You Might Be a Jewish Redneck If ...
- You think that marrying your first cousin is not only permitted, but
biblically mandated
-
Your home is mobile and your sukkah ain't
- You have a gun rack in your sukkah
- your idea of Shalosh Seidos is a six pack of beer and some Redman
- Ad Lo Yoda applies just about every night.
- You think KKK is a kosher symbol
- You speak more English than your shul president
- You light Shabbat candles from your cigarette
- The only plant in your home is your lulav
- The only area on your lawn that is mowed is the spot where you burn your Chametz
- Your idea of bathing is using the mikvah
- Your siddur lists the Sabbath greeting as : "Shabbot Shalom Y'all"
- Your Shabbat suit was a blue light special at K-mart
- Willie Nelson sang at your Bar/Bat Mitzvah
- Your local scribe shoots his own parchment
- You've ever used the theme to "Rawhide" as a tune for the Kedusha
- You've ever fired a shotgun at the sound of Haman's name
- Your belt buckle is bigger than your Yarmulke
- You give Ma'aser from your spittoon
- A tish just ain't a tish without a bugzapper
- You've ever called the "Psychic Friends Network" to answer a halachic question
- When you hear the shofar on Rosh Hashanah, you let your hunting dogs loose
- You know what Barach to make when you see a UFO
- Your Rabbi ever yelled "Yee-Haw" during his sermon
- You think the mechitza is an Italian food
- You think a hora is a high priced call girl
- You keep a can of spray paint in your Tallis bag
- You wear a white hood for Havdallah
- You know which brand of grits have an acceptable Kashrut supervision
- If your Omer counting calendar has ever come up with three cherries in a row