The Rules of Parenting
Today I did a terrible thing. I broke one of the fundamental rules of parenting.
I publicly embarrassed my child. That's right. Right there, in public, at his best
friend's birthday party, I did this terrible thing. I called my 9 year old son......
"BABY".
What in the world was I thinking!!!! As he scrambled up out of the pool, and onto the deck, I called out,
"Did you have a good time, Baby?" A look of horror filled his eyes, as he sidled across the deck and into
the house to get his things. "Oh dear," I said to the best friend's mom, "I called him Baby in front of everyone."
"Oh that's nothing," she said, "I called him Baby earlier. I told him that I was sorry but he just has to understand
that's how it is with moms." Called Baby in public twice in one day!!! How did he ever survive it?
I had, of course, publicly embarrassed him before. Like at last year's school sleep over. There we stood in his classroom, my son, his teacher
and me, and I said, "Look, since there are no other kids around, I'm going to kiss you goodbye." His jaw dropped, his eyes rolled. His teacher said,
"I won't look." And went a discreet distance across the room, her back to us. "Just hurry up!" said my son, in his most aggravated tone. I gave him a
kiss that nobody saw. He was as red as a beet, but I got my "Mom" way and left happy.
I guess I should be more understanding. I remember being a very mature 12 years old, hanging out on the playground with a boy I had a major crush on. My
Aunt Frances came along and yelled, very loudly, "Hi Heidi-baby!" She had always called me that. And it was ok at home. But right in front of Jeff!!!!! On
the playground of my school!!!! I was mortified. She immediately said she was sorry, but the deed was done. I doubted that I'd ever be able to show my face at
Fort Trumbull Grammar School again. Ever. And of course, when I reached high school, like all teenagers, I magically became one of those self-propagating creatures.
That is, I had NO parents that I was willing to admit to. Neither did any of my friends. We loved our parents privately, at home. But be seen with a parent in public?
At school? In front of our friends? That was a horror too great to even think about.
Of course, I survived it. And I imagine that my son will too. Sometime, in the distant future, when he calls his child
"Baby" in public, we'll even laugh about it. Funny how the rules change with the role. I now talk in "Momisms". I say and
do things I swore I would never, ever do. But they work. And they help. And I think I have a pretty good kid, in spite of
all the "humiliations" he has had to bear. I believe in my heart, that when he looks back, he'll realize that those humiliations
were just cause and effect of a mom who loves him. And that they could have been much worse, if he had a different kind of mom.
A mom who had a different set of rules.
The First Rule of Parenting is that there really are no rules. Now, before you go jumping up and down on me, yelling out
your rules, hear me out. Of course you should never beat your child. Of course you should not verbally abuse them. Or abuse
them in any way. But those rules apply to all of society, not just to YOUR relationship with YOUR kids. You shouldn't beat or
otherwise abuse ANYONE. Period. No, I'm talking specifically about the rules of parenting.
The first thing to remember is that you do not get a set of instructions when you get a child. I don't care how many "how-to" books
you have on raising children. No two kids are alike and no one expert's rules are going to apply to every kid. What works on one, will
most definitely NOT work on another one. Your child, for example, may have no problem being called "Baby" in public.
My "Big Guy", however, doesn't like it one bit. And let me know it in no uncertain terms.
No, there is no instruction manual, no set of blueprints, no schematics to follow. When things go wrong, you can't send him back to
the manufacturer for repairs. YOU are the manufacturer. Not the teachers, not your Pastor. You set the rules and right the wrongs.
And if you slip up and call your child "Baby" in front of his friends, well, someday, maybe 30 years from now, he'll forgive you for it
and remember that he had a parent who loved him so much that she forgot the rules.
Got this little cutie from IL sister, Missi
