Excerpts From The Space Corps Directives Handbook No. 003: By joining the Space Corps, each individual tacitly consents to give up his rights to inalienable rights to life, liberty and adequate toilet facilities. No. 1742: No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee. No. 7713: The Red Dwarf log must be kept up to date at all times with current service records, complete mission data and a comprehensive and accurate list of all crew birthdays so that senior officers may avoid bitter and embarrassing silences when meeting in the corridor with subodrinates who have not received a card. No. 196156: Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bike in the women's gym will be discharged without trial. No. 39436175880932/b:(All nations agreement) All nations attending the conference are only allocated one car parking space. No. 592: In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be granted to whichever officer can program a VCR. No. 34124: No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity. No. 997: Work done by an officer's doppleganger in a parallel universe cannot claimed as overtime. No. 349: Any officer found to have been slaughtered and replaced by a shape- changing chamelionic lifeform shall forfeit all pension rights. No. 7214: To preserve morale during long-haul missions, all male officers above the rank of First Technician must, during panto season, be prepared to put on a dress and a pair of false breasts. No. 723: Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating Swindon. No. 1694: During temporal disturbances, no questions shall be raised about any crew member whose timesheet shows him or her clocking off 187 years before he or she clocked on. No. 43872: Suntans will be worn during off-duty hours only. No. 147: Crew members are expressly forbidden from leaving their vessels except on production of a permit. Permits can only be issued by the Cheif Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from issuing them except on production of a permit. No. 1743: No registered vessel should attempt to traverse an asteroid belt without deflectors. Robert Barbour 101712,712