Scooby-Doo (2002)
…

After the three Chemical X-ed girls departed from the screen did the scenery change to a breathtaking sweep of a snow-covered landscape. A majestic white bird swooped down from the sky and perched beside a cloaked figure looking upon the water valley at the foot of the mountains.

There was something on the bed. Something not human. He looked confused as he breathlessly inquired “Who are you?” Then the blue car, the blue old car. He was in it, along with his friend who was driving. At one point they turned around and screamed – For there was a train behind them!

That was all I had seen before, all that I had to go on. Yes, I had seen other things, things that were posted excessively in the past two weeks, and I had heard other things, but I wanted to see it synchronized with motion. See it I did.

It was very dark, so dark that it caught be off guard. Hadn’t this been before been for the quite young? Hadn’t the director been confirmed as not having a very imaginative directorial bone in his body? Nay, this disproved my theories… And I sat in my seat with my mouth open…

I saw them as they held their hands up high and threw them back down in a forceful manner.. And then someone flying across the room in a blinding flash of light… I saw him as he inched his way across the wall following a horrible, foul sounding voice… Then as he stood wondering in front of a large door as it opened, its handles slithering around like a snake (in fact, there were indeed snake-like figures on the door)… I saw he and his friend drinking liquids out of a jar, and he and his friend standing scared in the forest… I saw him writing in a journal, his words dissolving into the paper only to receive a mysterious answer written in the book itself… I saw a young man slightly off-screen prod on the head with a stick…

Then on a great statue he picked up a great sword and thrust it into the air in a pose much lambasted on by my friends and I (one of them correctly assessed it as a “He-Man” pose), and then, in a flash of light, the scene moved onto the movie logo… November 15, it said…

And then that unusual feeling of euphoria, such as one I’d never had before in the cinema for such a thing, was dead, killed by the oncoming of the company logo and the sound of false reggae blasting through the speakers of the theater… And then I knew happiness no more. ‘Tis a shame that Warner Brothers feels so obligated to force the innocent to see a film that otherwise would have generated good business, attachment or no attachment.

I found myself running out of the theater, faster than I had when I attempted to avoid the horror that was Faith Hill at the end of Pearl Harbor, found myself crying in pain when I had escaped the theater, found myself shuddering constantly and screaming at anything related to Scooby-Doo as I and my friends wandered aimlessly around the mall…

Thus, I have learned my lesson: No matter how much you may love the certain thing it is advertising, never go see a movie because of a trailer. Especially when that movie is Scooby-Doo.