Kiss The Girl
a parody of
"Kiss The Girl" from "The Little Mermaid"
Sung by: The Lone Gunman
Setting: Office of The Lone Gunman
Langly and Frohike are examining a piece of equipment when they are
joined by their associate Byers.
BYERS: What are you guys doing?
FROHIKE: You will never believe what we got our hands on.
LANGLY: We think that we may have acquired an Epiphany.
BYERS: A moment of clear insight?
FROHIKE: It was rumored to be a strictly experimental device used to
emit subliminal messages.
BYERS: You mean like the ones used to help people quit smoking?
LANGLY: Exactly, except that this little bundle of glorified plastic can actually alter your mood and have a profound effect on your actions.
BYERS: Much like the tube Mulder found in that television.
FROHIKE: Almost the same technology, but it's about the size of a match head and can be fitted as a companion piece to almost any bug.
BYERS: And the next thing you will be telling me is that it is not
exclusively experimental.
LANGLY: No, thousands are being uncovered in homes across the country. This one was found in the home of our own Agent Mulder.
BYERS: Does he know about it?
FROHIKE: Of course, he was the one who found it. He allowed us to keep one in place so we can do some experiments of our own.
*Noticing the screen where Mulder's apartment is being observed, Frohike pushes Langly out of the way.*
FROHIKE: Quick, turn it up. It's the lovely Miss Scully.
-----SCULLY: Salt Lake City, Utah…transfer effective immediately.
FROHIKE: What did she say?
BYERS: They finally did it. They're splitting them up.
LANGLY: They could fight this if they really wanted to.
FROHIKE: I think that they do really want to, but they're scared.
LANGLY: I wish we were there to knock some sense into them.
BYERS: Well, gentlemen if what you are saying is true, we have the
technology to do just that right here in our hands.
LANGLY: I don't know guys, it doesn't seem right to play with their
emotions. They have been through so much.
FROHIKE: The device can't create thoughts it can only stimulate
pre-existing ones. We would really be doing them a favor.
LANGLY: I don't know about that.
FROHIKE: Well, then do it for our mental health. I am quite fond of the lanky one myself, but he just about drove me to the outside the last time she went out of town.
LANGLY: Not to mention the pencil holes in the ceiling...
BYERS: Well, all of your debate is for naught...it's all ready to go.
The three stare at the screen.
FROHIKE: Let me...what this couple needs is a little romantic stimulation. *Speaking into the mike* Ahemmm...Mulder tell her you need her.
-----MULDER: I need you on this Scully
LANGLY: Frohike, he doesn't need her on the case...he needs her.
-----SCULLY: You don't need me Mulder, you never have.
FROHIKE: Great Langly, she misunderstood you, and now she's leaving.
BYERS: Oh, brother! I'm surrounded by amateurs. *He pushes his friends out of the way* Well, I guess if you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself.
*Langly and Frohike exchange looks as Byers turns various knobs*
BYERS: First we've got to adjust...his mood
Angst...
Loss...
Wonder...
Words...
*Byers speaks soothingly into the microphone*
Go and catch her
Now, before she gets away
Don't leave it 'til another day
She'll already have transferred
And though she'll deny it
Because she's trying to hide it
She's really pissed-that girl
*Mulder hesitates a second before following Scully into the hallway. He confronts her and they begin a heated exchange*
LANGLY: He's still mad, he's going to screw it up.
BYERS: No, he won't because he knows that she saved him.
-----MULDER: But, you saved me.
BYERS: See? Watch and learn fellows.
I think you got her
Tears adorn her face like dew
Now she's looking up at you
And you start to remember
Gone without a word
In your memory is burned
How you missed the girl
*The guys listen to Mulder's confession and watch as Scully's defenses
start to melt*
FROHIKE: I think it's working.
-----MULDER: You made me a whole person. I owe you everything Scully, and you owe me nothing.
BYERS: Uh oh, help me out gentlemen...
*FROHIKE and LANGLY join BYERS*
Sha la la la la don't believe the lie
That you're a worthless guy
And don't deserve the girl
Sha la la la la you aint your dad
Don't shift the blame, get mad
Or you're gonna risk the girl
-----MULDER: I don't know if I want to do this alone. I don't even know if I can. And if I quit now, they win...
*Byers smiles and leans into the microphone*
Not a comment
Has escaped her lips since you
Disclosed a whole is made from two
It's straight now you've set her
*Scully finally gives in and is folded into Mulder's embrace. Frohike
and Langly hi-five each other*
We're just computer nerds
but we know what we heard
So, please just kiss the girl
*Scully reaches up and kisses Mulder's forehead*
Sha la la la la is my watch wrong?
It shouldn't take this long
Just to kiss a girl
Sha la la la la Frohike say
That it would make his day
If he could kiss your girl
FROHIKE: Great, now Mulder is going to want to subconsciously beat me up.
LANGLY: I wouldn't worry. I haven't met anyone who didn't want to beat you up.
BYERS: Frohike I somehow get the impression that Mulder is not thinking of you at the moment.
*the trio watch with bated breath as Mulder reaches for Scully and cradles her face in his hands*
LANGLY: I really feel like we shouldn't be watching this.
FROHIKE: Well, then go in the other room.
*Langly remains glued to the screen*
BYERS: Well, here goes nothing.
Sha la la la la note her stare
It's like a double dare
she wants a kiss-this girl
Sha la la la la Boys take a bow
Oy Vey, Meow (inside joke)
He's gonna kiss the girl
*Mulder closes his eyes and grazes Scully's lips when...*
-----SCULLY: Ow!
-----MULDER: Sorry.
BYERS: What was that?
-----SCULLY: Something stung me...
*Elsewhere...turning from yet another screen is a lone figure. Long
tendrils of gray smoke whip around his withered form as he reaches for a phone*
MAN: Good work gentlemen. But, that was close-a little too close.
Mistakes will not be tolerated. You know what to do next.
*He hangs up and takes a long drag of his cigarette...
MAN: So, it begins...
By: Sunday Luna and Aimee Dixon
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