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How to jam when you’re pissed


A few bevies seems to have the opposite effect on most people to the effects when driving a car. After a few pints, instead of being proverbially "all over the road", you become very quick thinking and winding people up becomes second nature. Totally natural, in fact. Some people don’t even need a drink.

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To any insult or one-liner, a reply becomes easy, and throwing the ball into their court, very simple. Some people are naturals, after all, it is a skill. Some people, however, need education. There is nothing cleaver in telling people to ‘fuck off’, and usually this is water off a ducks back. The skill is in getting there confidence and then destroying it. Build up their ego and then blow it away!

Use a false callsign, G3DOG, the name is Rex and the QTH is Barking, or the name is Axle and the QTH is Greece. They bite every time, especially the ‘old school’. Everyone else is usually in hysterics and when they realise they are the butt of the joke, they get abusive. This then becomes a bigger wind-up and they get more abusive. Keeping it going is the skill. More alcohol and you’re away, this can wind the repeater up into the early hours of the morning, especially on a weekend.

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11.00pm, pub chucking out time, and they may also be pissed (two halves of shandy usually), this means they’re easier to wind-up, shorter tempered and louder mouthed. The majority of these ‘repeater junkies’ do not have, and have never kissed, a girl, and are very sensitive to this fact.

"My girlfriend asked me to kiss her somewhere smelly, so I took her to Grimsby!".

Insults are OK if they’re clever insults, usually with humour. This then becomes entertaining for other listeners. Alcohol helps in achieving this. I’ve found that Cannabis does not do much in this context, it just makes you laugh too much and makes it difficult to find the microphone.

Obviously, with the drink-driving laws the way they are, you must be careful. I’ve found that if you’re driving through country lanes and small villages you’re pretty safe. Towns, on the other hand, and London in particular, are very risky. You have to choose your area bearing this in mind and your route accordingly.

Travelling when other cars are on the road, i.e. rush hour, also cuts down the risk. An ideal situation for a copper is a main road at two in the morning by a roundabout. You are slowing down and the only car on the road. If he’s bored he’ll pull you.

If he sees the rig, make sure you have a license otherwise it could get tricky. If the radio is turned off, he probably wont mention it because it’s probably not what he’s looking for. You don’t have to produce the license, you could of left it at home. You just have to see and play it as it goes. Most police are not well up on wireless acts. They are more involved with criminal law.

The type of car you drive and how you drive it may also attract attention. In the early hours of the morning, cars that are stolen easily, are the ones that attract the most attention of the police. You can listen on police frequencies in your area, usually on VHF in and around London, and UHF for the rest of the country, although some police use VHF outside London and some use both. Again surveillance of these frequencies can always be useful to let you know if they’re bored or not.

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If they’re busy you can relay their messages through the repeater. This winds the hams up into a fervour and doesn’t cause any problems to the police comms.

If you have 100 watts mobile, you can broadcast continuously and be fairly sure that your beating most people in. If you have only 10 watts, you have to choose a decent site or use tactical jamming techniques.

This means comments and interruptions between overs. They do not know who is who, so you can call ‘break’ and be let in. If they hog the repeater they are effectively jamming it anyway, because not even legitimate users can use it, so they’re doing your job for you. G3TCO used this technique and didn’t realise it. He’s now dead because he had a heart attack due to the stress he received from the repeater GB3SL. I believe he died microphone ‘in hand’. A true Viking!

It shows you how serious some people take this mundane topic.

Another alcohol induced incident was a suicide by a ham. He came on the repeater saying he was going to kill himself. He got no sympathy from the jammers who said he didn’t have the bottle! The hams were trying to persuade him not to, but they kept on being jammed by the squeakies who were taunting him. He was found the following day by police in his exhaust filled car.

I believe his wife had left him or he had a business failure or something. I don’t think he was depressed because the repeater was being jammed, although some hams would come close to suicide because of it.

Some hams are so depressing to listen to, they have to be ‘jammed out’ to preserve life. They are enough to drive the sanest people to suicide, with their monotonous, sad, depressing drivel, mainly, I think, because they don’t drink!

" Me? I’ve got friends all over the world, I have...... . None in this country!"

Tony Hancock.

You often find that when you’re jamming pissed and after pub chucking out time, you get some anonymous back up. This is because some amateurs also like a laugh. They’re not all straight laced, train spotter types. Some are piss artists and will give active support, although they may not be out and out anti-repeater. Their involvement is usually sporadic, but it always helps and is always welcome.

Weather you give a damn or not or just like a laugh occasionally, I hope you find much enjoyment in giving your local squeaky a hand now and then. He’s probably as pissed as you are!