When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank! 
Your biggest ambition in live is to "git thet big'ole coon. 
  The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn..." 
Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them. 
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents 
  of the Beurau of Alcohol
Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if 
  you can loose them or not. 
You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is! 
Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end" 
"Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking
  brake set?" is what you hear right before you and your wife/girl
  make love. 
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him 
  around in. 
You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...) 
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top. 
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds. 
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed. 
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold. 
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers. 
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars. 
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over
  your fireplace.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car. 
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deerhunting. 
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard. 
The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low 
  Places' 
It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it. 
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray 
  are the three of the primary colors. 
You ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to
  defend your sister's honor. 
You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!" 
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray. 
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just the men. 
Yer mom calls ya over t'help, cause she has a flat tire...
  on her house. 
The ASPCA raids yer kitchen. 
You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so 
  you can get grandma a new plug of tobacco. 
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle. 
You can't get married to your sweetheart cause there is a law 
  against it. 
You celebrate groundhog day ('cause you believe in it!!) 
You've been on TV more than five times describing what the 
  tornado sounded like. 
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch 
  something! 
When you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" it reminds 
  you to pull up your jeans. 
Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place
  consists of taking the wheels off his doublewide 
 (in memory of Chris "No House" Skowronski)... 
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction 
  in your home town. 
You wake up with both a black eye and a hickey. 
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank 
  of gas in the truck. 
"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night"
  at the local bar. 
Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've
  got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock. 
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school. 
You're moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing 
  "I Will Always Love You". 
Dolly Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons'. (of course this
  is a very sophisticated redneck joke... if you laughed...
  you must be a redneck, only they will get this one.) 
You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet 
  item. Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy 
  Center. (Clinton true-life story) 
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway
  Twitty record collection (you insurance man is one too if he 
  pays you for it). 
You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight 
  with Alan Jackson. 
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education. 
You ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!" 
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub. 
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting 
  events. 
You ever parked a Camero in a tree. 
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair. 
Your dad is also your favorite uncle. 
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending 
  on how much gas it has in it. 
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to
  the restroom was flooded. 
On your job application under "SEX" you put "As often as
  possible". 
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom 
  together. 
You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when 
  it gets light. 
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys 
  to the tractor. 
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?" 
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen. 
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are 
  "Gentlemen, start your engines." or "Play Ball..." 
Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart 
  shoppers!". 
Your wife's best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings. 
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your 
  car hood. 
You bring your dog to work with you. 
You ever took a six pack to a job interview. 
You can belch and say your name at the same time. 
You ever put oil or anti-freeze in your truck in a
   K-mart parking lot. 
You wear your ball cap when you eat in a restaurant. 
You sit up all night with a sick dog, but make your wife 
  stay up with a sick kid. 
You ever ate roadkill for dinner. 
You have to honk the horn to get the chickens out of the 
  driveway when you come home. 
You get mud on your tires when you visit your mom. 
You painted racing flames on the John Deere. 
You can fart the first six notes of the Star Spangled Banner. 
You can talk for more than 20 minutes on the difference 
  between squirrel and rabbit stew. 
Any family discussion of chicken and dumplings turns to 
  Aunt Edna's cooking and ends with a few moments of respectful
  silence. 
You have scars on the back of your hand where Uncle Jeb 
  stabbed you while you were reaching for the last piece of
  fried chicken. 
People come to your house to ask if they can hunt on your 
  front lawn. 
Your bike has a gun rack on it. 
The UFO hotline limits you to one call a day. 
Your grandmother has ever stopped by the side of a highway 
  to take a leak. 
You ever had sex in a sattelite dish. 
You go to a bowling alley that has valet parking. 
You are known for your homemade squash wine. 
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and 
  heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida. 
You wrote in Richard Petty's name on a presidential ballot. 
Your watchband is wider than any book you've ever read. 
You hit a bump in the road and lose half of your worldly
  possesions. 
You ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of 
  bridge clearance restrictions. 
Your father fully executes the "pull my finger" gag during 
  Christmas dinner. 
Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of ketchup. 
After removing the empty beer cans from your car, you find 
  that it gets fifteen more miles to the gallon. 
Someone asks to see your marriage license, and you have to 
  dig through the floorboard of your GTO. 
You know which leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper. 
The Health Inspector visits your mothers restaurant and asks 
  to see the body fluid clean up kit, and she points at the dog. 
Your name is Junior, Junior. 
Anyone in your family died right after saying "Hey, 
  Y'all watch this!".