_____WEDNESDAY APRIL 14, 2000: Father out of pills. He kept refusing for months to go to his appointments so he didnt get any pills. Now on Sunday he tells me hes all out. Of course on a Sunday when nothing could be done. And all his whining phonecalls to the many doctors he stood up repeatedly did not get him any sympathy from them. Hes still trying to bully everyone to give him what he wants while treating them like crap. Just like his sisters and some of their kids. What a fucke dup bunch of reptiles my fathers side of the family is. So yesterday I had to bring him all the way to the Edgar Street Medicakl Center so he could complain and whine and beg to them as they approached me about it and I dsaid, "Hey, its not my fault. I know hes supposed to come here. He just refuses. I cant physically force him as thats against the law". After making him suffer a bit they gave in and gave him another prescription which i then had to immediately run out and get for him in the rain,,,, I may go to watch that anti-WTO rally in Washington DC this weekend with some friends but my father ruined every single other trip I had planned since 1994 so who knows. the rally is on www.buchanan.org and www.a16.org and www.theamericancause.org. One group is right-wing and the other is left-wing,,,____ TUESDAY March 14,2000: Father called me away from here via phone yesterday as he wasnt feeling well. He wont today as its one of HIS days. For some 'strange' reason the only days that get interrupted by him are the three when I dont have to run around for him. The days that are my own from 11am to 4pm he often finds some excuse to take away. ,,, I was shocked last week to see Tori working at the York College Convenience store at night. Thats where Ive been most nights for years. Unlike my generation of female relatives or my fathers she hasnt been a rat. Of course, if she were not younger than I she might have been.,,, I took a break from writing this stuff. The period of late 1970 to late 1971 was the worst of my life and there is no good way to describe it and Im too burned out to think straight anyway. So I let it go for a couple of weeks. Damn! I forgot to work out today,,,Theres a whole new Haydn Planetarium. That was my favorite place to go to get away from people when I was a kid. It worked well until Lorallee and Vi came right into my room in 1964 and things have been screwed up ever since. I dont care how fantastic the new planetarium is, I miss my old hiding place away from cruel kids and unfeeling relatives,,, ______ Wednesday Feb,16,2000: New heating system in house expensive,,,,, Just got an email from E.Bott of my freshman year at college,,,,, Father a lot better today than yesterday,,,,, Starting to get bored with going to Starbucks at 1pm/2pm every Saturday but Ill keep it up for a while yet,,,,, New coffee house opened across from all-night Majestic Restaurant. had coffee in it today for first time. Will probably be my late morning stop on weekdays for a while,,,,, Im getting bored with writing my bio. Ive been at it daily for months. Wish I knew how to type. Ten years of college without even one termpaper,,,,, ,,,,, _____ VALENTINE'S DAY 2000 AD: This is Valentines Day, February 14, 2000. I never had a girlfriend on Valentines Day. By that time I always had enough of the crap that I had to take from the few women I bothered with and moved on. Oh! To have been born a rotten guy rather than one that had a conscience. The less one appreciated a woman of my generation the more she strived to be nice to you to get you to do so. No girl ever bought me any surprise present or threw me a surprise party or ever even thought of doing anything nice to me the way they do for the scuzzy guys that only wanted sex and dope. Relationships in my generation were one sided. Do a nice thing for a girl and she'd never do any for you and expected the nice things to keep coming. Be unromantic and never do anything and thats when they do for you. I wonder if the women of other generations were like that? I think it probably had something to do with my 60s generation being the 'sexual freedom' generation so sluts liked thugs. Not much room for one-woman men in that philosophy,,,, _____ CHARLES SCHULZ DIED. Born same year as my father, 1922. At his height 1966-1967 when I lived at Richards house. So many things happened that year; the one year I felt the most alone and pressured. The LIFE MAGAZINE I recall so well as it came out on the newsstands when I was going back and forth on the Greyhound and was in the newsstands with Snoopy and Charlie Brown on the cover was the March 17, 1967 issue (St Patricks Day) so it was actually out March 10, 1967. I then went to IU and in the back of the College Mall, the first Mall I'd ever seen, the middle of said mall between the Dept store and the 5&10 was the Hallmark place, comprised of stands with Peanuts all over it. I first got into Peanuts from Lou L (Now a daily writer for the NY POST!) and his friend Peter C. back in about 1962 when there werent hordes of Peanuts fans yet. I recall the moment we discovered the first Peanuts things for sale, a couple of moving head dolls, in the long window of the pharmacy on Ditmars Blvd between the JHS 141 busstop and Lou's home. Back then it was a shock as we thought our fandom was small as we were the ONLY three people we knew who were fans of the strip. Between 1962 and 1967 many millions came in after us. ,,,,, _____AGENCY ON AGING lady came by today to have my father sign papers and to tell him she is handing him over to someone else who he'll only see every six months, if he lives that long which may not happen.,,,,, _____I WAS ACTUALLY SICK for two days last week. First time that happened since before I got into weight-training and health in March 1983. Now I quit a year ago for this internet and I see my physical health must be a mess. I have to start soon all over again. I WILL get back into lifting and skim milk. Still hope of finding a DECENT woman for a wife but not if I look like crap,,,,, _____ I HAVENT SEEN VIOLA AND LOR in quite a while. Thats good. Now that I no longer have to pretend I like them, or rather pretend that I dont hate them, Im liable to explode in public. Being 'castrated' psychologically for 36 years causes a great deal of white hot hatred to pile up. My life would be nicely simplified if they would both go into Hell where such unfeeling, immoral, reptilian Things belong. I was watching SOUTH PARK last night and it was about a SUCCUBUS. It made me recall the supernatural Roman Catholic belief that boys like me were warned about when I was approaching puberty. A Succubus is an evil girl from hell who is supposedly sent up when a good Catholic boy who stays by himself like I did makes the mistake of missing Confession. The Succubus is then actually sent into his life and even into his own room to seduce him into evil and pull him out of the church forever. How interesting that on July 13, 1964 I was doing nothing but staying in my room as an only child, trying to keep away from the increasing corruptions of the neighborhood kids who were entering puberty and thinking of new corruptions and I had gone to church on July 12 but I missed confession. Then the very next day two strange females from Pennsylvania, one just happening to be my fathers older sister with the same nasty, dominating, unfeeling personality and the other a girl exactly two years younger than I with no decency, kindness, morality, or shame. And the two can enter at will into the room I hid from the dangerous world in from Feb 1959. And once they got in and got through with me I never returned to church again, I lost my place of safety forever, had to suddenly constantly move about from place to place for two decades, lost my studiousness for good, and was dominated by them via my cruel father for those decades. Were this the Middle Ages it would have been a perfect Succubi feat! Now when My father dies I'll have NO family.,,,, _____ TOM LANDRY DIED. Turned out to be the same old crap. He didnt turn decent until 1959 when he was old. Anyone can be decent over 30. The sincerity is when you are during your FIRST 30 years when its tough to be , not when youre old and have already wallowed in every filthy thing until youve had enough,,,,, _____ TIME TO GO HOME: Now 534pm.,,,,, _____