"Hitchhiker on a Guilt Trip" by Chi

I hate to tell you this
and I'm sorry I've been quiet
It's just that things have been so smooth
until I felt those bumps back there
and I want you to stop driving me
Now's the time to learn for myself

May I be so bold as to ask you
if we could swap seats?
But I'm not even sure I like this car
please be patient while I find my own
I'm a little tired of being the passenger
but I still want you by my side

This is hard, I have no experience
and I won't pretend I'm not scared
Share the trip with me
and let me drive your soul
Stay with me as I learn
and open your mind..

Do you believe you're in control of this beast?
I may start to cry and I might get impatient
I just want to strap you in
with the eject button out of reach
Sit down and shut up babe
you might enjoy it

I don't know the way, but jump in
Don't be so vague though I'll wait it out
Be impulsive for me
Make sure you're not too grown up -
just throw your map away
We can navigate by the stars.

Critiques:

-I like the metaphor of the hitchhiker as someone in a relationship. It's definitely an original spin.
-"and let me drive your soul" is a very good line. Again, previous critique is correct, the hitchhiker metaphor is striking. There's an excellent poem waiting to explode out from this. Chi takes some easy lines, explanations really, where more strong imagery could really--forgive me--drive the poem forward. The last line, for me, falls off, and reminded me of Douglas Adams' book, "A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." It inadvertently introduces possible humor. Good work, now push harder on the images.

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