A farmer had so many children,he ran out of names,so he started naming his kids after things around the farm.
The first day of school began, and the teacher asked each child their name.When he got to one of the farmer's sons, the boy replied "Wagon Wheel."
The teacher said..."I need your REAL name,son!"to which the boy replied,"It's Wagon Wheel,Sir...Really!"
The teacher,in a huff,said "Alright young man,march yourself right down to the principal's office THIS minute!"
The boy got out of his chair,turned to his sister and said,"Come on Chicken Shit,He ain't gonna believe YOU neither!"
A little boy came down to breakfast. Since they lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores.
"Not yet" said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.
He goes to feed the chickens ... and he kicks the chicken. He goes to feed the cows.. and he kicks the cow. He goes to feed the pigs... and he kicks the pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick the chickens, so you don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren't getting any milk."
His father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen.
The little boy looks up at his mother and says "Are you going to tell him, or should I?
A farmer had 5 female pigs and times were getting tough, so he went to the country fair to sell his pigs. At the fair, he came across a farmer who had 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The two farmers lived 60 miles away from each other so they agreed to each drive 30 miles, and find a field to mate their pigs.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5:00 am., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had left, and drove the 30 miles. While the pigs were going at it, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they're pregnant?"
The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, if they're in the mud, then they're not.
The next morning they were rolling in the mud so he hosed them down, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again. The following morning, MUD again!
This continued all week untill one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife and said, "Honey, look outside the and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field.
" "Neither one," yelled his wife, "They're in the station wagon and one of them is beeping the horn!"