The Knick Man vs Xavier Cole ASW's Ready or Not February 28th, 1998 (Fade to Sensuous Samantha and Chris Wrigley sitting at the commentating booth.) SS: Next up we have the ASW American Championship scheduled! CW: Whoopie. Let me go crazy. SS: Oh, shut up! To the ring.. [This match is set for one fall and is for the ASW American Championship! Introducing first..the challenger..being led down the aisle by Knick Man's Finest..Illegal Tactics, Phil Blunt and LSD..."The Demon" Kyle Bane, Mista Smith, The Tru Playa, Miss Jasmine and his wife, VIVIAN DEVINE..from NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK..here is the KNICK MAAAAAAAN! ("Go NY Go NY Go" plays and the cameras focus at the entrance way. No one comes out.) CW: Umm..he's not coming.. SS: Maybe he's not ready yet..come on... ...I've been notified that Knick Man's Finest needs a few more moments backstage! So, I will introduce now, from the TRAILER PARK..making his way down the aisle...he's the reigning ASW AMERICAN CHAMPION..here is, XAAAAAAAAAAAAVIEEEEER COOOOOOOLE!! ("Country Roads, Take Me Home" by the late - great John Denver plays over the Arena P.A. System as the God Damn Bastard Xavier Kole stands and bobs his head at the wrestler's entrance wearing a cut towel that has "I Never Knew My Daddy -- So What?" ironed on the front and the back. Kole yells out a loud "YEEEEHEEEE" to the crowd, throws off his towel to the crowd -- then walks slowly towards the ring with his head down.) And now,he challenger..being led down the aisle by Knick Man's Finest..Illegal Tactics, Phil Blunt and LSD..."The Demon" Kyle Bane, Mista Smith, The Tru Playa, Miss Jasmine and his wife, VIVIAN DEVINE..from NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK..here is the KNICK MAAAAAAAAAAN!!] (The arena goes completely black as "Go NY Go NY Go" plays loudly through the loudspeaker. The camera shows the symbol of Knick Man's Finest flashing back and forth as it focuses on the enterance. Out steps Miss Jasmine. With her is The Tru Playa who is still dressed in his yellow "Pimp of The Year Robe. Nobody comes out for a few seconds and then Illegal Tactics enters the arena. They both have hanging from their mouth the official "Knick Man Championship Cigar" and they taunt the jeering fans as they continue down the aisle. Next up is Kyle Bane and Mista Smith. While Smith is in his trademark black suit and sunglasses. Finally The Knick Man and Vivine Devine come out to loud boos and catcalls. The Knick Man is dressed in his classic Knick Man Championship Jersey as well as a black suitcase in his right hand. The Knick Man stops about several feet at the enterance, spins Vivine around to the delight of the males in the audience, and kisses her hand. They then continue down the aisle while the remaining members of the stable make way for them. The others climb into the ring and hold the ropes open as The Knick Man and Vivine Devine enter the ring. Mista Smith hands him a microphone.) Knick Man: (crowd booing) Thank ya! Thank ya very much you good for nothing ingrates! (crowd boos loudly and begins an Kole chant) Yeah, Kole, Kole, Kole, hip hip yippie skippie, whoppie DOO! Xavire Kole! Listen up Kole, I'm gonna make this short and sweet! Inside this suitcase is....... (The Knick Man opens the suitcase and inside we see a large amount of 100 dollar bills.) Knick Man: One hundred thousand dollars! All you gotta do big man is drop the belt right here and walk away! I really like you Kole a lot and I don't want to make you look bad in front of your nephew and stuff! This is why I'm offering you the money! I could just as easily pin you 1-2-3 like HADES did last Monday! But I want what's best for you Xavier! (with a big smile on his face as he closes the suitcase and picks it up) So what do you say big man? CW: Well Samantha here we are the American Title Match. Knick Man is trying to make a business arrangment, but it won't work without the likes of Chris Wrigley! And I want you to take a good look at Knick Man. He is fatter than ever. And look what match he is fighting. American Title Match. OOOOH. Hell ever since I left him he has been in a slump and doesn't know what to do. I made this man a star and without me he is just a big time loser, with undercard. How could a main-eventer fall so quickly? Because he doesn't have me.! SS: Oh sure. I'd be glad to get rid of you right now! CW: Yeah, and you would fail as miserably as he has. SS: No, I'd be happy as can be! Knick Man and Kole have had a heated feud. Kole fell down to Hades and got beat last Monday and Knick Man sure is rubbing that one in. CW: Okay the ref is trying to get all of the members of Knick Man's Finest out of the ring so we can get this match started, but wait Knick Man has the briefcase and he attacks Xavier with it. I can't believe this. He is beating him senseless with it. Now Knick Man has the microphone once again! Knick Man: You STUPID IDIOT! Did............(kick)............you.............(kick)............think............(kick)................I.................(kick)..................was gonna give you money? (kick) I DON'T THINK SO! RING THE BELL! SS: Knick Man taking Kole and he picks him up in a big bodyslam down on the canvas...Knick Man goes against the ropes and he comes back and leg drop on Kole! Kole isn't moving and Knick Man picks him up again and he gets him in an EYE GOUGE! Unbelievable. CW: Wow with Knick Man's big stomach comes a big attitude. I can't believe the way he is acting. Now he sets up Xavier and comes up and nails him with a kick to the crotch. Oh my god ladies and gentlemen I cannot believe my eyes. Knick Man now goes down and starts to choke Xavier Kole, and I am asking where the hell is that damn referee? He is still over there trying to get Knick Man's Finest situated. Send their asses back to the locker rooms, none of them have manager licenses. We as ASW are going to have to crack down on these people coming to ringside. SS: THESE REFS ARE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE! Knick Man takes Kole and he picks him up for a suplex but Kole reverses it into a VERTICAL SUPLEX! Very nice and Kole is being cheered now. The ref sees this and Kole is getting on his feet. Which ref is in there right now? Is that Richard? CW: Richard, Carlos, who gives a damn their both foreign idiots. But I think that it is Richard. He goes over to them and he is screaming in Japanese, Chinese, Asian whatever the hell it is. Xavier is getting up and he picks Knick Man up with him and sends him into the ropes and takes him down with a big clothesline. Now he picks him up and throws him over the top rope and into the crowd of Knick Man's Finest. Knick Man lands on them all, and they all fall down and hit the floor. Oh my god! Now Xavier jumps up with a slew of cheers echoing throughout the arena. Knick Man gets up and holds his ear to block to cheers for this big redneck! SS: Poor Knick Man's Finest. He even landed on Viv! Viv is out! Poor thing. Now Knick Man is rushing over there and he's going to give her CPR! Bane and Mista Smith are crowding around them all and Kole goes back in the ring and he comes out with a BASEBALL SLIDE and hits them all! It's like a bowling alley and all the pins are gone. Kole seems to have chew in his mouth. This is sick. He's going over to Viv and he picks her up and he KISSES HER! SICK! She has chew running down her mouth and if she wasn't dead a minute ago, she is now! CW: Man I can't believe that. I love it! Xavier is God! Now he picks Knick Man up and throws him into the ring. He climbs into the ring himself and executes a very nice telegraphed elbow drop. Now he picks him up and throws him into the ropes. As he comes off Xavier hits him with a clothesline. Xavier picks Knick Man up and rests him on his shoulders, and now he slides him down and executes a tombstone piledriver. Wow! Now Xavier goes over to him and he grabs the leg and goes for the pinfall, can he get him? ONE.... TWO... THR...NO KNICK MAN KICKS OUT! SS: KM kicks out and he throws Kole off him and he's getting on his feet. KM is now bleeding somewhere and I think that it's the nose, but he doesn't give a damn! KM is trying to get Kole off his feet but Kole is a powerhouse. KM going back against the ropes and he comes back with a flying clothesline on Kole! He gets him and now he's on top of him beating the living daylights out of him! Sheesh. A LEFT! AND A RIGHT! Another left. COME ON, RICHARD! CW: Knick Man is now trying to open a gash on Xavier, and wait it appears that he has. It looks like Xavier is bleeding prfusely from the mouth. Oh my god! Now Knick Man throws Xavier Kole into the ropes with an irish whip and as he comes off Knick Man catches him and takes him over in a belly-to-belly suplex. Now Knick Man runs into the ropes and he jumps into the air and a splash! Knick Man gets up and doesn't make the pinfall. I wonder why? He walks around the ring laughing and screaming at the fans. That is such a bad move. Now he goes over to Xavier and makes the pinfall. ONE.. TWO.. NO! XAVIER KICKS OUT. SS: Now that Kole kicks out the KM knows that he best take this advantage and wear him down even more. KM takes Kole and he sends him into the ropes and he comes back and Kole stops and he catches the KM in a CHOKESLAM! Down on the canvas. Bane is on the apron and Kole runs over and he clothesline him off! Now Smith is getting up there and Kole goes to hit him but Tru Playa is also on there. Kole snaps and he's starting to scream like TARZAN! SOMEONE COME LOCK HIM UP! CW: No he is being way to entertaining. This is great! Now he runs over and picks Knick Man up and he throws him up on his shoulder and takes him down to the mat with a running powerslam. Now Xavier outside of the ring and there is Miss Jasmine. He walks over to her and he is going to give her a kiss. Do it! He kisses Jasmine right on the lips and Jasmine spits, and uh-oh. Jasmine pulls back and nails him right in the face. Look where Kole was bleeding from the mouth Jasmine has blood on her. Xavier Kole falls to the arena floor and Jasmine spits on him. And she walks away, and here comes Knick Man outside of the ring! SS: Knick Man is now screaming and he falls off the apron with an elbow right on the back of Kole. NO! KOLE MOVES! Knick Man hits and he falls! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOA! SS: The crowd is getting into this one and Kole is now going over to the time keeper and he grabs a chair! Kole is taking the chair and he's going hit the Knick Man but Illegal Tactics come off the apron with some flying clotheslines and Kole falls back. Knick Man's Finest is now going to beat on Kole. BUT WAIT! Richard is getting mad and he's saying that he's going to fine them. FINE THEIR ASSES! THEY CAN PAY FOR IT! Bane is looking around and Bane just took Richard and he picks him up and he just HUNG him on the ringpost! WHAT IN THE WORLD? This is a little man and the back of his shirt is hanging on the ringpost! CW: Ladies and gentlemen this is not going to be nice, so please if you have young children watching send them to the bathrrom to go wee-wee. Illegal Tactics picks Xavier Kole up, and they hold onto each arm and Knick Man walks over and begins to deliver some massive bodyshots. Now he is handed the briefcase, and he charges at Kole. He hits him right in the face! Oh my god. Illegal Tactics drop him, and I think his one remaining tooth has fallen out. Oh my god ladies and gentlemen I cannot believe this. Now Knick Man picks him up and throws him into the steel steps, and walks over and gets a chair and he takes the top of it and shoves it down on his neck, and look Xavier is turning blue. SS: HERE COMES SOME MORE REFS! Richard is cussing them out in Japansese I think! Carlos, Geoff and some others to the rescue. They come out and Bane catches them and he clotheslines all three of them! Mista Smith takes Carlos and he picks him up and he executes the DREAM KILLER ON HIM!! OH MY HOLD GOD BLESS AMERICA! KENNEDY IS STILL NOT IN THE BUILDING! Damn her! CW: WHERE IS THAT DAMN WHORE? Saddham Hussein could do a ten times better job than her. But now on the outside Knick Man has picked Xavier Kole up and Miss Jasmine pulls back her foot and she nails him right in the lower midsection if you get my drift. Oh my god I can't believe this. She had on 6 inch high heels and they were just shoved into his crotch. Now Knick Man picks him back up and Tru Playa has taken off his big platform shoes, and he runs at Xavier and hits him right in the face with them so hard that the water is starting to run out of them. Oh my god! Xavier has fallen to the floor and blood is gushing from his nose and mouth like a faucet. SS: OH LORD! BLESS HIM! Now what? Kole being thrown back in the ring and the Knick Man takes him and what's he saying? Knick Man: I AM GOD! BOW DOWN TO ME, KOLE! SS: He's taking Kole and he makes him get on his knees and he's going to make Kole kiss his feet...SICK! THIS MAN IS A HUMAN BEING NOT A SLUT! Anyway...he's on his knees, but look! KOLE UPPERCUTS THE KNICK MAN!! OOOOOOOOOOOH MAAAAAAAAAN!!! KNICK MAN FALLS OVER!! No kids for him and Vivian! Crowd: (men in the crowd once more; some woMEN!) OOOOOOOUCCCCCCCCH!!!! CW: Knick Man gets a little bit of what he has given Xavier all night. A big punch right into the Family Jewels. Now he falls over and Xavier crawls over and he begins to bite him on his forehead. Xavier just spit his chew out and it landed on the chest of Mista Smith. And he continues to bite on Knick Man. Look he has opened a gash over the left eye of the Knick Man. And now he throws Knick Man into the corner, and he throws him back down to the mat. And now he begins to take the covering off of the upper turnbuckle. And he pulls Knick Man back and slams his head right into it. SS: This is SO sick! Kole is now going over and he takes Richard and he picks him up and he throws him in the ring. Why isn't Richard DQing this guy? He's telling Kole to keep the match going. Knick Man is bleeding. Kole is bleeding. We're all bleeding. This should be a JASON MOVIE! CW: You're telling me. Well Xavier is going to pound Knick Man's head in the turnbuckle again, and he does. Now he picks him up and he is going to get him in something that looks like a Somoan Drop. He has Knick Man placed on his shoulders, but wait it is going to be a type of swinging reverse neckbreaker. He attempts it, but Knick Man reverses it and gets him in it himself. And now he gets up and he walks over to Kole and he lays on top of him and he grabs the leg and he goes for the pinfall, here it goes, is it over? ONE.. TWO..... THREEE!!! KNICK MAN WINS! [Your winner, in 14:50, and NEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ASW AMERICAN CHAAAAAAAAMPION, THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE KNICK MAAAAAAAN!!] CW: NO FAIR! HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT! SS: Knick Man is raising his new title up in the air. This man is the first ever to hold three single titles! Knick Man's Finest are all celebrating but wait! Mista Smith just took Xavier Kole and he picks him up and executes the DREAM KILLER on him! OH COME ON! Now the Knick Man is standing with his foot over Kole's chest. He's got the microphone... Knick Man: Look what I did to your hero, the good ol country boy! Kole, like I told you before, you aren't worthy enough to compete with me! I humiliated you! I defeated you! And I destroyed you! You should just retire from MY FEDERATION right now, because you're worthless! You're never gonna win another belt again! You're DAMAGED GOODS BIG MAN! I tried to convince you not to fight me (grins evilly) But you just wouldn't listen! That's what happens when you try and tangle with Knick Man's Finest! Eric Draven.....(looks at Bane) The Demon is ready to play big man! Don't forget to bring that Intercontinal Title with ya! Cause you won't leave here with it! And you heard it here first from the truly gifted, very talented, most invincible athlete in the universe! The Greatest Basketball Player, The Greatest Wrestler, and The Greatest Man on the Face of the Earth! The One, The Only, The Knick Man! (The Knick Man throws the mic on top of Kole and leaves the ring to loud boos and catcalls.) SS: The Knick Man a new champion. He won something without you, Chris. CW: Oh spare me. What's it worth comparing the WORLD CHAMPION to the AMERICAN CHAMPION? SS: I guess you're right on that one! For ONCE in your life! CW: Knick Man's Finest is nothing but a bunch of goons who can't wrestle. Hell, I could outwrestle them all on my worst day! Chris Wrigley is the man! (flexes what little muscle he has) SS: (looks at Chris and then back to the camera) I think what "man" you had in you died about ten years ago! Well, DO NOT GO AWAY...