Chapter Three [3] ~ Search for Home
~Mackenzie~

She never thought she would be on the run again. She thought Genoa City would be the last place she ever had to run to. She thought she was finally safe. But somehow her mother and stepfather found her. And if she had to run for the rest of her life she would do so, because she was never going back. It had been a week since she left Kay’s and she missed them more each day. A several times she was tempted to call them but she was scared to risk it. Finding a safe place was getting harder and harder too. She thought she had finally found a good place to rest in a church’s basement. It was a supposed to be a safe have, a safe house for teen runaways but when she woke up her backpack and her shoes were gone. So the little money she had left she had to replace her shoes that had been stolen. Thankfully she kept her jacket to use a pillow or she would really be in trouble. Now she knew she had to sleep with her shoes on or else she would have to find another pair. Mornings at the church brought breakfast and new heartache. Several of the teens seated by her spoke of home and she could not keep from thinking about Kay, Brock and Billy. One day the thoughts got to be too much and she knew she had to call them or she would not make it. The church had phones where you could call home free of charge whenever you were ready to return. Mac breathed in several deep breaths when it came her turn to call. After two short rings someone answered the phone. As she began to speak she heard Jill say, “Hello, hello who is this?” Mackenzie quickly hung up the phone frightened Jill might figure out where she was and send Amanda and Ben after her. If only Jill have left things as they were, now thanks to Jill she may never be able to see Kay and Brock again. She waited a few minutes and attempted another call home. This time Esther answered the phone but before Mackenzie could utter a word someone took the phone away from Esther. She immediately hung up the phone scared as to who might be waiting by the phone. Mackenzie thought that maybe calling home was not the best thing to do, but she longed for a piece of the only place she ever called home. Sitting by the phone, scenes of good times flash through her mind. The first time she met her father, the sweet sixteen party Kay and Brock gave her, decorating the tree with her father. Kay helping her find the perfect prom dress. Moments when and where she felt truly loved. Thirty minutes pass and Mackenzie attempts one last call. After three rings Mackenzie assumes no one is home and prepares to hang up the home when she hears someone answer.

“Hello?” Mackenzie falls silent upon hearing her grandmother’s voice. “Is someone there?” Mackenzie is still unable to answer. “Mackenzie, is that you? Honey, please say something,” Kay pleads.

Mackenzie wants to speak but she is so afraid what might happen if she does. Sensing her hesitancy Kay continues, “Please come home Mackenzie. We, I miss you. Everything will be ok. Are you ok? Please…sweetie…I love you honey. Please come back to us.”
As Mackenzie prepares to lower the phone she whispers, “I love you too Grandma, and I want to come home.”
“Oh Mackenzie…” Kay says letting Mackenzie know she heard her message.

Mackenzie places the phone on the receiver and buries her face in her hands and cries for all that she thinks she lost.

~Billy~

He and Raul had not said much to each other since they started their search for Mac. He sensed Raul’s anger towards him so he did all he could to keep Raul from blowing up at him. He knew the day was soon coming when they would finally have to have things out, but he was still thankful he agreed to help him. Hopefully they will find Mac before their partnership explodes, but it looked less likely each passing day. With each failed opportunity of finding Mackenzie their “truce” thinned. And finally on the day they got any significant lead their truce ceased to exist. They seemed to be one step behind her everywhere they looked. As Billy marked the map of the places they searched for Mackenzie frustration and resentment boiled over.

Billy sighs as he says, “I don’t think we are looking in the places.”
“Apparently not.” Raul said sarcastically.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Billy asked shocked by Raul’s response.
As Raul leaned back in his chair he smirked as he shook his head and flatly said, Nothing.
“Look Raul, if you got something you wanna say, then say it.”
“You don’t want to know what I really want to say.” He looked at Billy and again shook his head and said, “You know what, nevermind…”
“No, since it seems you got so much to say, go ahead and say it…” Billy says tired of Raul’s constant attitude.
“Forget it Billy,” Raul said as he folded his arms in trying to hide his anger.
“No I won’t forget it…just say it”
“I think you should drop it while you still got the chance,” Raul retorted as signs of anger showed in his voice once again.
“Drop it huh?”
“Yeah, drop it,” Raul replied.
“Fine, it’s dropped. But since it seems you got so many suggestions, where should we look for Mac next?”
“Look Billy, I am not in the mood…”
No, you look Raul,” Billy says unable to hold his own anger any longer. “I have been walking around on eggshells since we started looking for Mackenzie. Trying damn hard not to say anything that might hurt or anger you but all I ever get in return is attitude from you and I’m sick of it.”
“Whatever.”
“You know what, since it’s obvious you’re upset. I’m not even gonna get into this.”
“Upset huh? And tell me Billy just why in the hell would I be upset. Tell me that.”
“Let’s not get into this. I’m tired and this is definitely not the right time to get for this.”
“You’re right, now is not the right time. But then again when is it a good time to talk about your so called friend stabbing you in the back.”
“Raul, it wasn’t even like that.”
“Then tell me Billy, how was it?”
“Raul things just got out of hand and we didn’t want to hurt you but we didn’t know what else to do.”
“Well guess what. You failed.”
“Look I’ve apologized so many times for what I did, when will you let it go?”
“Let it go? Dammit Billy you were my best friend!”
“I know…,” Billy quietly said.
“And you went after Mac behind my back.”
“It wasn’t like that, I…”
“You what? Tell me Billy what was it like?”
“I don’t know what more you want me to tell you…I’ve already told you a thousand times…”
“Tell me how you could stab me in the back with no remorse…”
“I told you I was sorry, I told you that it wasn’t planned, I told you…”
“well then tell me why Mac? Huh Billy, tell me that…you could had your choice of any girl by why Mac…what did I ever do to you to make you do this to me?”
“I had every right to
‘go’
after Mackenzie…”
“Right? What gave you the right, Billy? What right did you have to take Mac away from me?”
“Because I loved her dammit! I loved her from the first time I saw her!”
“You what?” Raul asked shocked by what Billy just revealed to him.
“Forget it…”
“No…what do you mean you loved her? What about Brittany? And if you loved Mackenzie so much why did you even introduce her to me, why would you encourage me to date her?”
“Brittany doesn’t matter. That was the biggest mistake I ever made...”
“And what about Mackenzie?”
“I have always loved Mackenzie, but I…I didn’t think…I thought it would never happen between us. And when you met her and started to like her I didn’t know what to do. I thought I was going back to New York so I put my feelings aside, but when I stayed I…I knew it was too late to go after her. You were already with her and I didn’t…it was too late then.”
“So answer me this Billy. All those times you wanted to hang out, just the four of us, was it because you wanted to hang with me. Or was it because Mackenzie was with me?”
Billy looked away knowing that what he was telling Raul was only causing him more pain. He sighed and said, “I don’t know what you want me to tell you?”
“The truth. Tell me the truth Billy.”
Billy takes a deep breath and says, “Then yes, I wanted to hang because that was the only time I could be close to her. That was the only time I could near Mackenzie.”
“So what you are saying is that you used me just to be close to Mac. How sick is that Billy?” Raul replied more angered than hurt by what Billy just told him.
“I…I’m sorry.” Billy quietly said.
“Sorry? Sometimes I think I hat you Billy.” Billy remained silent not knowing the right words that would help Raul understand. Most of the things he did recently only hurt Raul and he wanted to spare him from any other pain.
“You should have said something Billy.”
“What good would it have done? How much of a difference would have really made? You still would have been hurt.”
“It would have kept me from looking like a fool.”
“I...I’m…”
“I poured my heart out to you about Mackenzie, and still you never said anything. All that time, all that wasted concern…”
“If we, if I could do it over…”
“Well you can’t.”
“I know but…” Billy looks away remembering all the times he wanted to tell Raul how he felt about Mackenzie but didn’t.
“So, you and Mac were together the whole time she was with me. You two really deserve each other, you’re both heartless.”
“No man we weren’t. I said I always like Mac but I don’t think she felt the same way for me, in fact I think she hated me. But when we realized that we both cared for one another, that was like the best gift someone ever gave me. And when I held her in my arms for the first time…”
“I don’t want to hear this.”
“I’m sorry,”

Billy says as he turns away feeling guilty for bringing Raul more pain. As he attempts to clean off the table and put the map away he discovers the yearbook photo of Mackenzie. He was showing the picture to people hoping that they would recognize Mac, and somehow lead him to where she might be. He flopped in the chair by the table still holding the photo of Mackenzie. Looking at the picture he could feel the warmth of her smile upon him. He could hear her gentle laughter in his ears. He could smell the scent of her; it slowly awaking his senses and making his heart beat again. Mackenzie was all around him and it was this that kept him searching.

Billy buried his face in his hands trying to hide his hurt as he mumbled aloud, “This is all my fault.”
“Yeah, you should take some blame for this,” Raul replied not knowing what Billy was talking about.
“If only we had listened to her. If she could have left well enough alone. If…”
“Billy what are you talking about?”
“I’m the reason Mackenzie left. She…she warned us…but…but we didn’t listen. And now I may have lost everything…”
“Who? Who warned you?” Raul asked still confused by Billy’s ramblings.
“My mom…I told you about her threats and she finally made good on them.”
“Told me…when?”
“The day you punched me.” Billy looks at Raul and quickly looks away again. “The day in school when I tried to tell you about me and Mac, well somehow she found out everything. I begged and begged her not to call. I told her if she wanted to see me happy she wouldn’t call and for a while that worked. We thought that that was the end of it, but in truth she just waited and waited until we dropped our guard. And she did what I thought she would never do; she called Mac’s mother anyway and brought her to Genoa City. And now Mac is gone.”
“Why would your mom call Mac’s mother?” Raul asked still not sure of what Billy was saying.
“Because she hates me. That’s the only reason I have.” He pauses as he goes to look out the motel’s window. As se stared at the open road, of which they soon would travel, he sighs as he clutches the picture of Mac and says, “And now thanks to my mother, this is all that I have left.”

“What are you talking about?” Raul ask still trying to deal with Billy’s confession.
Billy sighs again and says, “The only thing that I have left of Mackenzie is a picture she never knew I had and memories she thought I long forgot.”
“What picture?”

Billy began to explain how he stole the yearbook picture of Mackenzie when he was trying his hardest to fight his feelings for her. He told Raul about how after he almost died they realized that they both felt something for the other but the decided it would best if they did not act upon them because the did not want to hurt him. He explained why he dated Brittany and how he thought that would keep him from feeling the things he felt for Mackenzie. Billy spoke of Jill’s threats and how it forced him and Mac to stay quiet, and how it played into Brittany’s act of revenge. And how hard it was for Mac and him to come back together after everything was exposed. He told of how for once everything seemed right, that is until Jill did the one thing they prayed she would never do.

Raul finally began to see the trouble and pain both Billy and Mackenzie went through. He saw how they tried to spare him, but others conspired against them and it happened anyway. He was not sure if he could ever forget how he felt when things finally came out in the open. But he could sense the seeds of forgiveness being planted in his heart. He felt some compassion toward Billy and for once could see the pain and guilt Billy carried with him. As Billy sat distraught over the things he thought to be his fault Raul could not help but extend an olive branch to his one time best friend.

Raul- Billy you can’t take the blame for all of this. Everyone, including me, has to take some responsibility.”
“Yeah, but if I hadn’t…”
“It’s not all your fault Billy. The choices you and Mackenzie made effected others in different ways, but things still would happened had you made these decisions.”
“Do you think you can ever forgive me…us for what we did?
“I don’t know, I just don’t know. Only time will tell.”
“I am sorry Raul.” Billy pauses as he looks away again. “I don’t think I will make it if I lose Mac in all of this. I lost her once but I can’t go through that again. I…I…”
“We’ll find her.”
As he looked at the picture one last time Billy whispered, “I hope so.”