"The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government concluded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as 'EuroEnglish'."

• "In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".
  Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.
  Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k".
  Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

• "There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" sound will be replased by "f".
  This will make words like "fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

• "In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to arrive at the stage where more komplikated revisions are possible.
  Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, that have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"-s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

• "By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v".

• During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar revisions vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

• "After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.
  Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understandon anozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru."