Boom Boom BOOM

Boom Boom BOOM

By Lemmy Koopa

One day Boom Boom, Bowser's favorite servant, was upset because Roy had reduced him to laundry duty.  Some servants would have been thrilled to get to do the Koopa's laundry, but Boom Boom felt he was beyond that.  As the clothes spun around in the dryer, Boom Boom began to think about the cycle of his life.  "I am doomed to remain at this level as a member of the Koopa Clan," Boom Boom realized.

"My only chance for advancement is to go out into the world and get an education, then use it to advance up the ladder." So that evening Boom Boom took the laundry out of the dryer and brought it to Roy, but then he threw the basket over Roy's head and announced he was quitting. Roy insisted that Boom Boom could not quit, since he was now fired, but Boom Boom knocked Roy out and stole some money. Then he left.

Boom Boom was able to use the credentials he earned from being a high-ranking Koopa servant (and some bribes to the right people) to get into a prestigious college, DAD (Drink And Drive) University. Four years later, he graduated with a Ph.D. in Business and Management.

Boom Boom got a job in a company that made Orange Soda. He started in the mailroom, but soon his overseers' saw how motivated and competant he was, and decided to actually look at his resume. Another year passed, and Boom Boom found himself the billionaire CPO of the most prosperous company in the known universe.

Bowser was astonished at how rich Boom Boom was. He was so greedy that he sold the entire Koopa Kingdom to the billionaire for 53 million dollars, which was only pocket change to the rich CPO. Then Boom Boom fired Bowser, executed the royal family, and had tea.

Boom Boom thought that he might retire soon and spend the rest of his life on his private tropical island, The Island Formerly Known as Yoshi's Island. However, he was wrong.

"I'm thirsty!" pouted Mario.

"Go drink fireballs!" snapped Luigi. Then Mario did. Then Luigi decided he was thirsty.

"I think I'll go have some orange soda." As luck would have it, Boom Boom's factory was right near Mario's Pad. Mario and Luigi took the bus for the 5-yard walk, and then they went inside. Luigi decided he was too important to buy soda from just anyone, so he demanded to see the "head honcho". Mario shrieked when he saw Boom Boom approach with a large bottle of soda.

"He stole our soda!" he cried.

"And I thought the Koopas were gone!" Mario screamed.

"I thought so too," argued Luigi. Before Boom Boom could say anything, the brothers pounced on him, 1... 2... 3 times.  Luigi grabbed the soda and ran, but Mario got stuck in a garbage pail. Then Boom Boom exploded.  Therefore, in this story, Boom Boom, Mario, Bowser, the Koopalings, 90% of the Koopa Clan, Yoshi, and Toad all died. And when Luigi opened his soda, it spurted up all over him.

The End

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