Chapter 29
Kelly’s

~~ For the next few days after they made love it was as if fate finally conspired on her behalf and kept things how they were meant to be. Lucky stayed away with no one call or note explaining away his absence and Jason stayed in her arms as they lived, learned and loved the nuances of each other. The outside world mattered little for in each other’s arms they found the solace and completion they longed for. When their momentary paradise ended Jason and Liz vowed to not let their separation or others to come in between what they found. And for the next few weeks whenever a spare moment was found whether from school, work, or Lucky she would spend it in Jason’s arms. Reveling in the time they spent together. ~~

Something was different and Emily knew it. For the past few weeks she had not seen much of either Jason or Liz. And the few times she had, on her own insistence, they were always together smiling and laughing at each other. Whatever was going on between them she was determined to find out this time and not be left in the dark.

Emily- [spotting Liz at counter] Hey Liz…
Liz- Hey Em…what are you doing in here so early?
Emily- Just coming to visit my friend.
Liz- Well I’m glad you came.
Emily- Last night was cool, wasn’t it?
Liz- Yeah, I didn’t know Jason could cook like that.
Emily- Never did I…he surprises me a lot.
Liz- Juan and Jason together is just too funny. I’m glad you let me tag along.
Emily- Well I knew Jason wouldn’t mind you being there.
Liz- [softly smiling] I guess not…
Emily- No know Jason and Juan never really got along. I’m glad they both are making an effort.
Liz- Yeah …only for your sake.
Emily- Well I don’t care why they’re trying. I’m just happy that they are.
Liz- Juan is a good person, Jason will see that eventually.
Emily- I’ve never seen Jason laugh so much…he’s changing.
Liz- Changing how?
Emily- I don’t know, this is the first time in a long time Jason seems happy.
Liz- [softly smiling]Really?
Emily- Something or someone is making my brother happy.
Liz- Oh…we…we never talk about things like that.
Emily- Liz don’t think I’m crazy when I ask you this but…
Liz- But what?
Emily- Umm…is there…nevermind…
Liz- Just say it…what are you trying to ask me Emily?
Emily- What’s going on between you and Jason?
Liz- Nothing, we’re just…we’re friends.
Emily- I mean Jason barely took his eyes off of you last night and he practically ordered me to bring you.
Liz- [trying best to hide her smile]Did he?
Emily- Yes…and after last time…you know I was just wondering.
Liz- I understand…
Emily- Don’t get me wrong I love my brother and I want him to be happy…
Liz- But…
Emily- No buts, it’s just that after Robin Jason seemed… [pausing to think of the right word] lonely and it’s been so long since I saw Jason smile…
Liz- [softly smiling as she replied] He smiles?
Emily- [laughing]Funny…now you sound like Juan.
Liz- [laughing]I’m sorry I couldn’t help myself…finish…
Emily- It’s been so long since I saw him smile and see that it was genuine. When I look at him I can see that he is truly happy.
Liz- [asking quietly]How was Robin…I mean how was Jason and Robin together. I’ve heard so many people talk about them.
Emily- They were great together. They didn’t have a lot of things in common but that didn’t matter, they were perfect for each other. Robin is the only person I think Jason loved as much as Michael.
Liz- What about Carly?
Emily- Oh please…only in Carly’s dreams. She’s the reason they broke up.
Liz- I can believe that. Carly is on my case every chance she gets warning me to stay away from Jason.
Emily- Don’t pay any attention to her.
Liz- I won’t…Jason means a lot to me…he makes me feel…but…
Emily- But nothing…enjoy what you and Jason have…[looking directly at Liz with questioning eyes] whatever it is…[Liz smiles] and don’t let Carly get to you.
Liz- I’ll try…
Emily- Don’t try…do it. [looking at her watch] Umm I forgot, I have an appointment I have to go to.
Liz- Oh ok…
Emily- You’re not upset are you?
Liz- No, you have to be someplace else. I’ll see you later ok…
Emily- Ok…see you Liz.
Liz- [smiling as she hoped that in time she would be able to her friend about Jason] Bye…

Emily turned and smiled as she left Kelly’s. Now she was even more determined to find out what was going on. Elizabeth didn’t tell her what she wanted to hear. So now the only thing let to do was to go to the only other source that could tell her something. The one person who would not lie to her… Jason.

~ Jake’s ~

She knocked on Jason’s door for at least five minutes to still no answer. He wasn’t home so her questions would have to wait for another time. After leaving a note telling Jason that she came by she turned to leave running into the very person she came to see.

Emily- [laughing] Hey Jason…I was just looking for you.
Jason- [smiling as he came to hug her] Well it looks like you found me. What’s up? Is something wrong?
Emily- [smiling] I just wanted to see my big brother that’s all. I sorta missed you.
Jason- I missed you too…but I did see you last night…
Emily- I know but I still missed you…it had been a while before last night and I worry sometimes.
Jason- Thanks, but I’m fine.
Emily- I see…
Jason- [opening the door as they entered his room]Come on inside we don’t want everyone hearing our conversation.
Emily- Cool… I also wanted to thank you for last night. You and Juan getting along was the highlight…
Jason- [smiling]Well I’m glad you had fun…so did I.
Emily- Liz did too…
Jason- [smiling]Did she?
Emily- Yeah she couldn’t stop talking about how much fun she had.
Jason- [smiling]Really?
Emily- Jason, what is up with you?
Jason- What are you talking about?
Emily- I’ve never seen you smile so much…
Jason- I’m smiling a lot? I hadn’t noticed…
Emily- "You hadn’t noticed"…are you…[pausing]
Jason- Am I what?
Emily- Are you seeing someone? I know…I know it’s not my business but is there someone new in your life?
Jason- No…there is no one new. I guess I’m happy that for once I don’t have any worries and life is how it should be.
Emily- Liz asked me about Robin and Carly.
Jason- [pausing]Why…I mean what did she ask you?
Emily- She wanted to know how you and Robin were together…
Jason- What did you tell her?
Emily- That you were perfect for each other. That she is the only person next to Michael that you will love forever.
Jason- What was her reaction?
Emily- She asked if you loved Carly…
Jason- Has Carly been harassing her? Did Carly…
Emily- I don’t know. She just asked me how Carly played into everything.
Jason- [pacing around as his anger grew]I don’t want Carly bothering her. I don’t…
Emily- Jason calm down…the only thing she said that Carly constantly warned her about staying away from you and she just wanted to know how she played into you and Robin’s relationship.
Jason- Are you sure that’s all?
Emily- Possitive… umm Jason…do you…
Jason- Finish your question…
Emily- How do you feel about Liz?
Jason- I care about her a lot. I like spending time with her. She’s one of the few people that I look forward to seeing.
Emily- Different question…how do you feel when you are with Liz…I mean…
Jason- [smiling as he thought about Liz not realizing Emily was staring at him; speaking barely above a whisper]Alive.
Emily- [whispering quietly]Wow…
Jason- [turning to face her]What… did you say something?
Emily- No….no I just realized the time and I gotta go…I promised mom that I would be back…
Jason- That’s ok…I’m glad you came by though. Anytime you are missing me just come and knock on my door. I’ll be here. I love you.
Emily- [shocked by this new version of Jason]I…I love you too. I’ll…I’ll see you soon ok…
Jason- That’s fine…I’m always here.
Emily- [smiling] I know…
Jason- [smiling]Good…bye.

Jason said Liz made him fell alive… What was Liz about to say about him… Could it be possible that Liz and Jason were together? They never came out and said it but the things they said and how they acted around each other… This could not be happening…what about Lucky…would Liz really end what they had to be with Jason? She had to know for sure if the things she thought were true and if that meant asking them everyday she would. He was her brother and she her best friend…could she handle them being together? Maybe she was just jumping to conclusions…maybe the things she thought she saw was nothing more than an overactive imagination on her part. Or maybe…

Chapter 30
~ Liz’s studio ~

Liz- Lucky did you decide on anything yet?
Lucky- No still thinking…you got any ideas?
Liz- No…And no offense but I really don’t feel like hanging with Gia and Nikolas or even Juan and Emily does not seem not seem fun tonight.
Lucky- I hear you…so it’ll just be you and me tonight then huh?
Liz- I guess so…do you have a problem with that?
Lucky- [smiling]Not at all…
Liz- You want to go and see a movie or something?
Lucky- Naw…not really…
Liz- Then what do you want to do?
Lucky- How about staying here? Is that cool with you?
Liz- What would we do?
Lucky- I don’t know…I’m sure we’ll think of something.
Liz- Oh…ok…we can stay here.

Liz really did not want to stay there but arguing with Lucky over it would be a waste of time. Since the night she and Jason made love she tried her best to avoid intimate moments alone with Lucky. She knew Lucky noticed the change in her demeanor around him but she could not help herself. She could still feel Jason’s touch and how his body felt pressed to hers. She could feel how when he touched her, even the softest of touches, her heart would race and a thousand sensations would race throughout her body. Liz had always thought her first real time would be with Lucky but things and circumstances changed them. And despite the best of efforts they grew apart and Jason became what mattered most in her heart. Her only regret from the night she and Jason shared was that she could not give all of herself to him. Her heart was his as well as her body; but until she ended things with Lucky she couldn’t truly give him all of her. After they made love while Jason held her in his arms she felt whole, she felt loved. It was hard not spending time with Jason. She wanted to spend every moment with him but she was still tied to Lucky. Eventually she would have to tell Lucky it was over but how she did not know. So for now all she had with Jason was stolen moments when no one else was around. Hidden kisses that made her heart dance and her knees weak. She wished she could tell Emily about her and Jason’s newfound love but she couldn’t for fear that she would approve or worse tell Lucky. She sighed as she wondered if Jason was across the hall…that was another reason she did not want to stay in Lucky’s apartment. With Jason being so close how could she not go to him? She had to come up with some way to get them out of there. Either that or she would have to go and see Jason and she was sure Lucky would not like that…

Lucky- Liz…Liz did you hear a word I just said?
Liz- I’m sorry…I…my mind was elsewhere. What were you saying?
Lucky- It doesn’t matter now.
Liz- [smiling brightly trying to convince him that everything was ok] So what are we gonna do?
Lucky- I thought we decided to stay here.
Liz- [looking away mumbling]Yeah…I guess we did…[She could feel Lucky looking at her as she continued to pretend as if she was sketching on her drawing pad. She knew he was waiting for her to look at him before he spoke to her but she was not ready to face him]
Lucky- Do you regret us not sleeping together?
Liz- [she suddenly looked up]Where did that come from?
Lucky- It’s just a question.
Liz- I know but…
Lucky- It’s just something I’ve been thinking about.
Liz- Really…do you regret us not having sex?
Lucky- I asked you first…[Liz looked away again not quite knowing what to say] but yeah sometimes I do regret it and other times…
Liz- [quietly]Do you?
Lucky- Well the first time when we went to New York we weren’t ready and I know that, but…
Liz- But?
Lucky- When I was with Faison and Helena all I had to hold on to was thoughts of New York and a lot of nights I went to sleep wondering what it. How would it had felt with you in my arms loving me…
Liz- I used to think the same things but I think it was good we waited.
Lucky- Why do you say that?
Liz- Because like you said we weren’t ready. I mean if it would have happened I wouldn’t have looked back on it as a mistake but at the same time it would have made me miss you even more.
Lucky- Yeah…I understand what you are saying.
Liz- Things happen and don’t happen for a reason. If I’ve learned anything over this past year and a half that would be it.
Lucky- I guess…
Liz- Why did you say that? You don’t sound so sure…
Lucky- What reason was I kidnapped? What reason did Helena have to brainwash me?
Liz- It opened Nikolas’s and everyone else’s eyes to exactly the length she would go for revenge. It showed everyone what type of person she was.
Lucky- Maybe…
Liz- It brought you back to your parents…to your family.
Lucky- And to you.
Liz- [beginning to feel guilty she quietly spoke] Yeah me too…

Sensing her sudden mood change Lucky came over to hug Liz. She softly began to cry knowing in coming days she would destroy the dreams Lucky held so steadfastly on. Maybe it was wrong but Jason pulled her through when everything came crashing down around her. And from his simple act of kindness she…they found love. The love she had for Lucky was innocent love that nothing or no one could erase. But she was no longer that Elizabeth. After his ‘death’ she grew and changed and somehow became the woman she was now. She cried harder as she came to the realization that Lucky loved the old Liz she once was. He loved the person she used to be. Lucky was not sure why Liz was crying. Maybe she was crying for what they once had, or maybe it was because she felt guilty for turning her back on that love. He really could not blame her because whether she ever admitted it or not he knew what they had no would and could not work. Lately he found himself spending more and more time with Deanna because being with her made him feel how he felt when he was first with Liz. He anticipated every moment, every glance, every laugh for it made him feel whole. Deanna awoke what had died with him in that fire…being with her made him come alive again. That morning when they awoke she stayed in his arms and they shared another kiss. This time a kiss the both of them wanted and eagerly returned. Since that kiss things between them have progressed and he experienced what making love was supposed to feel like. He felt somewhat guilty for sleeping with someone behind Liz’s back but Deanna gave him what Elizabeth seemed not to want to. Her time, her body, and most of all her love. Looking down on someone who he once thought he would love for a lifetime Lucky gently bent down to kiss away her tears.

Weary of fighting and crying Liz did not push Lucky away which he took as a sign that maybe just maybe Liz wanted to hold on to what they had, however flawed it might be. Maybe this was her way of showing him that she wanted him instead of Jason. For the first time in a long time she returned his kiss and he assumed that she was ready to love him again. It had been a long time since she and Lucky kissed like this and still it evoked no emotion, no feeling from her. Lucky was quickly becoming aroused by this kiss and he quickly began to unbutton Liz’s shirt. Realizing what he was doing she tried to push his hands away but he would not be dissuaded. Things were getting out of hand and she had to do something quickly before there was no turning back. She belonged to Jason, her body and heart, and she would and could not be unfaithful to him. Lucky was slowly walking her back towards the bed and that was the last thing she wanted. She tried to pull away as he continued to hungrily kiss her.

Liz- [pleading] Lucky…Lucky no…
Lucky- [voice heavy with passion]Liz…
Liz- Lucky…I…I don’t want to do this…
Lucky- Liz I can feel you getting into it…
Liz- [pushing at him to stop his kisses]No Lucky…I said no…
Lucky- [frustrated]Why the hell not?
Liz- [shocked]Lucky…
Lucky- [running his hands through his hair fighting back his anger]Why are you doing this?
Liz- Doing what?
Lucky- For the past couple of weeks you have been giving me mixed signals. One minute you’re into me the next…
Liz- I’m sorry…
Lucky- [angry]I’m sick of this Liz…
Liz- Lu…
Lucky- I wanted to put this all on Jason…
Liz- What has Jason got to do with this?
Lucky- That’s what I’d like to know.
Liz- What?
Lucky- Forget it…
Liz- No it’s obvious you have a lot of feelings concerning Jason and me…
Lucky- You know what’s funny Liz it was never really about Jason and you.
Liz- I don’t understand…
Lucky- Never once did I put this on Jason and you spending time together. I know you became close when I was gone and I tried to understand that. But you lied. Ever since Jason rolled back into town you have continually claimed that you two were friends and I believed you.
Liz- He…
Lucky- [angered]No I’m talking. You wanted to know what was on my mind then sit there, be quiet and let me say it.
Liz- Lucky…[tears forming because of how he was talking to her]
Lucky- No…[pausing] I’m not trying to be mean but…
Liz- [quickly wiping away her tears] Say what you have to say…
Lucky- I don’t know how much more of this I can take. You say one thing and do another. I asked you over and over if you feelings for me have changed and you constantly say…’No I love you Lucky…I want to be with you Lucky’…
Liz- I know…
Lucky- Well you have a funny way of showing it. I mean you are constantly telling me that you love me and you want to spend time with me but the second we start to get close you push me away.
Liz- I…I don’t mean to.
Lucky- You always come up with some kind of excuse. Either you have to do this or do that. I’ve heard a million excuses and I’m tired of it.
Liz- What do you want me to tell you?
Lucky- [yelling]The truth. Try the truth for once Elizabeth.
Liz- The truth about what?
Lucky- The truth about what’s up with you. The truth about why your feelings have changed.
Liz- They…
Lucky- Is there someone else? Does this have anything to do with Jason?
Liz- Why do you keep bringing up Jason?
Lucky- Because since he came back…
Liz- I know…
Lucky- I tried to overlook what was so plainly in my view.
Liz- What are you talking about?
Lucky- I overlooked the whole birthday thing. I overlooked all the little bike rides. I even brushed aside your trip out of town because I wanted to believe you would not sink to sneaking around my back…
Liz- [shocked at what he was saying] Lucky…
Lucky- I wanted to believe you were telling the truth. I wanted to believe I could trust you.
Liz- You can…
Lucky- No I can’t…not when you are not telling the truth. Liz- I am…
Lucky- If you can’t even speak the truth with yourself why am I even wasting my time? [Lucky stood and angrily stormed out of the door leaving Liz where she sat trying to explain herself]
Liz- Lucky…Lucky…

She yelled after him to no avail. He was angry and he was gone. Maybe he was right, maybe she was a lair and a coward. She could have told him the truth then but she didn’t. Why? She sank down in a chair beside his bed and slowly let her tears over take her. Things were so out of control and it was all her fault. Lucky was right she destroyed their happiness. If she had only made different decisions things wouldn’t be as they were. Because of her choices others would be hurt. She wanted to go to Jason and have him hold her in his arms until the crying stopped. He would know what to do. He would know how to take away her pain. With her shirt still unbuttoned and tears streaming down her face she went to Jason’s door. She pounded his door to no answer and slowly sank to the floor in tears as she realized he was not there.