Please remember that these are suggestions of things that make sense to me. I have used these techniques and they have worked with some degree of success. Just because they have worked in a handful of cases with me, does not mean they will work for you. I offer them here for you to weigh the merit that they may have in your particular situation. Ultimately you are the only one that can judge what is the best course of action for you to take.
Telling others that you are a witch is not something that should be done lightly. Some people think we are a bunch of freaks. Others believe that what we are doing is evil and the work of the Devil. Some of these may try to save our souls by preaching to us, and yet others believe we should die because of what we believe. Many believe that as witches, we are unacceptable to be teachers, scout masters or anyone else who interacts with children. Witches have had their windows broken, homes burned, been attacked and even killed because of their beliefs. The question of going public is not on to be taken lightly.
The one thing I am happy to report is that the law is on our side, at least on the books. I know of no place in the English speaking world that still cling to their anti-witchcraft laws. In the United States and most places, it is a protected right. We have freedom of religion and may worship, as we feel right. Unfortunately, the people of the community sometimes ignore these rights. They fear witches out of ignorance. When we try to educate them about our beliefs, they try to convince us that we are just being fooled by the Devil and really practicing Satanism. These people are close to impossible to reason with. It is illegal to discriminate in the US based on religion, but it happens all the time when witches are concerned.
So should I tell anyone I am a witch, and how should I do this? There are many concerns that need to be addressed and many questions that we need to ask ourselves first. It is kind of a "which came first, the chicken or the egg" type situation. Our concerns govern who we should tell, while who we tell may dictate what our concerns are. So which should we do? Should we look at what our concerns are, and then decide who to share our secret with? Or should we decide on who we want to know and then see what concerns surface in relation to our choices? Although my family does not know, I've told some very close friends that I am a witch. Experience has shown me that it is probably wise to address your concerns first. With this in mind, you may then draw up a list of people you may want to tell. After reviewing this list, see if any more concerns surface. When you can pass through this cycle a couple of times, without any new issues coming forth, then you are ready to contemplate the how's and when's.
Let us look at some of the concerns that may affect your decisions. They basically affect four different aspects of your life. The first is job or career, the next is your familial relations, the third is your positions within any community groups, and finally, your personal feelings. These are listed here in what is probably most people's order of importance. Your work place is probably the most important, since you need it to support yourself and possibly your family. Your Family, and your relationships with them, is probably close to your work place in priority. Some people may even put it ahead of work. Some of us are members of various organizations and serve in various capacities, which may dictate some concerns. These can include being a scout master, a volunteer fireman, member of a country club, or anything else that is not work or family related. Last, but certainly not least, some of us need to feel that everyone respects us. We find it hard to live with the thought that there are people who may hate us.
Let us look at the work place first. I will be blunt with you. Some people have lost their jobs because they are witches. Even though this is illegal, employers will usually find some technicality to dismiss you on if they want to be rid of you. In some cases you can even understand their concern. If they operate a place of business, the fact that you are a witch may drive away customers. If you work in a day care center, parents may pull their kids out of the program if they found out a witch was caring for their children. All of this may seem unfair, and it is, but it happens to be the truth. They may find out about your Witchcraft and then you are five minutes late for work. You are warned not to let it happen again. Two weeks later on your way to work, there is an accident on the highway and you are held up in traffic. This makes you a couple of minutes late again. Your boss fires you because you have been warned about coming to work late. Officially you are fired for repeated tardiness, but we all know it is because you told everyone a few weeks ago that you are a witch. Since then several people have shunned you. Some have even approached the boss and said that they will not work in the same office as you. You tried to give some material to the boss to educate him about Wicca, but it is just easier, and more economical, to be rid of you.
Families are the next area of concern. Your family's reaction may be one of several. They may think it is weird, but you will eventually pass through this phase. Some may want to know more so they can understand this part of your life. Still others may disown you, and this is not too unusual. Family members have been removed from wills and thrown out of their homes because they were witches. Some families have even sought court assistance to force psychiatric help on these people. Remember that it is not only the family as a whole that you need to consider, but each individual. The secret may be safe with a sibling, but you may not be able let mom and dad know the truth.
When it comes to other groups and activities, everything we've said so far may apply. There are just too many possibilities to go over here. Just remember that someone who is responsible for children, such as a scout leader, may be denounced for their beliefs. This may force them to step down for "the good of the scout troop." All groups are different, and only you can decide what applies in each specific situation.
I mention your own feelings as an area of concern, because for some people this matters. Some people are devastated if people do not like them. Others couldn't care less what people's opinions of them are. What is important to these people is what they think of themselves, not what others think. You need to do some soul searching and determine where you lie on this spectrum. You need to know yourself before you can worry about others and what they think of you.
If there is all this chance for abuse and heartache, then why tell anyone in the first place? There are many reasons. If you live with others, you may be able to hide your worship if you are careful. If you belong to a coven this may be easy. Things could be stored elsewhere and you never have to hold a Circle in your home. If you are a solitaire, then you may have to hide things. You will then need to leave the house and find a secluded spot in the woods to have your private Circle. You may also wait until you have the house to yourself for a few hours and then hold your Circle. In the first case, you are limited by the weather, and you can only have ritual tools that can be carried in a small knapsack. In the second case, you always run the risk of someone coming home early and discovering you. You also will have problems getting your opportunities alone to correspond with the Sabbats and Full Moons. By letting the family know, you can then put aside an adequate storage place for all of your ritual tools, robe, herbs, candles, etc. You can also ask to have time alone at the Sabbats and Full Moons. This could either be having the house all to yourself, or just being left alone and undisturbed in one room.
Telling others outside of your family has some merit too. If Witchcraft truly is for you, then it will become such a big part of your life that you will need to share it with someone. All true witches that I know feel that they are here to help their fellow man, or the Earth, in some way. Sometimes this is more satisfying if it is done on a personal level. Some of us get great joy out of healing or simply counseling someone after a Tarot reading. Certain people love to be able to consult a close friend who happens to be a witch. We as witches, love providing this help and usually do so free of charge. We love what we are, despite what closed-minded people think of us, and are proud to be witches among these close friends. There are some that would say I am a hypocrite for being proud on the one hand, but guarding my secret on the other. Putting my family through the verbal abuse and worse may not be fair just because I'm proud. Some witches have lost custody of their kids during divorce hearings, because the opposing attorney played the Witchcraft card to its best advantage. Pride is one thing, but we need to consider what is practical.
Some come out of the broom closet because they feel the need to go public. These people fight our cause daily. Many become authors, or own witch shops, and make a living from the Craft. Regardless, they tend to put themselves before the public and show what a witch really is. They may do interviews or appear on talk shows, despite the fact that these are usually hostile to the Wiccan community. It is often a frustrating environment to live in, but these brave individuals put up with the comments and abuse because they feel it is right. They are fighting for our rights. They are the ones who are the test cases in the courts. They are setting up the tort law that may someday save our jobs, or allow us to keep custody of our children. Some of these people do it only for the attention, and may not even be real witches deep down inside. But the true practitioners of the Craft, who endure this, deserve our utmost respect and gratitude. It is because of these bold individuals that some day we may all be able to practice our religion in public, and without fear of persecution.
We have reviewed the concerns that we may have in telling other about this special part of our life. Let us consider now, who to tell and how to tell them. One thing that may make a difference, that we have not yet mentioned, is the time you have spent practicing Wicca. If you tell your best friend that you have just recently begun this path, they may have all sorts of concerns about how it may change you. If you tell them that you have been a witch for many years, they may realize that you are a wonderful person and friend. The fact that you have been a witch has obviously not mattered all these years, why should it start now just because they know. Please keep this in mind when you tell anyone. Before you tell anyone, be ready to face the consequences should they not accept it well. Not only could this jeopardize the friendship, they may tell others and spread the word.
You may want to take into consideration how open minded someone is religiously. If you don't already know how someone stands on religious matters, you may want to broach that subject first. Another consideration should be whether or not they can keep a secret. This you probably already know. They could be the most open-minded and loving friend that you have, but if they can't keep a secret, it may not be wise to tell him. You may also find that you have a friend that will sympathize with you for other reasons. They may be the subject of persecution themselves and be able to relate. The first friend I told was a lesbian. We were very close, and I was one of the few people who knew her secret. She was a natural choice for me to share my secret with. Since then I've shared the fact that I'm a witch with another lesbian. Gay people have much in common with us, since they too are often persecuted out of ignorance.
We will now assume that you want to tell someone and you have considered everything that we've talked about so far. How do you do it? I recommend that you tell them briefly about your religion before you put a label on it. A good idea may be to have a copy of Scott Cunningham's The Truth about Witchcraft Today. After you briefly explain your religious beliefs, you can produce the book and ask them to read it. Impress upon them how important it is to you that they fully understand this part of you. When they are done reading the book, have them ask you specific questions. You may want to show them this web site and let them know that we will answer questions about Witchcraft. After this you will need to follow your intuition about how to proceed. Maybe having them attend one of your rituals would be in order. By the way, I try to recover the Cunningham book after someone is done reading it, so I will have it for the next person I tell. Even so, I have been through four copies of it. I can only hope that they are making the rounds and educating people.
One particular case needs to be looked at. When to tell someone you are dating. Hopefully, this may be someone you may choose to spend the rest of your life with. Should you tell them at the beginning, or wait until later? If you wait too late, they may take your not telling them as hiding a secret. They may even feel betrayed and wonder if you are hiding anything else. One way that seems to have some merit is to do it gradually, without ever putting a label on it. After a few dates if you feel there is some chemistry there, start inquiring about their view on religion. It will only be natural for them to question you about yours. Answer their questions honestly, but don't put a label on your beliefs. Tell them that even though you were brought up Catholic, or whatever, that you can't conform to organized religion. Tell them that you believe in an omnipotent force that most people call God, it is just that your view of God is your own and somewhat unique. At a later date, when the subject comes up again, try explaining that you see God as having both male and female characteristics. To hold God to just male attributes would be to limit that which, by definition, is limitless. I think you begin to see the process. At no point would you lie, but hold off putting the name of Witchcraft or Wicca to it. Eventually you will need to have the Cunningham book ready and proceed from there.
Telling families may take several forms. You may tell each individual separately like in the friend and dating examples above. You may also choose to hold a family meeting. I can't tell you the best way to proceed. There are too many variables and each family member needs to be assessed individually. If you have no other indicator, you always have your heart and your intuition to fall back on.
Some one may confront you someday and ask you if you are a witch. They may have picked up on some clue and are now confronting you with this. I like the Ray Buckland approach to this situation. Turn the tables and put them on the defensive by asking them what they mean by the word 'witch.' Use your imagination to reply to their answer. If they seem to understand exactly what Witchcraft is about, you may decide to answer in the affirmative, or again you may not. If their definition is lacking, you can tactfully correct them before deciding to answer yes or no. If you are still unsure, you may be able to duck the question altogether. Often these conversations go off on a tangent and the person asking will completely forget about their initial question. There are many wonderful tips on the subject of telling people you are a witch in the following books:
I have one last bit of advice. You must protect yourself of course, but people may surprise you. I had a friend who teaches an extracurricular activity to children after school. Her pentagram became visible and one of the kids saw it and asked about it. In front of all the other children, and many parents too, she gave a brief description of her religion. To her surprise, no one even flinched. She had been accepted for what she is. She never mentioned that any parents pulled their kids out of the program after that, so I think it is safe to assume that there were no repercussions. Don't assume that everyone will be against you. There will almost always be supporters. At the very least, you should be able to find people who don't seem to mind.
I can't tell you what is best in your particular situation. I can only pass on some things that seem to make sense. I can add to it that some of these ideas have been used with success, but that doesn't mean that they will be successful every time. It doesn't mean that they have to work for you. You are the best judge of what is the wisest course of action in your own particular case. If you decide to tell someone, you may e-mail us and share the method and results, if you like. It may even be a method that is different from anything here. You can reach me at myrd@hotmail.com.
In closing, I just want to say that the world is not a fair place. We should each be free to practice our religions as we see fit. As long as any witch has to fear discrimination because of their religion, our fight is not over. Witches still loose jobs, custody of their children, and are denied other rights. The law may no longer be hunting us down, and we may no longer have to fear the noose or the fire. But as long as we still suffer the indignities that I have discussed, can we really say that the burning times are over?
