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Journeys 2; (C)1995 (C)2007 A. Alexander Volenski

Chapter 4 unedited excerpt
Darkness

  Can the single-source of the human ever be allowed to be written?
And if it were, would the knowledge derived of that single-source,
create a more reasonable society and world?
  The single-source, that unique individualism each are born to be
aware of, is separate to all exterior single-source's.  Our own
authentic single-source we are born with is present and formed perhaps
during the 'pre-birth stage'; and it strolls the earth with us and is
always there, just as our shadow is always there, and it knows of and
sees a multitude of other single-source's too.  The single-source
moves arm in arm with our completeness and our darkness, both walking
through meadows of liberation where one finds emotion and entirety.
Our meadow of eternity stretches and reaches to meet a friend-future,
a future which is always calling and coming to us.  And our single
source breathes freely the scent of our free-will as so too does the
darkness within us breathe freely that very same scent.
  'Realm of Darkness', like a dark forest so still and quiet, so
instilled, entrusted, and bestowed with everything in and of the
beginning, a beginning which struggles constantly to tell us all...
And a part of ourselves wants to listen and another part of ourselves
wants only to ignore or push 'darkness' aside.  Darkness in shadowy
silhouette form standing so near, viewing all so dear, ever and again
calling to us.  Calling and pleading, as a child might call in the 
night, or as a parent might call to their child in the shadowy
murkiness.  And tears form and fall as the heart of a child, mother
and father, continues to wander in the plight, a plight to understand
what is happening to them within their darkness and light; wandering
like war refugee's caught in the turmoil of chaos.  Yes, 'darkness' or
'the child of darkness', is constantly overlooked, neglected,
discarded, scorned and ignored, all while it tries to help us.
  As the decades and centuries pass in clumps of many, each display
humanities maturity level, a maturity which ever falls away as the
human succumbs to a common circle of ever again and again.  When will
the humans who are the focus of darkness and light, come to see and
realize the crux of it all, and the duality placed there.  When will
the positive qualities presented by darkness and light, be embraced by
humanity in equal fashion.  How long will humanity continue to wander
in turmoil and chaos, ever repeating the same mistakes, ever receiving
the same fate and misfortune, ever seeing their forlorn and
destructive histories replayed; written chronicle and movie-ism
performing for them--continuous play-back of over and over, again and
again.
  Humanity wallowing in its fallen breath, always missing the way, as
its pride closes the door, hides the door, blocks the door--the door
of truth.  And the screams of pain and suffering fill the heavens,
heard to the heights on high, echoing screams of anguish and sorrow
quivering and fluttering through the great halls of loftiness, while
the bloody war and destruction, rape and murder, blanket the land and
humanity, soaking to the core of the muscle, brains, and bone, rotting
away and disfiguring the created birth-blessing.
  Jealousy and hate, murderous scorn, as the blood letting goes on,
growing into vicious forms of deceit and contempt, greed and
dominaton cutting away the very heart of the single-source, like in an
ancient ritual-sacrifice, all done in the name of a human supreme 
being--with words like inquisition, pride, power, and wealth.  And
what kind of a Deity would ask for such brutal ruthless unmerciful 
inhuman acts?  Is it the Deity, or is the Deity only a 'scapegoat' 
for the pride, arrogance, and the inadequacy of the human, who 
wanders the wilderness with an ignorant-exterminator named Censor.  
Why for 12,000yrs and longer has humanity continued to kill and 
exterminate, massacre, and slaughter, assassinate and slay the 
blessings of birth and living life?  It will never cease this oozing, 
gurgling, clotting bleed, which releases itself in whiffs along the 
airy, perfuming the soul, spirit, and body, with the smell of 
deadened flesh.  It will never cease, until humanity opens itself and 
realizes it is both a child of darkness, and a child of light; 
something which Pride does not want humanity to have knowledge of.
  Open the eyes and perceive the perception revealed--look clearly
into the mirror, open yourself to 'humility', a powerful source of
emotion and understanding.  Cast out pride and arrogance, who has led
humanity, and leads you, along a road of destruction, war, murder, and
rape.  There is no truth found in pride, only misfortune, lust, and
continued conflict--as recorded in thousands of years of historical
documentation.  Do not numb yourself to your feelings, do not close
your mind to histories recorded suffering of other humans.  Do not
ignore or forget what has been given, and those who have given to help
free you from chaos, war, lies, confusion, and pride.  The maze of
blood letting and madness must stop, else it consume you in its
consumption.  Pride now leads you down a road designed to totally take
your identity away.  Do not be naive in believing technology is solely
for the human race...it is being designed to control the human 
and make it a slave to its (Prides) self generating power.  Soon 
the technology will not need the human, and then will begin the
exterminating process of the masses.  The communication of the total-
truth is necessary in order to survive.  The total-truth, and not just
bits and pieces of it, or altered imitations.
  Pride never recognizes the inadequacy of itself, pride never faces
up to its own inadequacies, as it points the finger at someone or
something else.  And who suffers in all of this, it is only the human
who laments and agonizes, grieves, and despairs, as Pride stands and
smiles, viewing how easily the human is led.  Who this day would be
the herald, courier, or emissary, which will carry the message which
speaks of truth?
  Within a lofty place there was a whiteness all around and as the
mist lifted, out of that expansive mistiness an emissary appeared who
was dressed in a long dark hooded cloak, and that courier was strong
and wise, and handed an ancient scroll to a Goddess.  The Goddess now
sat within a large well lighted room, and she thanked the emissary for
bringing the scroll, and he then turned and stepped within a mistiness
of whitened cloud, and was gone.  She slowly opened the scroll and saw
in large letters on its cover the word, 'Humility', written there
along with definition and description.  The scroll was made of a
material as soft as the petal of a flower, and written from the dye of
green crushed grass, it had a locking-seal of amber attached to a gold
ribbon.  The scroll was a sacred screed of writing, and very important
to the Goddess, for she desired to understand all there was about
Humility, its effect, emotion, original source, its power and
connection to the human, and also herself.
  The Goddess gazed upon the scroll and as she did her surroundings
seemed to dim flutter, and the characters and symbols on the scroll
suddenly became dim and blurred; it was then she knew Pride had 
entered the room.  The Goddess looked up and saw Pride who walked
toward her, and Pride came and stood and stared, then said, "what
do you have there in your hands?"  A fiery look appeared in the eyes
of the Goddess, and she answered, "what I hold here in my hands is
Humility, something you do not understand nor have the ability to
become".  Then Pride in his arrogance, turned to her left, walked a
few steps, and vanished into the air.  The Goddess again looked to the
scroll held in her hands and could see it clearly now, for the blur 
and dimness was gone, then she began to read.
  The first line below the word Humility was: "There is no moderation 
in Pride, yet there is moderation with Humility."  The Goddess lifted
her eyes skyward and mused to herself as she suddenly perceived how
strong Humility was in comparision to Pride.  For Humility was
embraced with moderation, which was a link to longevity and the
divine.  And she suddenly was aroused and knew that within humility,
she would be void of pride, and shielded from prides arrogance, chaos,
and mystic ability.  With humility she also would be able to recognize
understanding and total truth, where eyes of compassion and divine
grace were illuminated, a site of love and immortality with peace.
  The Goddess continued to look upward, and then saw a vision begin to
take shape.  She saw a woman appear, a woman who was sitting alone and
thinking at a table in a room, a woman who appeared to be in very deep
thought.  It was night, and that woman looked out a window to the
moon, and everything was illuminated with a silvery blueness.  The
woman gazed skyward beyond the moon into the depths of the universe
and saw the grand array of stars surrounded with a color of deep
sapphire blue.  Then the woman stood in that moonlight, and her
thoughts drifted to warm summer sunsets which were also accompanied 
by a moon.  She envisioned an evening where warmth and pinks, mellow
golds and yellows, brightened the landscape and airy; then she walked 
to a stove in that room and poured a cup of tea, and slowly sipped the
lavender and periwinkle brew.
  The name of that woman was Melody Snow Leman, the daughter of Stilly
and Harry.  The tea was warm and assuring, and as she sipped, she let
her mind drift freely to see what might be there.  The Goddess
watched, and as Melody stood, she too saw a vision take shape, one of
a man who came walking toward her, a man who held a small white ball
in his hand, and he spoke, "what I show you or say to you is not
abstract or liquid when you look into yourself and realize all which
is there."  Then he opened his hand which held the white ball, and the
ball moved and levitated off his palm, and floated in the air, a ball
the color and texture of the full moon, then he said, "you have a ball
like this too...it's there...I hope I have helped."  And Melody asked
him, "who are you, and where do you come from or reside?"  The man
nodded and smiled, and as he did, his physical appearance suddenly
changed into a shadowy form, and he answered, "I am a part of you
which resides in darkness."  Then the vision glimpse faded, and Melody
sipped some more of her tea, and returned to the table and sat down.
As she sat, she mused to herself about the man with moon like ball and
wondered what it all meant, and after a few moments tears did rise
within her eyes.
  Then the Goddess saw her vision of the woman disappear in the same 
way as the (visionary) man had disappeared from Melody's vision.  The
Goddess suddenly felt a wave of compassion pass over her, and with
that wave came feelings, understanding, and many heart felt emotions.
For the Goddess was able to perceive all with her visions and the
visions of others, along with the emotions which existed in them--in
otherwords, she felt and perceived everything Melody felt too.  As she
saw Melody's vision as it was presented, there was a kind of visionary
melding of their minds.  From that vision a passionate love feeling
touched the very center of the Goddesses wholeness, and she felt a
warm and soothing sensation stream through her; for Melody and the Man
of Darkness together, radiated much love and strong feeling.
  When the Man of Darkness had smiled, he radiated great joy, and 
when Melody saw that smile--also with it came a sudden stream of
tears to her eyes, and the Goddess at that same moment felt both the
joy of the man and the emotion-tears of Melody.  Very powerful were
the impelling sways of joy and sadness which came suddenly upon the
Goddess.  Then the Goddess leaned back in her chair and closed her
eyes--the joy and sadness she felt was overwhelming and intense, and
enlivened many things within her which spoke of the truth of the Man
and Melody.
  Now she heard a deep echoing sound like low-chanting, or rolling
thunder which came in pure clear tones.  The sound was like a mixture
of voices, or a low-drumming cadence with a crackle and sizzle in the
background; as with lightening viewed while one witnessed a warm
summer cloud-burst with thunder echoing as upon far distant hills.
As the sound faded away it was replaced with a tinkling melodious
tone like that of many birds singing or the sound of raindrops 
splattering on a piece of thin glass--and that too faded away, and
the Goddess opened her eyes, as now a veil of silence covered all.
And in the present silence the Goddess still heard those sounds 
(voice-chants, low-drumming, thunder-rumble, plinking upon glass)
resounding in her mind, and she felt the tears of Melody too and
wished she could be of help to her; for the Goddess knew how difficult
it all was for the human.
  The interaction between the Goddess, Melody, and Man of Darkness,
had formed those expressions--for all three momentarily had been
connected, inspired, and manifested along one visionary plane.  A 
realm which was observed by the Goddess and realized by Melody--and
that domain was as a new-known which had opened, one linked to
Melody's 'singularity within'; a site completely in-touch with pure 
'free energy', the very energy which Humility transmitted.  A
transmitted energy which rode within and upon the warm soothe, of
divine acknowledgment and understanding.  The form those expressions
took would also show, a similar universality which all could relate
to.  A universal reality which could lead one straight to their
own tie with the Absolute Source.
  'Humility' and its power was woven within the scroll, a scroll
which came from the Hall of Everything, and once opened--it had also
opened a door linked to the great Hall of Truth.  For the Goddess,
Melody, and Man of Darkness, all suddenly had been linked to one
visionary realm, where they could momentarily bond-with as they
'perceived the perception as it revealed'.  Though all three seemed
only present as upon a dance floor passing each other within a dance,
still all three shared the harmony of the same tune.  That dance was
something which Pride did not desire nor care to have, for Pride
wanted everything to be controlled by itself.  Only humility 
possessed the rewarding key of that dance and sharing; humility
wouldn't block off understanding nor did it strive for control-over.
  A person with pride will often close their eyes and mind to
something they do not understand, because they do not want to 
acknowledge their own inadequacy.  Humility looked toward what it
did not understand, and helped to correct the inadequacy of ignorance
with comprehension.  In many ways the human is not born in Sin, but
born with an Inadequacy.  An inadequacy to know and understand their
complete-self, and it is through the humility of knowing that 
inadequacy of self, that one begins to find their way.
  To advance with humility is to find maturity and understanding, and
to be able to see what most have been blinded too.  For in the
complete 'memory consciousness' residing within each human, one can
see and become aware of mistakes and inadequacies placed as barriers,
to block the way; humility opens the way.  Humility speaks with and
too our darkness and light, for that is the way of truth, something
which Pride ever walks away from in its confrontation with humility;
for Pride is afraid of truth.  On a positive view--Pride is seen
wading in its ignorance, perhaps trying, yet not stepping to higher
ground.  On the negative view of Pride, it is retarded or deficient
of human emotion, obsessed as it is in controlling humanity.  And in
Pride's hard-heartedness, it can see but not feel even the gentlest 
and simplest emotional flutter, for it is totally consumed with
domination.
  Now to Melody, the daughter of Stilly and Harry.  Her location was
east of Spain on the Balearic Islands; Stilly and Harry were also on
a Balearic island, Minorca, a northern isle of that group--and Melody
and Maro Leman, on Ibiza, a southern isle of the same group.  As
fully described in 'Journeys of the Mind', Ibiza was where Melody had
built a villa--a home named La Casa Sin Tiempo, 'The House Without 
Time'.
  The villa sat upon a hill near the sea--was built on one level and
painted white.  On the southside of the villa, a large lawn and patio;
the lawns outer perimeter lined with juniper, cypress, and a medium
high hedge.  The patio was filled with a multitude of potted plants;
there were couches, tables, chairs, all of which were made of a 
wicker-weave design and also white in color.  Over the slate patio
an overhanging roof was built off of the home, it was made with
pillars, beams and lattices, and growing upon the lattice was a near
total covering of very green-ivy and flowering vines.  From the
entrance of the patio one stepped through a large sliding glass door
into a main livingroom, where one found on the right a small bar,
a little beyond a stone fireplace; the main entrance from the 
driveway was at the far end of the livingroom and near the fireplace.
To the left of the livingroom patio entrance, a kitchen area with
glass windows that gave a clear view of lawn, patio, and pathway to
the sea.
  The bedrooms of the villa were located on opposite sides of the
livingroom, and each were exquisitely decorated--one masculine,
one feminine.  The villa had a half-circle shape, the livingroom
oval, with stone tile floor, and rugs, and the walls were a
combination of wood paneling and stone.  It was a very expensively
decorated and furnished villa, yet done in such a way as to reflect
a modest appearance and character...
  ...Melody Snow and Maro Leman, as described in 'Journeys of the
Mind', were married in Geneva, Switzerland--both held doctorates in
Egyptology, but that part of themselves was actually a very small
part of what they both were about and capable.  Melody, medium
height-slender in form, brown eyes and long blond hair, a very warm
attractive woman.  Maro, tall-slender and very trim, brown to black
medium length hair, and he had very deep blue eyes with specks of 
brown.
  It was now evening and Melody sat on a couch in the livingroom,
gazing toward the glowing and small flickering flame of the fireplace.
Maro was asleep, and as Melody sat, she continued to think about
her vision with the Man of Darkness.  She replayed in her mind that
vision of the man with small white ball resembling the moon--"and
the moon can mean Love", she mused.  So she rationalized that Maro
(her love), may have been that spirit of darkness which came to her
in the vision, and she wondered also it she had a spirit of darkness
which might go and speak with him.
  Melody continued to ponder many things about that vision and Man
of Darkness, and she knew Maro was sleeping in the other room, 
perhaps he had manifested himself in vision to her as the Man of
Darkness, yet was that how it happened?  She was not sure, and only 
let those 'wonders' settle and drift as though they were a quiet
mist within her.  Melody leaned and stretched herself upon the couch
and closed her eyes, then focused upon the Man of Darkness as seen
within her imagining mind.  After a few moments, the image of the
man appeared and faded and then came clear to her; she now could see
him.
  He was standing alone and speaking as though someone were near to
him, and his words went as follows, "...and for my spirit in its
sincerity she will know, and as for my body with its feelings, warmth,
and needs, it will give her warmth, feelings, and needs, as our love
does a dance of return-sharing...one to the other."
  Drifting clouds, sparkling stars, shining moon, cool comforting
warm breeze, fresh the scent of earthy stillness, calmness inside--as
the wind like sound and song of darkness tingled within the night.
As she lay on the couch, Melody listened and suddenly heard a woman's
voice, it was her voice, her spirit of darkness speaking to Maro's
spirit of darkness, and the voice she heard said, "I can feel you as
never before, I am content to have known you so, and this newness is
so soothing and warm coming to me...as I turn, you come nearer to my
mind."  There was a pause, then a tinkling sound the same that wind
chimes make, and then Melody heard more, "I pray to dream with thee,
yet I wake up in dream so it seems...do you feel me...I can breathe
as so that my heart speeds up...I fall asleep, yet I want to stay
awake because it is so beautiful looking into the star-fields of
space with you here next to me...I am silent, yet I feel the wind
song and listen to its message of 'our chime' here near the window
of the stars, and they sing-the stars--pinging across the meadow of
the Milky-Way, a divine and beautiful star song they sing, coming
from the great cosmic garden...I see a vision of clouds adrift,
patterns in moon light, a symbol of our birth lines coming from
within us and reflecting back to us, and I realize and hope it is me
that you are really feeling now...then a golden glow at the horizon 
appears and I close my eyes because I am as though charmed only by
the moon and the night...sleep is an instant and comes in a blink,
and I dream of being awake hearing the sound of calling birds, it is
just getting light, the stars are gone, and I see clouds colored a
little in soft pink and grey, the wind is warm...getting up I walk
into the villa and will fall asleep again...I know this is how it is
in the morning and I feel as though I am experiencing many dreams in
one...to me you are still in my thoughts and I can feel a closeness
which touches completely all over as though you are here cloaking me
in your healing warmth...now I lay on the bed, I curl up, and there I 
feel you all the more and know that I am not going to forget all of
this and will write what I can for you, so you can share what I have
shared with our love...I have just loved you, for this is one of our
ways of loving."
  As Melody listened so too did many tears come to her eyes, and she 
felt her body quiver and even shake, for the emotional sincerity and
even humility woven and laced as it was within the tone's of the 
voice, had reached deep and touched a part of herself; and had opened
within her a place of knowing for the first time.  A site which had
been calling to her for as long as eternity, and now as that joy-of-
opening had occured, thus, tears did tell of the long struggle and
even of struggles to come.
  "Like a non-ending story," Melody spoke quietly as she thought and
recalled many places and things she had experienced, and of all the
wisdom and knowledge she had accumulated about the mystery 
surrounding Maro and herself.  Developing to learn completeness of
self, and all born within ones total--was something which they both
were still learning, and now a new awareness had come into their 
lives, for she realized there was actually a part of them both which
perceived, lived, and resided, within a realm of darkness.
  The world of the other is the world of the same other.  For there
is only one other for each, and it always exists, and it grows, feels,
lives everything as it has happened.  Melody understood this, for in
her life she had lived through many experiences, and all along the way
she knew there was always 'something' with her, like a guardian
spirit or angel might be.  Now she was nearer to understanding what
that power could be, and as she sat looking to the fireplace, she 
smiled and was happy, for she knew that Maro also was beginning to 
know and understand these very same things.
  ...When we walk in our light of day, we hear the melodious chirping
of birds within a meadow, birds who sing an individual song, a song
about divine-predetermination.  And upon the horizon affirmed, the
rising sun appears to shine its golden hue--a warm light which sprays
and penetrates with energy, from a conscious warmth of (our)
understanding; and it transcends upon us so we may breathe-in and
become aware of our universal-reality.

~
 
[here ends chapter-4 describing new spiritual awareness]
[page is yet to be proof-read]

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                                        updated 2007
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