Initial Public Offering
on the International Over-the-Counter Marriage Market
Single Jewish Male, LP
100% of outstanding shares are available to the right retail investor
Suggested price: one ketubah (less the underwriter’s 7% cut of proceeds)
After a year in yeshiva, deliberately secluding myself from women, business,
and other time-consuming occupations, I have just launched myself onto the
global marriage market. I am looking for one (1) retail investor.
+ Corporate history
Baal teshuvah, founded 1970. Currently working and living in Jerusalem,
Israel, starting my own internet company. Enjoy: spending time with people
from whom I can learn, public speaking, teaching, writing, politics,
analysis, accomplishing goals. Former investment banker, strategy
consultant, and entrepreneur. Sports: weightlifting, jogging, biking, golf.
Vegetarian. Education: Ivy BA, Ivy MBA, 16 months at several major haredi
baal teshuvah yeshivot. 5'5" tall, black hair, brown eyes. Never married.
I wear a black kipah serugah. This may or may not be indicative of my
politics, preferred neighborhoods, wardrobe, tzizit color, or of which
hechshers I observe.
+ The firm was spun off from the parent companies 29 years ago.
French father, American mother, therefore halachically American. Both
parents non-observant, happily married for 32 years. One sister, dati, who
has outputted three children in three years of marriage. My sister and I
plan to compete to see who will have more children. ;)
+ For this IPO, the investment bank is targeting a special retail investor.
My future wife is, ideally, superior to me in every possible respect.
Fortunately, this is not so hard.
The only question is: will such a wonderful woman spend time with me?
My future wife is, ideally: Jewish, idealistic, of high integrity, committed
to continuous personal improvement, devoted to our family as her top
priority, self-confident, communicates well with a wide range of Jews and
non-Jews, ambitious in the realm in which she focuses her ambition,
intelligent, analytical, articulate, erudite, striving to avoid loshon hara
and vulgarity, non-materialistic, well-educated in Jewish texts,
well-educated in secular subjects, well-read, quantitative, modest in dress,
and athletic. And can leap tall buildings at a single bound.
+ The firm plans to expand rapidly and establish numerous subsidiaries.
I hope to have as many children as we feel we can handle. Between five and
twenty children, but no more than twenty. (Of course, since I've never
raised any children at all, I admit that I don't yet fully comprehend how
much work raising children can be.) Our children will have a strong
education, including all parts of the Torah -- the explicitly religious
(chumash, gemara, etc.) and the less explicitly religious (math, history).
Very strongly prefer single-sex schools for kids.
+ As soon as this IPO is completed, the company will move to new corporate
headquarters.
In our future home, I very strongly prefer to have no TV and few if any
movies, in order to protect the children, as well as the parents, from
pritzut and anti-Torah values. A well-stocked library, with books by
Rambam, N. Lamm, Halivni, C.S. Lewis, Covey, Dickens, Cialdini, Marx, etc.
(books listed in roughly descending order of holiness).
+ The firm has a policy of holding corporate retreats every seven days.
At our Shabbat table, I hope to have many Shabbat guests of diverse
religions and backgrounds. I particularly like hosting non-observant Jews.
A devar Torah by both my wife and me. Good food.
If interested in investing, or if you have suggestions of a potential
investor, please contact me@aish.edu (a shadchan). Finder’s fee happily
paid!