Don't eat spam, it's sick and wrong..

Shuriken's Comprehensive Things to Do to Waste Time List!

Don't Tell Shuriken I put this up here.. Shhh!

All ideas expressed herein belong to Shuriken, and I take no part in the hilarity composed by the comedic genius. Except the fact I alone copied it from paper and wrote it here in HTML form.. other than that.. I didn't do it. It wasn't me, so don't tell Shuriken..

  1. Write top tens
  2. Look for the hidden cameras the government placed all over your house.
  3. Worship belly button lint
  4. Worship your neighbor's armpit
  5. Walk down a sidewalk and drop to your knees and lick passerby's shoes.
  6. Have a nervous breakdown
  7. Hotwax your fish
  8. Stand in the middle of a busy store and scream "YOU CAN'T HAVE ME! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! AHHH! MY EYES! MY EYES!" and fall over in a crumpled heap, heart attack optional.
  9. Become a dictator of an ant farm
  10. Make your own yogurt
  11. Shave a Chia Pet
  12. Neuter a Llama
  13. Neuter a Chia Pet
  14. Teach yourself lobotomy surgery
  15. Think about sleeping
  16. Sleep about thinking
  17. Become Supreme Ruler of the Universe, but don't tell anyone about it.
  18. Impersonate a corpse
  19. Neuter a corpse
  20. Impersonate a neuter
  21. Neuter an impersonator
  22. Neuter an impersonator
  23. Be redundant
  24. Solve the Mystery of Life and forget it
  25. Count backwards
  26. Count sideways
  27. Count sideways backwards
  28. Neuter backwards
  29. Go to hell
  30. Don't go to hell
  31. Don't neuter backwards
  32. Become principal of a High School and don't do anything, except for #13.
  33. Build a shrine for shrines
  34. Become a Nazi Jew and kill yourself
  35. Make circumcision a weekly habit
  36. Make a habit of smacking yourself in the head
  37. Smack yourself in the head for making a stupid habit of smacking yourself in the head.
  38. Make a soap bubble commit suicide
  39. Commit yourself
  40. Commit a neutered soap bubble
  41. Break up with yourself
  42. Celebrate the anniversary of last year's anniversary
  43. Protest leap year
  44. Pretend you are pretending
  45. Shave your head and get a haircut
  46. Discover a cure for breathing
  47. Name your feces
  48. Show your feces to your friends
  49. Show your friends to your feces
  50. Recarpet your goldfish bowl
  51. Commit murder, but don't kill anybody
  52. Start an "anti-club" club
  53. Have an affair with yourself
  54. Recycle thoughts
  55. Don't and say you did.
  56. Don't and say you don't, but you wished you did, but you didn't, even though if you don't you didn't so do that and you don't, so just do it.
  57. Learn absolutely nothing, and lecture about it.
  58. Drive backward, but in reverse
  59. Run over a skunk and miss it completely
  60. Paint your toilet
  61. Toilet your paint
  62. Disect yourself
  63. Lose track of your train of thought
  64. Eat your milk
  65. Pick an open lock
  66. Write a term paper with invisible ink.
  67. Stick cheese in a toaster
  68. Stick a toaster in a microwave
  69. Stick a microwave in a toaster
  70. Stick a neutered chia pet in a microwave
  71. Become an atheist pope
  72. Be glad you're glad
  73. Commit adultery with nobody
  74. Call people up and ask if they have a phone
  75. Mix kool-aid in your toilet
  76. Taste test rat-poison
  77. Start a company in your bathroom
  78. Hire yourself
  79. Give yourself a raise.
  80. Fire yourself
  81. Apply for unemployment
  82. Fake your death
  83. Fake somebody else's death
  84. Fake your life
  85. Spray paint air
  86. Defy the laws of gravity
  87. Get arrested for it
  88. Get high on life
  89. Get life on high
  90. Cross examine molecules
  91. Play with fire
  92. Believe that everyone you see is a hallucination
  93. Tattoo your ring
  94. Tout SPAM as the highest lifeform
  95. Find the ultimate answer to life, the universe, and everything
  96. But not the question
  97. Change your name to the same thing it is now
  98. Live a normal life
  99. Make a mountain out of an anthill
  100. Make a neutered chia pet out of an anthill
  101. Sue yourself for slander and lose
  102. Collect parking tickets
  103. Do not pass go, do not collect $200
  104. Take a break from doing nothing
  105. Freeze dry golf balls
  106. Be glad you're name isn't what it is now
  107. Be a pheasant plucker
  108. Be a pheasant plucker's son
  109. Only pluck pheasants until the pheasant plucker comes
  110. Raise stool pigeons
  111. Don't win the lottery
  112. Hail Mary
  113. Hail anybody you pass down the sidewalk
  114. Name your taste-buds
  115. Invent names for things that don't exist
  116. Prank call yourself
  117. Alert the police that you're being prank-called
  118. Stare down a carp
  119. Invent the wheel
  120. Don't believe in Cleveland
  121. Break into a dog house
  122. Breed exotic viruses in your fridge
  123. Breed Exotic refridgerators
  124. Argue with a statue
  125. Play hockey.... in your car
  126. Grease your glove compartment
  127. Lower your I.Q.
  128. Gift wrap your spleen
  129. Decide who lives
  130. Decide who dies
  131. Decide who does neither
  132. Inhale
  133. Exhale
  134. How about a combination of both?
  135. Pass yourself off as a cereal box
  136. Play baseball with yourself
  137. Play football with yourself
  138. Play with yourself
  139. Give yourself a 21 gun salute
  140. Find 21 people to fire guns
  141. Find 21 guns
  142. Bleach an albino
  143. Stare down your reflection
  144. Play hide and seek with God
  145. Complain he's not playing fair
  146. Lodge a formal complaint
  147. Play second fiddle
  148. Go skiing in Hawaii
  149. Destroy the universe for fun
  150. Lay eggs
  151. Hatch 'em
  152. Strive to fail.
  153. Be a sore winner
  154. Brick up your bedroom
  155. Invent cherry flavored cyanide
  156. Have a steak dinner... at McDonald's
  157. Have a Big Mac at Red Lobster
  158. Stage a ruthless takeover, at a penal colony
  159. Get ahead
  160. Put it back
  161. Castrate your TV
  162. Spill Milk
  163. Cry over it
  164. Be Goofy
  165. Be Donald
  166. Believe in yourself
  167. Find proof that you don't exist
  168. Be dead... for a day
  169. Tattoo the inside of your eyelids
  170. Practice living
  171. Give away items, for money
  172. Do everything you ever wanted.. against your will.
  173. Become a paradox
  174. Or, if you like, just one doc
  175. Rip out your vocal cords, talk about it later
  176. Commit suicide, regret it later
  177. Solve:

  178. Play Russian Roulette for money
  179. Clock how long a watch takes to reach an hour
  180. Bend the laws of nature in your favor
  181. Confess the crimes of society
  182. Make up exciting new exotic ways to blink
  183. Declare Ronald Reagan the Anti Christ
  184. Despise wall outlets
  185. Be suspicious of leaves
  186. Become mentally unstable.... for the fun of it
  187. Wear upholstery
  188. Evaporate Acid
  189. Curdle
  190. Toilet paper a toilet paper roll
  191. Go deep sea fishing in your waterbed
  192. Throw away a boomerang
  193. Duck when it flies back
  194. Take a shower in acid rain
  195. Take a shower.. your neighbor's that is..
  196. Debug your attic
  197. Discover sugar as a substitute for nutra sweet
  198. Pretend you're a car
  199. Give yourself gas
  200. Scream in agony .. for no reason
  201. White wash your dog
  202. Vibrate
  203. Get existential blues
  204. Become an athiest Jehova's Witness
  205. Go on a murderous psychotic bloodbath rampage.. in your mind
  206. Mentally undress yourself
  207. Go surfing .. in Kansas
  208. Probe your inner thoughts
  209. Probe somebody elses' inner thoughts
  210. Cease to exist .. for a little while anyway..
  211. Demand a refund on life
  212. Dribble ice cream
  213. Go to a funeral.. get dates
  214. Preserve spit
  215. Outrace light
  216. Seize the day
  217. Confiscate the night
  218. Learn British
  219. Challenge Satan to a tennis match.. for a tree's soul
  220. Breed mayflies
  221. Tear apart your speakers .. look for the woofer and the tweeter
  222. Call the dog pound.. ask for new woofers
  223. Call the morgue .. make requests
  224. Go to a stranger's wedding.. pretend you're the preacher
  225. Build your own coffin
  226. Install cable in it
  227. Steal billboards
  228. Masquerade as a door
  229. Sell levis.. at a nudist colony
  230. Loudly insult manhole covers
  231. Build a better mousetrap
  232. Test it on yourself
  233. Install a satellite in your refridgerator
  234. Blame yourself for starting World War I
  235. Bond with a toothbrush
  236. Run for president.. see if you can catch him
  237. Advertise
  238. Discuss the eloquency and socal impact that Beavis and Butthead have had on the nudist colonies of Zanzibar.... with your can-opener
  239. Stage a ruthless takeover.. of the American Red Cross
  240. Interface
  241. Invest in New Jersey.. with your neighbor's money
  242. Prune your cat
  243. Extract bone marrow
  244. Sell bathing suits.. in Alaska
  245. Turn Japenese
  246. Talk without using words
  247. Give away the ending of the Bible
  248. Give away the ending of the Encyclopedia Brittanica
  249. See if the fridge light goes out when the door is closed
  250. Order pizza.. command cheese
  251. Raise amoebas
  252. Raise the dead
  253. Go cow tipping.. a dollar will work, or try 5% tip
  254. Teach roadkill to play dead
  255. Go to archeological digs.. ask what's new
  256. Go to a morgue for fashion tips
  257. Go to Arby's .. ask for a Big Mac
  258. Paint the town red
  259. If red paint isn't available, use blue
  260. Tag and monitor all wild came you can find.. start at the zoo then try the pet shop
  261. Pick your nose
  262. Pick your butt
  263. But you can't pick your friends.. or your friend's butts.
  264. Huh huh he wrote "butt"
  265. Call the FBI.. warn them of the plot against Lincoln
  266. Co-found the state of paranoia
  267. Go to the gallows.. ask what's hanging
  268. Go off the deep end
  269. Fix things.. if you can't find anything that needs fixing .. break things
  270. Then fix 'em
  271. Mutate
  272. Vegetate
  273. Instigate
  274. Burn ice
  275. Push the button, Frank
  276. Wear a lampshade... to a funeral
  277. Give a hamster a hernia .. glue his wheel stuck
  278. Give your neighbor a hernia.. glue his car tires stuck
  279. Give yourself a hernia .. so you won't feel left out
  280. Give a giraffe a hickie
  281. Ravage a forest
  282. Obstruct traffic
  283. Speak intelligently on things you know absolutely nothing at all about
  284. Speak stupid and idiotically on things you know everything about
  285. Never finish sentences because that.....
  286. Make a (interrupt people) citizen's (I mean just butt in on people) arrest (and keep interrupting).
  287. Make life miserable for the direct descendants of Isaac Asimov
  288. Hire yourself out as a crash dummy
  289. Test the wattage of wall outlets... use a coathanger and your tongue
  290. Name and buy clothes for all your teeth
  291. Construct an accurate model of the empire state building, with rubberbands and dental floss
  292. Start a wildlife preserve .. in front of your house
  293. Remember that to win in the game of life, always load Park Place and Boardwalk with hotels (or was that the game of Monopoly?)
  294. Accuse life of being guilty of foul play, then dutifully confiscate it from all those around you.
  295. Ask why
  296. Why ask why
  297. BUD DRY!
  298. Go through life with the knowledge that somewhere sometime there will be a 747 with your name on it.
  299. Secure your house against alien invasion
  300. Be happy and contented that in reality the universe doesn't really give a damn about you
  301. Fight back! Don't give a damn about the universe
  302. Harbor illegal aliens
  303. Make your loved ones have a mortal fear of you
  304. Make the world your playground
  305. Make the interstate your shooting range
  306. Go bungee jumping with lemmings
  307. Join the Canadian Mafia
  308. Just for fun, reroute your neighbor's sewage water to the clean water
  309. Despise your shadow
  310. Become aware of your tongue, you know, the way it's just laying there, inside your mouth, all wet, bumpy, etc.
  311. Constipate
  312. Disassemble your car, piece by piece (doesn't really have to be *your* car...)
  313. Gather all the pieces
  314. Take them to your living room
  315. Reassemble it.. then drive to your bedroom
  316. Build a working outhouse.. with Legos
  317. Do a 360 degree on the highway.. not necessarily with your car... remember, it's stuck in your hallway... because you tried to drive to your bedroom..
  318. Worry wombats
  319. Scare cylinders
  320. Spook simians
  321. Infiltrate Indonesia
  322. Agitate Algaria
  323. Erase Uranus. .. OUCH
  324. Huh huh he wrote "Uranus" huh huh
  325. Give your stereo an inferiority complex
  326. Add a new word to your vocabulary every day.. start with words you already know
  327. Force your beliefs on those you know.. you know.. just like school does/did
  328. Still aware of your tongue?
  329. Wallpaper your room with SPAM wrappers
  330. But first, pry your car out of the hallway
  331. Make Rocky Mountain Oyster stew
  332. Share it with your good friends.. unless you want to keep them
  333. Plagerize the Necronomicon for a writing assignment
  334. Disable your nuclear warheads
  335. Get Socks the cat impeached
  336. Vandalize vandalism
  337. Coexist with Iraq
  338. Depants your preacher.. at a funeral
  339. Harrass baby seals
  340. Bring worldpeace to your neighborhood.. may have to dispose of your neighbors.
  341. Make fun of people from Turkey
  342. Rearrange the U.S.A., put the stupid looking states under Mexico.
  343. Lasso a moving Semi
  344. Hijack mobile homes
  345. Legalize murder.. from death row
  346. Invest in an electric chair
  347. Try it out on your little brother
  348. Just for fun, sneakily switch the driver's seat in your neighbor's car with the electric chair and wire it to the ignition
  349. Make your little sister try it out
  350. Think of an elaborate excuse for what happend to your siblings (Spontaneous combustion? Wondered to close to your derranged hamster?)
  351. Decorate your house with meat hooks
  352. Hide Maryland
  353. Regurgitate
  354. Feed your neighbor's dog... use poppys
  355. Explain how opium is good for weenie dogs
  356. Cheat in solitaire
  357. Challenge God to an arm wrestling match
  358. Lie on your driver's license
  359. Just for fun, wire a small nuclear warhead to the toilet of your neighbor's house
  360. It'll give him "a lift"
  361. Appologize for trying to "entertain" your neighbor
  362. Run from his chainsaw when he starts chasing you
  363. Watch ice melt
  364. Rearrange your molecular structure
  365. Shadowrun
  366. Get Bill Cosby to join the KKK
  367. Drill holes in your guns
  368. Rough it
  369. Teach cripples to pole vault
  370. Bounce bricks off of Pavarotti's belly
  371. Become the "Human Pinball Machine"
  372. Intimidate old ladies in laundromats
  373. Soup up your neighbor's car.. try Cambell's Cream of Chicken
  374. Hey! Never underestimate the power of soup!
  375. Call 900 sex numbers from a church
    Don't try most of these at home.. or anywhere.. unless of course you *want* to get into trouble
    Meant in good fun.. don't take any of this seriously..
    and don't try to sue us.. we don't have any money.. {--- you can take that seriously)