"Harum Scarum's Words to Chew On Part II: The Legend of the 
Infinity Monkeys"



 	It was a Friday night. I was hopped up on dryer lent and 
feeling oh so Downy Soft. My Baby was beside me talking about our 
upcoming wedding, her eyes were boucing from just a trace of Bounce
mixed in with the captured lent. I stood up to make water, and 
immediately blacked-out. 

   When I came to, flat on the floor, I looked to My Baby for 
assistance, support, and kindess, but I onlygot a shock to the nerves.

   Seems my old buddy Harum Scarum was back, and this time he didn't 
care about me. He was going straight for the goods. Hey Baby Baby's 
that is. 
    
    Quicker than OJ, I jumped up, grabbed that ole Shriner capped
monkey by the scruff of his neck, and tossed him across the room.
He splattered against the wall and disappeared, leaving these 
words of wisdom behind. 


1. If Wilt Chamberlein had AIDS would he be any less of a womanizer
 and adulteror?
2. Bart Simpson is really a girl.
3. Clark Gable was biologically a woman.
4. Professional Wrestlers don't cut their foreheads with razor blades 
anymore.
5. Crack pipes can be legally bought at Head Shops.
6. Spike Lee works for the Man.
7. Barbra Walters is famous because she makes her interviewees cry.
8. The Los Angelos Lakers came from Michigan.
9. Men don't have to wipe when they piss.
10. Strom Thurmond ran for President in 1954.
11. The New York Times doesn't have Funny Pages.
12. Put a Hispanic in a Black neighborhood, and he becomes White.
13. Incompetence=Malicious Intent=Conspiracy
14. Moby Dick is a boring movie.
15. Switzerland has the highest suicide rate in Europe.
16. Vodka is just rotten potatoes.
17. We scramble eggs before the chick grows feathers.
18. The Universe is Infinite, but it's also getting bigger.
19. Regis's wife looks an awlful lot like Kathy Lee.
20. Sammy Davis Jr. was both a practicing Satanist and a Jew.
21. Ozzy Osborne didn't throw live puppies into the auidience for 
the crowd to kill.
22. Barbra Steisand suffers from stage fright.
23. In the world of Preying Mantis's, Love Kills.
24. Yoko.
25. Cocker Spainels attack more people than any other kind of dog. 
26. Baseball fields are smaller in Japan.
27. Never trust a Junkie.
28. Only Democrats attend Democratic Conventions.
29. "Factory Sealed for Your Protection" doesn't mean "Tamper Proof."
30. First Blood. Rambo: First Blood Part II. Rambo III.
31. Norwood.
32. The Challenger exploded because of a broken "O" Ring.
33. Have you ever seen a Size "A" battery?
34. I'd hate to be an Indian named Squanto.
35. Both Pluto and Goofy are Dogs.
36. There were at least 5 members of the "Three Stooges."
37. You can't buy cigarettes or beer with food stamps.
38. Kurt Cobain was a good shot, but a lousey father.
39. King Kong died while chasing a White Woman.
40 You might be a redneck.
41. The United States Postal Service advocates substance abuse by 
issuing stamps of Elvis, Marilyn, and James Dean.
42. ..... is the answer. Now what is the question?
43. E.T. is Steven Speilberg's Jewish interpretation of the story 
of Jesus Christ.
44. Waffle House serves over 500,000 different varities of hamburgers.
45. Jerry Seinfeld is Superman. Elaine is Lois Lane. George is 
Jimmy Olsen. Newman is Lex Luthor. And Kramer is Batman.
46.I was there when the **** went down in Grenada.
47.Who was the last American President to speak with a British accent?

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