************************
Do you not hear me anymore?          
I know it's not your thing to care  
I know it's cool to be so bored
It sucks me in when you're aloof
It sucks me in, it sucks it works
I guess it's cool to be alone.

Unearned unhappiness
That's ok, I guess

Will you never rest?
Fighting the Battle of Who Could Care Less
Unearned unhappiness.
You're my hero, I confess
******************************************************************************
       " I dissolve this marriage on the grounds of irreconcilable
differences. Mr. Chandler will retain all properties and money. Ms.
Alexander will retain all publishing rights and royalties. Court
dismissed."
       " Well, Kate. Those rights and royalties should keep you in dough
forever. Of course I will pay child support."
       " Felix, we'll work all that out in the custody hearing. I really
don't wish to discuss this right now."
       " Why not?"
       " Because I frankly don't care anymore. It's over and I don't want
to talk about it."
       " You cold bitch."
       " I learned from the best."
       Kate strode out of the courtroom, head held high, heels tapping on
the smooth marble. Felix slumped back into his chair, devastated. He wept.
       " I lost her forever. And there's nothing you or I or anyone else
can do about it." He cried to his attorney.
       " Get over it man. It'll be okay."
       Felix just sat and wept.