_____ YORK 1971____ :____ JANUARY/FEBRUARY 1971_____ : JANUARY 1971:___: New Years Day January First was a FRIDAY,,,, Now THIS was the worst year of my life. I had completely given up on ever becoming anything. I could see that it was all determined by money and how much money ones parents had. There had been no reward for my studiousness as a kid. All I had been doing was losing my youth while normal kids were having fun. I was a wreck. All I ever did was worry about accomplishing all the things that others and myself had expecte dof me since birth. Always trying to live up to what others expected of me and cracking more and more under the strain. I was no longer a good student but I was certainly not a happy young person either. I now figured it was pretty much all over. I saw no way to remember all the stuff I learned after Id be out for years from a subject so difficult. I saw no way to pay all these huge amounts of money, especially now that moving to York made my parents broke again. My ulcer wasnt going away by being out. All that was going to do would be to make it tougher if I did get back. My ulcer was still there with my worry and insomnia and nightly nightmares. And I didnt see how Id ever support myself or ever have a wife and kids as all money had to go towards college and not a social life. I pretty much said screw it. ,,,, I was still bored out of my mind and I could not find anyone I could relate to. Noone else in my family ever thought of going to college or ever being anything so they had no idea what I was worrying about. Other males were gone. Either to college themselves on their parents money in those rare-loan days or they went into the military. Dennis and Skip virtually vanished and they were no where near what I was trying to do intellectually. Dennis had no college interest and Skip took courses at York Junior College and got money from the state as grants while I scored much higher and got zero. ,,,, Took my daily walks downtown to just hang around,,, Maybe stopped by to see my mother at the York Bank,,, Took my Hannah Penn to Allen Field walks. Took my long walks to Mister Donut to nurse coffees until 3am and then walk back in the FREEZING cold. That was a bad winter. I think the Lincoln Highway Garage stopped staying open all night so my big excitement was to stop at the all-night Laundromat to get a machine coffee and warm up. I was the only one there at night and I walked that soliatry walk often. It was over five miles in the cold at 3am. A guess 3 to the laundromat and two from there to home. Must have done that about 25 times that January as there was never anything for me to do,,,, I started sending casette tapes back and forth to the guys at Briscoe. That was my biggest excitement of 1970-1971 in York. In those days you could mail them in the little plastic cases they came in for two stamps and an index card in side could be seen thru the case and flipped to send it back and forth. ,,,, Walked to malls,,, Cold War/Vietnam in the paper every day,,, Mailed and got Hallmark cards,,, I received a photo off a Frank Zappa album from Val in which he looks like a greaser. I put it on my third floor door. They also sent me a photo of it in the bathroom of their apartment (They moved into one and out of Briscoe at some time. It was probably not until Feb 1971, actually). ,,,, I also put a calendar with the dates checked off until I could return on the door with the other two things. All three things are there to this day, curling up. They probably did not actually go up there until Spring of 1971 yet the few months until my return seemed longer than the decades since then,,, I still drank at HOUSE OF LORDS downtown. At sometime in the future it turned into LORD DONSHIRES and then LORD BEFWICKS,,,, Still trying to get money for college and bothering my IU counselor. Nowadays any moron can get loans, but not then,,, I think loans by then were by the individual banks with rules by individual states. They werent really national loans yet and extremely tough to get,,, I thought of my dead dog every night when I went to bed,,, Still the Hippie era but York College almost non-radical,,,, Wondered if it was wise to leave the Catholic Church as I wasnt wild enough for the era,,, VW bugs were still big, Maybe Skip had his then,,, Girls wearing chokers then?,,, Still trying to figure out how to be all things for all people with no money,,, The 1971 SUPERBOWL was typical of 1971: worst one in history. Between Baltimore Colts and Dallas Cowboys. Nothing but fouls and mistakes and penalties. I watched it. I recall I was really sicjk that day. Naturally Baltimore won just like the baseball team won in October 1970. I had to hear all this Baltimore sports crap everywhere I went. They really got on New Yorkers here then. Unlike now, I was the only New Yorker around here then,,, No heavier Burden Than A Great Potential,,, On Sundays Id walk over to the EDGAR ST SHOP CENTER. Blue Laws then but BOOKLAND was open. There was also an A&P there and a fancy drugstore and the WEIS that is STILL there. ,,, I think this may have been when Dennis was doing all that shoplifting just 'for fun'. Figured! Any time I get to know anyone it always becomes a problem as everyone else around me does things I was taught from birth not to do. He got hundreds of dollars worth of gift certificates for BOOKLAND yet he still liked to shoplift from them. One day he has this big baggy coat and he slips the BASEBALL ENCYCLOPEDIA under the back! He then goes up to the counter with me and buys something small. He then walks right out with it. He eventually got caught sometime later at a newsstand at West Market and S.Newberry. I know that at one time he didnt show for something in Pa. and ran down to Maryland and another time he was wanted in Maryland so he ran to Pa. Once, he took a drink in Md and drove a car right thru a plate glass window. His first and last drink. Another time some drunk attacked him outside a bar and he hit the guy and the guy hit his head on the curb and died and he was wanted for manslaughter. Only with Ken and val did I ever find people who werent into getting in trouble,,, Had my wargames. Played with the Strat O Matic Baseball codes. Possibly played the game. Did I play my big metal hockey game?,,,, Parents always fighting due to money. My father was always doing anything he coukld to keep my mother and me intimidated. Always saying the most horrible things. Later hed say they were only words. Yet everyone had to watch anything they said to him. There were no 'verbal abuse' laws then. My mother was constantly scared. She'd say that she was always , "WALKING ON EGGS" where my father was concerned. He lived on almost nothing but sugary things and year slater I referred to his 'sugar fit temper' as hed go ballistic so quickly. Of course, the two bitches, Viola and Loralee could hide behind him. They were as reptilian and obnoxious as he was so they related to each other and against my mother and me. I wonder why else the filthy bitches thought they were getting away with it. Didnt they ever expect me to outlive my father? I guess evil doesnt look ahead,,, I'd see Bill and Steve a couple times a month, I guess. But not as much after missing the Sept 1970 trip as before. At some time they also went to COOPERSTOWN without me,,, I was at the Lincoln Hwy Garage on the way out one night. And some guy said to me that he never saw anyone as young as I so concerned with death as I was. That shocked me as I had just walke din, this guy, a stranger said something to me, I said a few sentences back, and thats what he came up with. I knew I was weird and depressed but didnt know I had gone THAT far down that people knew it immediately,,, If I went to the bar downtown for my two drinks or up to the North mall I probably stopped at the post office until midnight to stand alone in there and drink coffee out of the machine and hang around. ,,,, I spent a lot of time in the stacks of the MARTIN LIBRARY daily like a good nerd who didnt have a girlfriend. I had the same interest in girls as any 20 year old but they all seemed so jaded and wild compared to me. Nothing ROMANTIC about them. Nothing DECENT about them. No wonder the other guys just used them for sex. There was nothing there to love,,, But if I didnt have to worry about college I knew Id have a lot more leeway in life. I'd have a job in those days that they paid well. Id have a license and a car. id get around enough to find a wife and have a family. But college ended all that,,, My room was still on the 3rd floor where I was private. My father always tried to get me down to the front room on the 2nd but I always avoided it. ,,, Was this when Loralees husband John took me out to drink??? Or was it later? Couldnt have been too much later as I recall it was really cold. ,,,, Divorced women from high school still appearing. I doubt if a day goes by that I dont see women on TV whining about how their boyfriends and husbands beat the hell out of them and these guys are obviously evil and you can see it in their faces yet thats what those women wanted much more tahn any decent guy that would have treate dthem well. Young women are such evil sado-masochists. Evil to decent guys and to themselves. But loving to those males who are the least able to appreciate such things. I was learning that the hard way in the 60s and the return of all these defiled second-hand women confirmed it. I have seen no change since. 3-31-00,,, Friday January 1, 1971: Chilean Communist President to nationalize banks, cotton bowl- nd 24,tx 11,rose stanford 27,osu17, orange nebr17,lsu12, sugar tenn34,af13, ,,Jan3 Spker house McCormack retires-42yrs, glasgow soccer stands collapse 66 dead,, jan3-swiss to give usa bank acct infos, 1st proof of a crucifixion in israel, NFL champ dal17,sf10,, AFL balt27,oak17,,, JAN4 NIXON SAYS USA CAN NOW SEE END OF ITS INVOLVEMENT IN VIET WAR, Jan5-Nebr #1, LISTON FOUND DEAD,38,, jan7-1st MIRV installed, MASTERS/JOHNSON MARRIED,,, jan10-coco chanel dies,, jan11-NIXON SIGNS COOPER_CHURCH CUTTING HIS WAR POWERS,, jan12-big oil disc off Scotland,,, JAN16- BALTIMORE 16, DALLAS 13, SUPERBOWL,,, JAN 18- McGOVERN OPENS CAMPAIGN, U THANT WILL QUIT,,, jan19-Nixon stops cross florida canal. We spoke of this at UF later,,, jan20- bronco billy anderson dies,,, JAN 21-SENATE PRO-TEM RICHARD RUSSELL DIES,73,,, JAN 22- COMMUNISTS ATK PNOM PENH FOR FIRST TIME, NIXON STATE OF UNION STARTS FEDERAL REVENUE SHARING( GIVES FEDS CONTROL OVER LOCALS!!), jan 23- cousy,petit, saperstein in b-ball hall fame, MEL DANIELS OF INDIANA PACERS LEADS EAST OVER WEST 126-122 IN ABA ALL STAR GAME, MARTIAL LAW IN TUCSON- Univ of Ariz troubles,,, jan24-IU SWIMMER JOHN TINSDALE WINS SULLIVAN TROPHY AS #1 AMATEUR ATHLETE FOR 1970, IDI AMIN TAKES UGANDA FROM OBOTE,,, jan26-MANSON & 3 WOMEN CONVICTED OF MURDER OF SHARON TATE ETC,,, jan27: justice dept drops suit against LEFRAK if stops discriminating, NIXON TO DISMANTLE BIO WARFARE,,, jan31:3 ASTRONAUTS UP IN APOLLO 14 TO MOON, marquard, hafey, hooper, beckley, kelley, g.weiss, bancroft in bb hall fame,,, _______ ______ FEBRUARY 1971:___: February first was a Monday,,,, Woke up on third floor every morning,,, walked downtown,,, mother worked at bank,,, think my father worked at the national center for McCrorys loading trucks,,, Went downtown and hung around the 5&10s and big drugstores with their soda fountain counters,,, The stores were still nice but downtown continued to die as noone went there at night anymore and the factories near downtown kept leaving and the middle class was running to the suburbs since the race riots,,, Maybe ate some lunches with my mother,,, Sent those casette atpes back and forth to IU friends. really looked forward to the mail then as they were such good and humorous writers and talkers,,, Sometimes to the little fountain at Jackson/Sherman near my house. Still no college students living around me,,, Out to malls at night. ,,, Took the cottage place, hannah penn, poplar street, sherman st, allen field walk. Came back late the same way,,, Out to malls and Mr Donut at night and back via the stop at the laundromat all by myself maybe 25 times a month in the dark cold night bored out of my mind and just waiting,,,, I had been hoping to be able to return in FEbruary 1971 for that semester but that fell through and just made me more hopeless especially in the cold dark winter,,, 3-31-00 451pm,,,, 4-3-00: (Tonight I watch U.Fla on the big screen against MSU for NCAA b-ball title. Just because I went to UF. I also have to do my fathers bills and his CENSUS form. Naturally they sent HIM the 54 long one when his mind is a mess and he no longer has to do IRS so he doesnt keep records) In 1971 I also kept going to Hallmark and looking for cards to send friends. Real excitement for a 21 year old but I wanted nothing to do with all these divorced women who were appearing. Why should decent guys have to get stuck with the leftovers of rotten guys, I figured. ,,, ulcer, nightmares, worry all still there,,, Favorite shows were FIRST TUESDAY which was a better version of 60 MINUTES and that detective show that took place in the late 1940s,,, Was this when the Temborskis, my mothers younger brother and his wife talked my parents into co-signing for a trailer. My parents KNEW it would cause trouble. They KNEW that my mothers brother was too wild to hold down jobs and this was the WORST time to do it as my parents just went broke themselves by moving to York,Pa and getting stuck with minimum wage jobs,,, Nursed a couple of beers at House of Lords at night and walked home and hung out at post office vending machines to sober up,,, Still depressed every day about my dog dying months before. Small family makes pets more important especially when one grows up and ones parents are never home and the dog is the only one around during ones childhood,,, Was this when the A&P near my aunts house on East Philadelphia St went out of business? I recall being in a new A&P where the old FAHRQUAR PLANT COMPLEX was a block north of where I stayed with my mother on North Duke St. When we were there in Aug/Sept 1970 I think the whole plant was surrounded by boards. Did they finish building a whole new small shopping center there in that time? Seems alful fast but I recall being in there when my aunt showed up and she told me to pick out a magazine to get and I wasnt going to argue with her so I got the only baseball one she had which had a weird cartoon of the NY Yankees being rebuilt like a Frankenstein monster and she mentioned it was weird and I said it was just baseball inside. Now it WAS 1970 when the Yankees made their comeback after being lousy since 1965 so I guess early 1970 would be right. I also was impressed by the fact that she now shopped there every week and always brought the groceries home in a taxicab,,, Walked along the RR tracks a lot and took a few black and white photos with my YASHICA EZ-MATIC. Film was too expensive for me in those days. ,,, I was in the mARTIN LIBRARY a lot. Id be upstairs where almost noone went, going through the old books. Especially interested in old time baseball then. I took out THE GLORY OF THEIR TIMES. Which I thought was an old book but wasnt. I loved those 3 old hardcovers that were brought out many years before to cover the 1953, 1954 and 1955? seasons. Really bothered me in late 1971 when they were gone and sold to someone else during a book sale,,, Was I being bothered for my past loan? Was I still trying to get a new one to no avail? FEBRUARY 1971 was when the NEW semester started so it was another REALLY depressing month as I still could not return. Many more lonely months of vegetation,,, 4-3-00 500pm,,, OOPS, forgot the back of my note card,,, 525pm,,, 4-4: There were all these 'characters' in downtown York in the 60s and 70s: They were cruelly called things like 'waterhead' for a huge skull, 'flycatcher'- a girl my age whose mouth was constantly jammed open, and a number of people with one shrivelled arm. And 'airraid' who thought it was stil WWII and walked around with a flashlight and CD helmet. In the 80s it became a Balt Orioles helmet. People joked about the SHELTERED WORKSHOP, especially when it let everyone out at 5pm. Its still there but has a new name,,, When we could afford them there would be the onions and porkchops in the pressure cooker that melted in ones mouth,,, Lor was at her all-time rotteness towards me during the period right before she got married, but now I just pretty much avoided her since then. If only that bitch had died in 1963,,, Lincoln Garage still had that 50 years opened 24 hrs a day sign even though they started closing at midnight about this time. ,,, I sure had realized that if I never had thought of going to college I could have spent my childhood playing, worked at a factory for the good wages they paid then, had a car, dated girls as much as normal guys, and get married and have kids. And I would not be putting up with obnoxious relatives at age 21 as Id have my own job and place rather than the perpetual dependency on my parents house that college bills forced on me,,, Was I still reading the NY NEWS at this time? I think once in a while. Maybe my father went and got it,,, Penn Park, which was so safe in 1964 was nowhere to be now. And black teenagers would attack whites who went into it in the daytime saying it was 'their' park,,, It MAY have been around here that I went out with John, Loras husband, a few times. I just recall it was cold out. The first place he took me was the real sleazebag white-trash bar on East Philadelphia St a couple of blocks from Wallace St where most of the Neff family lived as did they. I would NEVER have gone into a place like that. I still recall everything about our entering and going to the right and sitting at a table and my getting a gin and tonic. A real Dive on the corner across from the SUNSHINE RESTAURANT on another corner and WAGNERS GROCERY on the other corner. I know I also took him to HOUSE OF LORDS at least once and he didnt feel at home in such a nice place. He had been afraid one needed a suit to get in. At LORDS we drank at the bar. He was also the very first to take me to HAP MILLERS VILLA ROMA all the way out along West Market Street near the bridge going to BORG WARNER. Now that was a weird place. It was two bars as one. If you went in the right door you entered the sleazy trash bar which he preferred. But if you entered the left door it was as nice as HOUSE OF LORDS and nicely dark and quiet. The counter in the right bar was on the left and the counter of the left bar was on the right. The two bars connected some yards up with a mutula bathroom and dining room. I think it was here that he started telling me of his total disrespect for my Cousin Loralee. How he cheated on her all the time including when he drove her down to Baltimore for her Barbizon Modeling School. "Life is a bowl of cherries", he bragged. I figured she got what she deserved but I was pissed that unromantic jerks like this were defiling all the women so decent guys like me would never get wives unless we wanted there messed up leftovers. Once he calmly says, "Loralee and I were screwing and she smelled beer on my breath and..." and Im thinking, "What a whore. And my whole generation is like that. They seem to love being totally disrespected by inhuman garbage while being so rotten to decent guys." He was always trying to tell me about their sex life but I didnt want to hear that. He was filth and she was filth and that was all there was to it. Two evil people just out to use and harm whomever they could.. He was also always trying to get me to stay with her alone while he was at work as he feared her cheating on him. "You're the only one I trust with her, Walt". If I'd see him in front of the house going to work he'd say, "Look up there, Walt. Loralees alone up there". He finally did talk me into it once and I wound up going up there. She was surprisingly civil to me that time. I recall her sitting on the couch as I sat on the floor. I remember that she asked me once if York could have earthquakes and I said it was very unlikely. I should have mentioned that any place could have tremors though. Her husband came home with some really sweey liquor I could barely drink. He was really into the black-trash "Cheech and Chong" that I could not stand at all. And I recall that AMERICAN PIE was big around this time.,,, HMMM!: I just looked it up: AMERICAN PIE was #1 from the end of DECEMBER 1971 into FEBRUARY 1972. So perhaps I didnt go visit Lor until the END of the year when i was off from college for either Xmas vacation or between semesters in Jan or Feb 71,,, :4-4-00

_____ MARCH 1971___:: Another horrible out-of-my-mind-boring month to survive through. So much for the glory of being 21 when you 'have' to live up to your 'great potential' with no money and a strict Catholic upbringing,,, Took the Hannah Penn walk to northeast walk probably at least 25 nights out of 31,,, Went downtown evey day to just hang around with no money and noone around I could get along with,,, Sent those tapes back and forth with the guys at Briscoe. They may not have even been at Briscoe anymore but were still in Bloomington. I learned later that I was awarded the dream of IU students for 1970-1971. They had given me a DOUBLE at Singles rates!!! And I couldnt get there!!! That figures,,, I had that stuff on my door they sent me at some time, probably about here: The Zappa Photo. Also a calendar upon which I had a countdown to return and a couple other things that are still there since 1971! Covered with dust and yellowed,,, Went to Jackson/Sherman luncheonette with the counter where I sat alone with my 10c coffee,,, Walked late at night to Boundary, Linc Hwy Garage, East Market, Mr Donut, Yk Cty Shop Center, York Mall, then back and warm up alone in Laundromat on MtRose Ave before the last two miles at 3am. REALLY cold miserable winter that year,,, Or was this when I got the mag with the NY Yankee cartoon at the A&P?,,, ulcer, depressed, worry, nightmares, Gelucil, parents broke and fighting, very rarely saw any friends,,,, Continue to play with breaking the codes of my SOM baseball game,,, Evey year you knew it was SPRING when the WOOLWORTHS downtown put all its little flowers for planting on the sidewalk in front of the store,,, Went to HOUSE of LORDS, later Lord D(OOPS, a hornet just landed on the screen. Had to get him off), Lord Donshires and Lord Befwicks and had my two beers every other day or twice a week. Just drank by myself in the quiet of the place. I think the skinny barmaid was named SAM as in Samantha (I noticed no connection with BEWITCHED for some reason) and she had also been at the NY Worlds Fair on opening Day. Another barmaid was thinking of fixing us up but I declined. I had to get back to college without any extra problems. She once told me that her father had parked his car by the ROMONA restaurant around the corner and a prostitute had approached him which made her angry. She once complained that she "had noone to take care of me" but I had too many problems of my own. She also had a kid of course and she was older than I. They were all divorced back then. I still wonder what ever happened to her as she was still a nice person,,, Still upset nightly by the death of my dog which only made the boring 15 months even more boring,,, College loans were still bank by bank and state by state and all fouled up with Catch 22s like the one I was stuck in. (Speaking of Catch22, it wa seither that book or THE DEERHUNTER that Lora had in her room at that time and aske dme if I had read. I didnt and I was surprised she did. She sure got more and more jaded and corrupt as she got older. By 1971 she was everything my priests and nuns warned me about. A real reptile with no decent standards or decent human emotions,,, 4-3-00 524pm 4-4: No, the book she showed me was in her room at her parents house in 1970 before she got married,,, Got Hallmark cards to send to friends at IU as my roomie in 1967 said, you have to send to receive. Hallmark was then at North mall, York Mall, Downtown and Queensgate,,, Still wondered if I should never have left the church as nothing had gone right since and all I learned from most non-Catholics was corruption,,, Nights in my neighborhood still quiet. It was still York JUNIOR College. College loans would destroy my neighborhood,,, At the EDGAR ST SHOP CENTER there was a fancy drugstore at the end with a nice serpentine counter in the very back and id go ther to mark time and drink coffee,,, Was this when Skip and I would go at night to the pizza place way out on East Market St past State St and get a pizza to bring to ALLEN FIELD at night and eat on the big green stands. i recall the night he dropped his drink so I gave him half of mine.,,, Still walking the streets alone at night trying to figure out how to do all the expensive things that were expected of me and the contradictory things and how to do all these things at once. No heavier burden than a great potential. Still had ulcer, sleeplessness, worry, depression. Bored out of my mind. Rarely saw anyone I knew. Not even sure if I saw Skip and Dennis at this period.,,, Some people went into my mothers bank or else it was one of the employees but either way they were collecting money to open a FISH SANDWICH place called CAPT JACKS a few blocks down West Market Street over the bridge just before NEWBERRY STREET. There was a big lot there across from where the mission NOW is and across from the all night restaurant. My mother wa sundecided about whether to put all this money into it. Fish was much cheaper than burgers back in those days. And still not very popular. The whole thing later collapsed on those who went into it. And even if they had completed the building there the FLOOD OF THE SUMMER OF 1972 would have ruined it,,, I saw Bill and Steve a couple of times a month I think,,, Father put a flagholder on the front porch and got an American flag. Do that nowadays and it would be stolen immediately,,, Now I went mostly to the VILLA ROMA to drink as it was a very SAFE walk back thru that neighborhood and over that bridge back then. Since the 80s it became the most dangerous walk in York but in the 70s it was the safest. It was then a slightly upper-middle-class neighborhood with nice little store. Sure went under fast in the 80s,,, But I still went sometimes to the HOUSE OF LORDS and stayed alone in the post office lobby until midnight drinking coffee and writing to friends,,, Went to mARTIN LIBRARY a lot and read, read, read. Never brought back a book late.,,, On Sundays due to the BLUE LAWS Id walk to the EDGAR ST SHOP CENTER and go to BOOKLAND and hang around for an hour. It was allowed to be open for some reason,,, I was probably alone all day long 25 days or more of each month from June 1970 thru August 1971. Mindnumbingly bored. :4-4-00 ______ ______ APRIL 1971 ____: APRIL 11, 1971 was EASTER SUNDAY. ,,, Just another agonizingly boring month in the horrendous 1970-1971 era.,,, Took my daily walks downtown to just hang around by myself,,, Maybe dropped by to see mother working in the York Bank across from the Bon Ton Dept Store,,, York still mostly a very quiet clean German town but the southwest quadrant of it continued to erode and spots of white trash were appearing.,,, Sent tapes back and forth with friends in Bloomington, Indiana in the little plastic boxes in which they came. Just two stamps,,, Once in a while coffee at Jackson/Sherman store two blocks away,,, Walk to Allen Field area in far northeast via West Cottage, East Cottage, Hannah Penn JHS campus, Poplar St, Sherman, Allen Field. Back same way later,,, Watched Allen Field softball games which started in April each year,,, Nighttime walk to mall via W. Cottage, East Cottage, Boundary by Hannah Penn, Mt Rose Ave (No Hardees there then), Hill St, Lincoln Hwy Garage, East Market St. Five miles total,,, Stop alone at Laundromat on way back,,, Still had ulcer and special diet, constant nightmares, worry, depression. Too much pressure on me for too long,,, Cold War and VIETNAM in news every single day. I was still liable for the draft and worried each day about that letter being at the house again telling me to come in for another physical,,, Hallmark cards to mail out,,, Past loan problems for college annoying me. And couldnt yet get help for future. Worried about that every single day 1970-1971. Just getting more and more disgusted with the whole thing,,, Still missed my dog who was pretty much most of the companionship I had as a kid,,, Sometimes to House of Lords across from Courthouse downtown for my two beers I nursed,,, Hippie era still on,,, Still watched FIRST TUESDAY TV show and that mystery that took place in the late 40s. I was then interested in the 1946-1954 era for the first time. I wanted to know what the world had been like around the time I was born and when I was too young to know what was happening around me,,, Walked tracks. Often under the little bridge near Allen Field,,, To Hap Millers Villa Roma on the far west side of town. Did I ever go there with John again? I used to sit alone in the dark corner just inside the door and stretch over two stools. There were also these velvet paintings of pretty women barely visible in the dark. At 2am I'd walk home over the Richland Avenue bridge. Still safe then,,, The world was changing. Women were starting to carry huge pocketbooks and that KUNG FU stuff from the movie was really catching on and I didnt know it. The guy who starred in it got very famous but I didnt know who he was. That real Asian guy who played Kato on Green Hornet also got famous. Bruce Lee. I had no knowledhe of this for quite a while and then finally had some idea in the Summer. I hated all that foreign stuff. And college were being hit with pocket calculators and Xerox machines but I had no idea,,, In the newspaper there was an article and a special WORD for troubled nightwalkers like myself but I long since forgot it,,, Father always fixing his junkbox car and always demanding I learn everything he knew which was far more than other men and he was a really nasty teacher. Even regular working class guys werent expected to know how to do EVERYTHING with plumbing and auto repair and carpentry and electricity and every other thing that skilled people know but HE knew it so he expected ME to know it. I was always supposed to be able to do anything and everything everyone else put together knew how to do and all I wanted to be left alone by all these demanders.,,, Was this when the tree in the backyard next to the garage was cut down as it got into the pipes?,,, Is this when my parents got the two recliners?,,, I had no idea who ran the city back then as far as the richest men goes,,, This MAY have been when Dennis took me up North George St into the TASSIAS candy wholesalers place which I had walked by since 1965 and never gone in before. He then took me to some other candy place on the first block, east side, of South George St. I was never outgoing and never bothered to meet people. I just tagged after him,,, Every year you knew SPRING started as thats when WOOLWORTHS put all its new flowers out on the sidewalk,,, At the post office hanging around in the large old limestone foyer drinking machine coffee and eating malted milk balls until midnight when they closed,,, In Martin Library a lot. They then were a LIBRARY with lots of great nooks and crannies in the old mansion downtown that Martin left to them. (Around 1980 the librarians turned all the good parts into their own fancy offices and all the books they didnt get rid of were crammed upstairs in the back where it was impossible to read in peace.),,, No way would I go thru Penn Park in the nighttime any more and only sometimes in the daylight,,, MY REGULAR DAILY ROUTE FROM HOME TO ALLEN FIELD FROM LATE 1964 UNTIL THE 1980s: WEST COTTAGE-Eastwards, EAST COTTAGE-Eastwards, Left-North on EDGAR ST, To HANNAH PENN JHS CAMPUS AT EDGAR/BOUNDARY, THRU CAMPUS-N TO LAMOUR ST-N, RIGHT-E ON POPLAR, LEFT-N ON GIRARD, RIGHT-E ON PRINCESS, LEFT-N ON LEE, RIGHT-E ON KING ST, LEFT-ON SHERMAN and up to WALLACE, About twenty years of it. ,, 503pm 4-5-00,,,

___ MAY 1971__: Was still yet another boring month of waiting while increasingly sure that it just wasnt worth it to have to do this type of thing for any more YEARS. And the way that loans were then I saw no way to make it no matter how hard I tried as I would forget more and more if I had to keep dropping out for a year for each year, or even for each semester, I attended. At the way things were then I had figured I could make it by age 30 if i went straight through but now it all extrapolated to being like this until age 40 even if I COULD remember it all and if my ulcer didnt kill me or Id go crazy from boredom and never having a real life. At that young age I always thought I was being very logical when i extrapolated things but it never occurred to me that factors could change radically for the better all at once. So far I had only seen things getting worse and worse so thats how I extrapolated as that was all the data I ever had,,, If only I knew then what I know now,,, 4-5-00 512pm,,, 4-6: Took the long Hannah Penn walk daily,,, Went downtown thru the stores daily,,, Mailed Tapes back and forth with Ken and val. Looked forward to mailman as they were the only decent, intelligent, fun people I knew,,, To the Jackson/Sherman fountain counter for coffee,,, Out Boundary Avenue to Mt Rose to Hill St to Lincoln Highway Garage Restaurant to Mr Donut and York County Shopping Center and York Mall and back, stopping at all night laundromat on Mt Rose Ave,,, Watched softball games at Allen Field,,, Walked the tracks to waste time,,, ulcer, worry, money problems, nightmares, depression,,, THIS WAS THE MONTH I WAS ORIGINALLY SUPPOSED TO GRADUATE and I sure knew it. God help 'high potential kids ' whose fathers have NO money,,, Was THIS when I put that weird free religious calendar I wa sgiven on the inside of my door and started to count off each day until my hopeful return?? Its STILL there, all yellowed with the photo etc,,, Went to House of Lords but VILLA ROMA was now my main nighttime drinking place. Drank alone in corner. Nursed beers but two made me high. Walked home over bridge at night. Nice safe area then,,, Still bothered by dogs death every day,,, Still no word on college loans. They were few and far between in those days and rules varied bank by bank and state by state,,, Sent and received Hallmark Cards,,, Still wondered if I ever should have left the Catholic Church,,, At some point Bill (not cousin Bill) showed up on a motorcycle on East Philadelphia near State St and I took my first and last ride,,, This MAY have been when i got bitten by the dog while returning home from the MARTIN LIBRARY. I was on the west side across from PENN PARK on South Pershing and I was walking near the curb and I saw these two big dogs just lounging by the rowhouses about ten, fifteen feet away as a few kids played on the sidewalk to my front right. All of a sudden they jumped up and went for me for no reason! One bit me. I then went to the York Hospital where two separate women asked me "where I got bit". I didnt know if either one meant where on my body or where did it happen so they could loacte the dog. (The people there said it was none of their dogs but just park strays. In that era there were numerous Penn Park strays in packs). But in each case I gave the woman the opposite answer of what they wanted. The idiots. They should have been more precise. That turned into a complete problem as they couldnt get the dog and I had to take shots.,,, Did I go out for drinks with John, Lor's husband? If so he probably bragged as ever about how much contempt he had for her and how much he cheated on her and tried to tell me about their sex life. It made me feel contempt for him but MUCH more contempt for her and the other girls of my generation who mostly seemed to prefer scummy guys over decent guys,,, While I was gone the public xeroxes and pocket calculators were appearing on campuses and the Vietnam Vets were entering the colleges as well as the "minorities" people from inner cities. I would return to a different place but I didnt realize it,,, The area between the York Stadium and PSU-York was still an untouched field used for picnics then. Now its almost completely built over or fenced off,,, Still trying to figure out how to do all the things that were expected of me at the same time. I was upposed to have huge amounts of money for college, get degrees in the toughest subject there was, buy a car, get married, have kids, while in a Catch-22 where I couldnt even work if I wanted a college loan and if I did work I had to pay off the old one. Plus I still could get drafted if I didnt get back my college deferment. Not one goddamn person, young or adult, could understand that it wa simpossible for me to do all the things middle-class people do PLUS have parents who went broke PLUS do all these expensive college things as well PLUS afford to date and get married and support a family. The older I get the more I know that the adults of that era were complete MORONS,,, A trained squirrel came to the back of my house one day, but it may have been right after major died. I dont know. It kept coming closer and closer to the house for nuts. I finally got him to come inside for them and I took a photo that I still have. One day a guy came by (I may not have been home, I dont recall) looking for the squirrel and it turned out that he was the guy who trained him and he hadnt been around for a while. I hope it was just hibernating,,, I could sit on the front porch swing at night in quiet as there were no 'college student houses' then,,, :4-6-00,,, 4-7-00: The 1970-71 period in York was when I got into my letter writing habit as I had become so bored. It probably was sometime after not being financially able to return in Sept 1970. It was also the first time I ever didnt keep all my feelings to myself, which is what helped get me the ulcer in the first place,,, I tried to make some money under the counter this Summer some time. I wound up working for some guy as a door to door salesman. I may have seen his ad in the paper and as I didnt know anyone in York it wasnt like any connections could get me a few bucks. I do recall being at this guys house as he spoke to me but I have NO memory of where it was. On another occasion I recall being with him across the street from the York Mall in that "Dutch" Restaurant for the very first time. He bought. He was young and had a young wife and was trying to get ahead by selling househole things door to door. I was very shy about approaching strangers by banging on their doors but it shows how miserable and desperate I was to get back and what the college loan catch-22 reduced people like me to doing. I recall going to the doors on East Philadelphia Street on the very eastern end of the street in the city where cars turned off East market onto Harrison Street at the city line and then turned left onto Philadelphia St. They were very dangerous houses in which to live as trucks couldnt make the sharp turn and kept going into them. Right after I tried at them a truck went into one and killed the family in their sleep and they tore it down for good. Years later it happened at the next house so they tore that one down as well. I also tried selling them around the corner from my own home on South Newberry St and in one house was a really pretty black woman whose husband was in Vietnam. Amazing how many women took me right into their homes. I guess I looked 'non-threatening'. That went on for a while but i didnt make money fast enough for it to work. I wasnt a Barnum type. I finally gave up,,, My parents continued to fight. I really recall once when my father blew up and threw his dinner from the kitchen against the living room wall and another time my mother hid behind me. She said she always felt like she was "Walking on eggs around him" . So did I. Now that Im a 50 year old man I know that he and a couple of his sisters and some of my cousins were sinply evil bullying bastards who also turned into cowards whenever they tried that crap on anyone else. Typical obnoxious New Yorkers.,,, I recall getting up once at about this time and wishing I had some sort of political beliefs but both Liberals and Conservatives seemed awfully stupid and immoral to me,,, I may have seen Bill and Steve a couple times a month,,, The Temborskis, my mothers brother and wife and kids may have visited now and then,,, I went into a thrift store on West Market Street and for some really ridiculous price got an entire collection of great books. "Great Books" by different companies were big then,,, Once in the Summer sometime I was walking, probably from the all-night Majestic Restauarant on East Market and North Newberry, which wasnt a dive then, and we went over the bridge back towrds town and her bank and right on the other side was the building/buildings? that had that Thrift Store (Salvation Army?) and the bawdy "She-Bar" and whatever that was being gutted to be torn down. And all of a sudden a GIGANTIC bug that looked like a roach but as as big or bigger than a mantis landed on my chest and I instinctively knocked it off. Then I kept going. Then my mother? noticed it was still on my leg so I shook it off again. I didnt kill it. I dont like killing anything,,, I still hung around the Martin Library daily for hours like a bored nerd and I still stopped at the post office on the way home at night to sip coffee or maybe soda at night back when they had the vending machines. Fri 4-7-00 352pm,,, _____ _____ _____ JUNE 1971 _____: Still watched FIRST TUESDAY on TV,,, That TV show about the late 40s I always watched was ELLERY QUEEN,,, Maybe this was the month where Cousin Bill made that U-turn in Gettysburg and that guy with a sickle came after us,,, And maybe this was when he bragged about the expensive shoes he got that looked like clown shoes to me,,, nights were still quiet on West Cottage Place. No four year York College yet,,, Still went to Hap Millers Villa Roma and walked back alone late at night over the bridge by Borg Warner,,, Perhaps I went out a couple more times drinking with John S. who bragged about cheating on Lora when he dropped her off in Baltimore,,, I was writing to my counselor, Brenneman, trying to get back for over a year now to no avail,,, I recall banging into the garage door somehow this summer and cracking a tooth,,, I had that calendar up still having a countdown to when i guess IU would reopen yet I still had no money to go. Its still on the inside of the third floor room door,,, Still took the walk thru HANNAH PENN to the Allen Field area about 25 days a month,,, Still walked downtown almost every morning.,,, Still mailed those casette tapes back and forth with my IU friends,,, Still looked forward to geteting the mail each day,,, Occasionally went to the soda fountain counter at Jackson/Pershing for a coffee or stationery,,, Nighttime walks to Mr Donut until 2am and back via the laundromat. Five miles each way. I was really antsy and full of nervous energy,,, To the malls, North Mall and York Mall and York County Shopping Center,,, To House of Lords for beers some times,,, To Hallmark for cards,,, Just marking time bored out of my mind,,, More divorced women appearing as if we decent guys didnt have memories,,, Watched softball games at Allen Fields on big green stand,,, Still had ulcer, worry, nightmares, depression,,, Still bothered by dogs death. Not many good things to think about,,, Still trying to get loans but almost impossible in those days,,, Space effort still going on but dying off and I had given up on my career. I had had enough of putting up with all this achievement crap while all the people whose daddies had money just greased through and all the people who didnt have money just had normal lives without constant pressure on them from early childhood like I did. "Great Potential" NEVER helped me when i wa syoung. All it did was cause everyone to expect much more out of me than from others and i was not the AGGRESSIVE type in the first place. Thus the ulcer etcetera,,, Hung around Martin Library a lot. Foooled with baseball stats,,, Late at post office to midnight hanging around,,, Sit on porch swing at night,,, NOW HERE ARE THINGS WHICH HAPPENED BUT IM NOT SURE WHEN: There was a TV quiz about who someone was by the clues. I thought it was Tony Randall. I mailed my answer to the new Philadelphia Tv station we got on cable. Same one as dr Shock. When I was out at night the TV station called to quiz me. I was out. How the hell was I supposed to know on what random day at one random time I was supposed to be there??? When I got home my father jumped all over me for not being there. The fucking bastard. He was always like that. Im glad hes suffereing long now before dying. He deserves it. He turned into a monster at some time,,, One night my father and I were waiting for my mother to return on a Greyhound from somewhere. The bus stopped at the old place: along the old RR station. My mother got out and I took a bunch of Yaschica photos at night with my high scpeed film. But I left my stupid filter on and they were all washed out!! Can barely make her out. Still have them,,, The three of us went to ssome tourist place where they had a furnace during the REVOLUTION of 1777. There were a lot of people there and some buildings. But its not the big tall one that sits just north of York all by itself. This one had sort of long steps of shale on the ground,,, I found a pretty dog somewhere I named DESTINY. Golden Retriever? Walked her around o a leash. Put her in the backyard. Dont recall where I found her. I took her downtown with me and sat with her on the southeast corner big concrete circle and diagonally across was a young male cop talking to a bunch of teenage girls who were flirting with him. The girls and some teenage boys are sitting all over the opposite circle. Im sitting quietly on my side. The moment the kids leave he comes over to me to tell me its illegal to loiter on the square!! Even though they were all doing it in full view of me. I had that dog for a week or more. Then one day shes in the yard and someone comes to the door to tell me its his missing dog. I take him thru the house to the backyard and the dog jumps over the fence! And runs away. So shes gone forever and if she ran like that from him I dont blame her,,, Maybe this was also the time some guys from, perhaps, MR BILLS down the street took me to a young folks country and western bar up around I83 somewhere that was also in the middle of the woods some distance west of I83. Only time I was there. But it could have been in 1973 instead. Only was there once but recall the inside well,,, Cousin Loralee wasnt quite as rotten while she was married. But who cared by that time? And I knew what my generation of girls was like. She would be divorced soon enough and THEN, as a defiled leftover, she'd be friendly to decent men when it was too late,,, JUNE 30, 1971 was my dogs first birthday after death. Think my mother went to the gravesite. I never did. I wish Lora and Viola were dead and my dog alive.,,, 4-12-00 443pm,,, Vietnam going on every day in the news,,, Cold War still on. Nixon vs Brezhnev,,, Still took what few photos I could afford along the RR tracks, etc.,,, At some point I filled out another college loan application with, I believe, the York Bank. I THINK this was when i started having them notarized at that place which used to be a half-block down to the west from City Hall. I wa sin that place in the 1980s when someone I knew was turning it into an apartment but in 1971 it was a Notary and the Notary would NEVER accept the dollar for college loan applications!! It was near S. Beaver and W.King with a long window.

_____ JULY 1971_____: I dont know if I went to see any fireworks on July 4, 1971,,, I sure counted off the days now. Each one seemed to take forever! And I still didnt have enough money to return,,, Took the long walk thru Hannah penn at least 25 times a month,,, Went downtown to hang around probably every day of the month,,, Mailed those tapes back and forth. Now I wish I didnt use the same tapes over and over again,,, Soda fountain place on Jackson/Pershing,,, Five mile walks at night to Mr Donut and back via all night laundromat,,, Walked to the malls. No hope of buying a car for many, many years. Not with college costs,,, No hope of marriage either with college costs. No hope of a normal life,,, Watched softball at Allen Field,,, This was when all that Kung Fu crap was getting big. Or at least this is when I first heard of it. It may have been going on for months. I first thought of it one day when I was walking across the front of Hannah penn on my way out and noone was around. Couldnt figure out why Americans were so much into foreign things,,, Still had ulcer, nightmares nightly, worries, depression. Figured I would forever,,, Hallmark Cards,,, Wondering why I ever quit the Catholic Church as everyone outside of it seemed so screwed up,,, Walked the tracks especially under that bridge by Allen Field. Took a few photos,,, To Hap Millers Villa Roma at night to drink alone in corner as I did three times a week for months. Walked home over bridge by Borg Warner at 2am. Once some guys got angry at me as they thought I was a PLCB spy and they wanted to drink after hours. I went up to them and confronted them,,, I may have gone out once or twice with Lors husband to drink but I doubt it. I doubt if I did that even, say, eight times ever. If so he said nothing but bad things about her which she deserved but which I still didnt want to hear. She was an evil person but I was sick of hearing about her,,, I was still trying to figure out how to be all the things people expected of me simultaneously without any money and I never could. I still cant. It was impossible and totally evil of them to do such a thing to a kid a sthey did to me from childhood up,,, Father always fixing things including car and always demanding I know how to fix everything,,,, I was once on the little bridge over the tracks with Steve and he said that Lora might be pregnant and thought it was funny. It just reminded me of how evil she was and I could not imagine her as anyones mother. But then she'd just be another Viola and thats when I realized how things were passed through families,,, Sat on porch swing at night bored,,, Same old crap with my father. Everytime he went to the store he'd ask me if I wanted something. He never once got it for me and always was nasty towards me when he didnt.,,, Late at post office hanging around until midnight,,, Hang around Martin Library and read old baseball books. Took out a lot of books,,, 4-13-00 506pm,,, _____ _____ AUGUST 1971 _____: Sometime this Summer I noticed that across from the Farmers Market on West Market Street there was a Christian Bookstore and I looked inside (It may have been a Sunday) and I noticed there was a turning rack of ARCHIE comic books and they were all CHRISTIAN!!?? Archie as a Christian?? So I went back when they were open and bought a couple. They were expensive but interestingly weird,,, Went downtown each day to 5&10s and dept stores and to visit mother,,, Tapes back and forth via mail,,, Took Hannah Penn walk after supper to Allen Field,,, Took late night walk to Mr Donut and York Mall. Back via laundromat,,, House of Lords bar, post office until midnight. Vending machines. Was the blind guy still there in the daytie in his newsstand?,,, Jackson/Pershing soda fountain store,,, Was the diner still at Market/Sherman??,,, I really counte doff the days and oieces of days now as I thought theyd school started after Labor Day sometime as always,,, Watched softball games at Allen Field,,, Walked RR tracks,,, That damn Kung Fu white-trash crap was still going on,,, Still had ulcer, worries, depression, nightly nightmares,,, Still thinking of dog,,, Cold War and Vietnam still going on. I could STILL get drafted at any moment via the mail,,, Hallmark Cards shops,,, Watched FIRST TUESDAY and ELLERY QUEEN. ,,,, I almost forgot: There was a great yearly memories show on netwotk TV with Linda Ellerbee and some guy sitting on a stool and each week theyd go over one year. Usually of the late 40s, early fifties which were the ones I wanted to see,,, And they brought back the old kineos of Kukla, Fran and Ollie that Id watch,,, Nights quiet in pre- York College Days,,, I bought a thick gold covered paperback book about JFKs administration as I was now old enough to understand what was happening back then and wanted to get things in sequence,,, Every other night at Hap Millers Villa Roma until 2am drinking by myself,,, ulcer, nightmares, worry, depression. No heavier burden than a great potential. I learned to keep away from people because they ALL either expected magical feats by me OR they were rotten to me. Viola and Lor were BOTH,,, Late at post office after House of Lords bar,,, Took many baseball books out of library,,, Perhaps saw Bill and Steve twice a month,,, Allen Field softball games,,, Kept away from all those damned divorced women,,, Relaxed on porch swing,,, I pretty much gave up on Astro and all my other beliefs in general. There was never any reward for being studious as a kid or working or being decent. It simply meant that people expecetd more and more from me all the time. In those days the economy was still great job-wise and college credits were worth MUCH more than nowadays. I could get a good paying job in proportion to how many credits I had pile dup in college and what I majored in. I just gave up on all the crap and was embittered and tired of worrying and having so much expected of me. I wondered why people automatically expect people with high IQs to also be very aggressive as well? Actually, the brainer kids were shy and less aggressive. All I wanted to do now was get away from York and my rotten relatives and my fighting parents and drink and talk about my gripes and embitterment and how I felt betrayed and cheated. I had thought that there would be some sort of rewards in proportion to ones decency and diligence as a kid but I had learned over the years that the truth was just the opposite. The rotten kids who had no interest in achieving anything fit into society best. Especially if they had middle-class daddies greasing their ways. Screw the system, I figured. It was all upside-down. It was designed for the majority- who were stupid and corrupt,,, All of a sudden, everything happened at once after all those 15 months of boredom. I got a loan and a notice to report to IU in AUGUST!!! They had changed the school year for the first time ever!! It wa snow about to start about my fathers birthday August 24, 1971!!!,,, The day(s)? I got the loan to return and the notice of Registration Day (Two different days?) were/was the most important day(s) of my life but I have NO idea now as to when it/they were. Early August? Middle? Late? But now I had had enough. I couldnt keep going through this one semester between two fifteen month periods of boredom and poverty anymore. Now I had just planned to go back and find a friend to drink with and just sit in bars and gripe. After the one semester I figured Id be out of money again and I sure as hell could NOT go through still another fifteen month nightmare period of waiting and then another and another forever. At that rate Id be thirty before even just getting my bachelors, as if I could recall all the stuff Id keep forgetting during those long periods out of school,,,, I dont recall when I had to return but it was in the last week of August 1971 instead of Sept as it always was in the past. I MIGHT have flown back out of OLMSTEAD AIRPORT in Harrisburg. The old military base there was now handed over to civilian use and I can recall numerous times I stood with my parents in that weird little square area with the few seats in the center of a room with shops all around it. I THINK, but dont know, that I flew back. I probably also changed planes in Pittsburgh where that big red Calder mobile hung from the ceiling.,,, I dont recall arriving in Indianapolis or how I got from there to Bloomington, Indiana. 4-14-00 316pm,,,

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