What If Boulevard
One day, some friends and I were taking a walk down What If Boulevard. You know the road I mean. What if I had taken this turn or that. What if I'd followed that path instead of this one. We'd all received that e-mail about having the chance to go back 25 years and change your life. Would you? Both my friends emphatically said,
yes
! And frankly, they thought I was crazy when I said no.
Where would my journey have led me if I'd taken all those different paths and crossroads along the way? Well, let's see.........
30 years ago:
If I'd taken that cross-country trip and just "run away"......
25+ years ago:
If I had married at 21 years old............
23 years ago:
If I had accepted that offer of internship at a national magazine, although it paid nothing and I couldn't afford the train fare.......
20 years ago:
If I had left the company I worked for, to work for the one who begged me to please, please come to work for them..........
15 years ago:
If I'd left the town I'd lived in for so long and started over in a new state............
11 years ago:
If I'd said no instead of yes...........
6 years ago:
If I'd never decided to start my life over in a new place, surrounded by people I didn't know and a culture I didn't understand.......
What If Boulevard always ends at the dead end of Who Knows. For example, maybe if I had taken that internship, I'd be famous and financially comfortable. Certainly, 11 years ago if I'd said no, well, my life would be very, very different. And if I'd never left my home state?
Not that I never take a little side-trip down I Wonder Lane. But I know what I would
not
have, if I hadn't followed the road I did.
I wouldn't have my son. Single parenting isn't easy, and he is a
very
challenging child. He is also the joy of my existence and my life would be a black hole without him.
I wouldn't have had to struggle along all these years. Yes, it's been difficult, to say the least. But it has given me strength, renewed my faith, and helped me to see that, really, anything
is
possible.
I wouldn't have learned to love unconditionally, even when everything is against it. I wouldn't have had my heart broken so utterly. But even a broken heart has a gift hidden in it.
I would never have met the small circle of strong women who have become my dearest friends on earth, who carried me through the darkest moments of recent years. Who still lend me shoulders to cry on, who don't criticize and judge and condemn. I simply cannot imagine what life would be without them.
As in the song, My Way, "regrets, I have a few, but then again, too few to mention." But they are there. Things I shouldn't have said, things I should have said......... Actions I should or shouldn't have taken. Little things that may have altered the path I'm on. Or at least made it smoother. But, in spite of the bumps and bruises, the potholes and stumbling blocks, I have to trust that the road I'm on is still the right one. And no, I wouldn't go back 25 years and change anything. I'd have far too much to lose.
Thank you my dear friend Lily! The violets are lovely!