The Unsuitable Suitor

By Ed James and Seaman Jacobs (6/13/63)

(A summary of the My Favorite Martian unfilmed script)

As Martin and Tim drive up to the house, the Martian telepathically detects an argument between Mrs. Brown and her teenage daughter Angela. Not quite used to the alien’s mental abilities, Tim remarks that one day "…your Martian mind is going to be arrested for illegal entry." Just then, Angela Brown runs from her house in tears. Mrs. Brown calls after her and she complains to Tim about how hard it is to be a mother. She then invites her tenants into her house to meet a Mr. Blake, a man who is apparently courting her. Martin tries to read Mrs. Brown’s mind but he can only find a jumble of thoughts, which include putting up a roast at 4 o’clock. ("What I need is a channel selector.") The landlady wants them to stay for tea with Mr. Blake, but her tenants beg off and leave, although Martin does open the door to mischievously tell her that it’s 4 o’clock. Mrs. Brown remembers the roast, then wonders how Martin happened to tell her the time at that moment.

Back in the apartment, the mind-reading Martian suddenly corrects Tim’s spelling while the reporter types. Tim wonders what will happen if he decides to stop thinking and Martin happily retorts that he likes to read blank verse. At the next moment, using thought waves, Martin detects Angela’s sobbing and he and Tim go to the backyard to have a talk with her ("…to go earn our Merit Badges," sighs Tim.)

It seems that Angela is against the idea of her mother marrying Mr. Blake. Tim tells Angela that being only 14 she’s no "talent scout for step-fathers" and besides, he gently points out, it is, after all, her mother’s decision. Angela only becomes more upset, and Martin tells Tim to go answer a phone or something. Taking the hint, Tim says, "If you don’t want me around all you have to do is to tell me to get lost." "Get lost." Martin tells him and Tim indignantly counters, "What kind of way is that to talk to a nephew?" But he does leave.

Now, Martin suggests to Angela that they analyze the situation from an adult perspective and he wants to know why she objects to Mr. Blake. Angela says that Mr. Blake is ‘freepy’-- freaky and creepy. Wanting to help, Martin decides to use his mind reading powers to see if Angela’s impressions are correct. He tells Angela to get her mother to invite them to dinner.

That evening in Mrs. Brown’s house, as dinner is over, Martin directs Tim to do "K.P." by helping Angela with the dishes.("Okay, Sarge," Tim sourly retorts.) Once alone with his landlady and her beau, Martin sets out to converse with Mr. Blake. During their discourse, Martin’s mind reading powers tell him that Mr. Blake is a fraud and involved with some kind of unscrupulous oil drilling project in Oregon. Remarking that the only oil in Oregon comes from salmon, Martin engages in some subtle questioning about the location and method of getting the oil, which Blake attempts to answer, finally claiming not to be one to bother with small details about his business. Martin exposes the fact that the oil is located in a national forest, where Blake could not possibly have the rights to drill. Blake retorts that Martin is practically calling him a liar to which Martin apologizes, saying it was purely intentional. Now angry and defensive, Blake storms out, declaring he hopes Mrs. Brown and "Mr. D. A." will be very happy together.

The scene brings Angela and Tim out of the kitchen and they want to know what happened. Martin just says Blake had to go have his oil changed. Returning to the kitchen, Angela is delighted by Blake’s departure but Martin is not through and he tells Tim to "Go scour a skillet!" while he talks to Mrs. Brown.

Crestfallen, Mrs. Brown admits to Martin that Angela seems to have been right about judging characters. Martin pats her hand, reassuring her that she is a handsome woman of vitality at the zenith of her femininity and should have no trouble finding suitors. In fact, he tells her, after all is said and done, she might find someone who has been right here the whole time.

Mrs. Brown brightens up, putting her head on Martin’s shoulder. "Oh, Martin-! Call me Loralee…"

The next scene takes place back upstairs in Tim’s apartment, as Martin, bewildered and dismayed, is unsure what went wrong. He had only meant to cheer her up, and now, he seems to be engaged to Mrs. Brown. Tim is amused by the situation, remarking that Mrs. Brown will be the first woman to go to Mars for her honeymoon . Martin pleads for Tim’s help, ("You want my help? " marvels Tim. "A mere Earth mortal with a puny backward mind?") Martin replies that it takes a puny mortal brain to understand Mrs. Brown. Tim suggests that he simply tell her the truth – that he never proposed. Martin irritably points out that he can’t break her heart like that, after ruining her relationship with Blake. Instead, Mrs. Brown must be the one to break off the romance with him. ("And why would any woman do that?") Martin sadly reflects to Tim, who then retorts to the Martian, ("-Especially with your magnificent modesty…"). But, then Tim has an idea—he’ll pretend to be the obnoxious nephew. ("Now you’re being modest!") Martin jokes with a grin.

So, marching downstairs to call on his landlady, Tim dumps a big bag of laundry at Mrs. Brown’s doorstep. He announces to her and Angela that since they are all going to "be one happy family", he’s sure Mrs. Brown will be glad to launder his shirts and do his ironing and mending for free. But unexpectedly, to Tim’s shock, she agrees, reasoning that Tim will be like a big brother to Angela and since he will be helping the teen do the kitchen chores, she’ll have the extra time to do more laundry.

Now back in his apartment, Tim is furious, telling Martin that "Aunt Loralee" also expects him to rent the guest room in her house so she can rent the garage apartment. Martin now decides to try to convince Mrs. Brown that he would be less than the perfect husband.

Sitting in the backyard lawn swing with Mrs. Brown, Martin explains that he has many foibles—that he would be "a jealous and demanding husband". He expects her to give up canasta and cater to his every whim. Also, he is a perfectionist…he can’t stand anything being out of kilter…a cobweb, a crooked painting…drives him to distraction. If she marries him, he warns, she will be busy as a bee and have time for nothing else but making sure everything in the household is perfect for him. Obviously, she will want to think over her decision.

"Think about it?" Mrs. Brown happily disagrees. She says that he is exactly the type of man she’s dreamed of. "Oh, Darling, you’re so masterful!"

Now we find Martin, Tim and Angela conferring at the backyard swing. Tim blames Angela for the mess; his Uncle Martin got involved because of the teen’s tears and Martin felt sorry for her. Angela thinks they are both mean because she doesn’t see why Martin would not want to marry her lovely mother.

Martin explains that he is not the right man for her mother, nor is he in any position to get married to anyone. Angela assumes that he does not have any money, which Martin admits, plus, he tells her that he would make her mother miserable. "We live in two different worlds..." (Tim gives a cough at this.) Accepting Martin's explanation, Angela then says she knows how to get her mother to dump Martin. Tim is skeptical. ("Oh, sure, a 14 year old genius!") Angela declares that by being a teen she knows what to do. She tells Tim to get lost, and then explains her plan to Martin.

The next scene takes place in Mrs. Brown’s living room. Martin is reading a book and Mrs. Brown is contentedly sewing. Angela is talking loudly on the phone. Martin finally tells Mrs. Brown to ask Angela to be quiet. She does so but the phone conversation still grates on Martin’s nerves and he orders Angela off the phone and to do her homework ("Homework! Everyone’s got someone and all I’ve got is homework!" whines Angela, "What’s a telephone for if you can’t talk on it?") The teen then storms upstairs. Martin announces that he intends to teach her some manners and not allow her to dress so sloppily. Mrs. Brown privately bristles at these remarks, but then she regains her humor, saying it’s just typical teen behavior. Now they hear music blasting from upstairs and Martin again reacts in shock, ordering Angela downstairs. The teen bounds into the living room, thinking there is a phone call for her. Martin criticizes the music and then orders Angela to stand up straight and declares that he intends to see to it that she behaves like a proper young lady.

Mrs. Brown quietly tells Angela to please excuse them. After the teen leaves, Mrs. Brown indignantly defends Angela's teen habits and declares she will not have her daughter’s spirit "broken by a crusty old bachelor" who’s not ready to be a father. ("I’ve heard Clyde Beatty speak nicer to a Bengal Tiger.") Martin pretends to be shocked at her attitude, but Mrs. Brown tells him to leave and "take his whip and chair with him." Also, to tell that nephew of his to take back his laundry.

Martin leaves, the image of a rejected suitor. But once outside, he gives a happy kick and whoops in delight. Angela meets him to confirm that he was dumped. "Like a load of wet cement!" he assures her and he congratulates her on having such a good plan, adding that she could work for the United Nations.

The next morning, Mrs. Brown shows up at Tim’s apartment, carrying a pamphlet. She tells Martin she wants to explain about yesterday; that while a mother has an obligation to a child, she also has an obligation to herself. Martin reads her mind and discovers, with appall, that she intends to send Angela to boarding school—"She’ll be happy," Mrs. Brown reasons, "and we’ll be happy!"

Tim hums the wedding march as he types and Martin is utterly aghast.

COMMENTARY:

This script, dated June 13, 1963 reflects the character change ordered by CBS, probably in May 1963. In the unaired pilot, Mrs. Brown’s daughter is 24 year old Annabelle who is very interested in Tim. Possibly uncomfortable with implications of the young bachelor having a beautiful single girl as a neighbor, the network changed Annabelle to Mrs. Brown’s visiting niece and Angela became Mrs. Brown’s teenage daughter. Her exact age is not given on TV, but in the first MFM comic book, Angela says she is 15.

Contrary to this version of Angela in the "Suitor" script, the filmed Angela in "The Matchmaker" and "Man or Amoeba", generally conducts herself with polite, respectful maturity, unlike the teenage personality in this script. However, she also displays a jealous streak due to having a crush on Tim O’Hara, who is unaware of her admiration.

Early publicity in July 1963 mentions the addition of Angela and hints at some domestic plots perhaps based on the story line of this script. But those ideas were dropped by the time filming started on the first 13 episodes of My Favorite Martian.

Email: jhharison@hotmail.com

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